Body Image/TTC after Miscarriage

[Sazzel]

I'm finding that my miscarriage in November has affected how I feel about my body and wondering if anyone else can relate.

I don't feel sexy anymore, i'm trying to look after myself, trying to exercise, eat some good stuff and take care of my appearance. It doesn't seem to be helping, I'm angry with my body, when I do something nice for myself I feel that I don't deserve it and the urge is to eat cake, something like if I can't have a baby bump I'll just get fat instead.

TTC is a minefield because sex has become so pressurised. It doesn't matter who's initiates it, I can suddenly start thinking about the miscarriage and start crying. Or else i'm wondering if this is the sex that will get me pregnant which takes the enjoyment away. DH is very supportive and there is no pressure from him to behave in a certain way.

Can anyone offer some advice?

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I felt a little like this after my first miscarriage before I had Dc1. It took a good three months or more before I was starting to come to terms with my feelings about what happened. It isn't really recognised much because miscarriage is so rarely talked about, but it is a proper bereavement and I found I went through all the stages that one would for any bereavement (including denial and anger). the difference with m/c is that often you go through all these feelings whilst the rest of the world is totally unaware and expects you to go on as normal. In some ways that makes it even harder .

Give yourself some time and don't be too hard on yourself. Try to talk to your other half about how you are feeling. The feelings you have about what happened will probably never go away completely, but in time they are likely to become easier to live with and less raw.

Hello sazzle, i am sorry to hear about your mc, it is a horrid thing ro deal with in itself and then the after effects of how it makes you feel too. I can relate to how you are feeling, having had 2 mcs and fertility problems in the last 2 years. I also feel as though my body has let me down and even more annoyingly it's all outside of your control!
I did find that things got better with time and that it is really important to be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up about the cake, if that makes you feel happier then go for it (i have eaten more cake in the last 2 years than the rest of my life!). Try and build in lots of treats for you and OH, weekends away, nice meals and the like.
I found acupuncture helped as it felt as though I was doing something useful (think I am a bit control freakish) and it also relaxed me. Only stopped as it got so expensive (had 20 weeks of it!). That was one of my treats.
Hope you get good news soon.

Sazzel Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I too had a mmc in November, and we started to ttc as soon as I was physically ready.From personal experience, I would say that my body was so geared up for pregnancy that I had cast thought of looking "sexy" in a seductive way out of my mind and had begun focused on a growing tummy, boobs, that are sexy in a different way.

I was getting upset and stressy about dtd becuase we NEEDED to, we just HAD to because I NEEDED to be pregnant. This hasn't gone away, but we have tried lots of early nights, just going upstairs once DS is in bed, maybe taking a bath (sometimes together, sometimes not) pottering about, chatting and just spending time just us with no TV, work, housework, or even much socialising. I've found that the swi bit has come more naturally than trying to "switch it on" as we did during the wtf cycle (december, after mmc)

That's what we did, and needless to say, it hasn't worked this time, but it has helped both of us relax. Of coruse, as Jemima says, acupuncture is supposed to be good for relaxation too, or how about a spa day together?

Good luck, and come join us on the TTC after mc thread (we eat lots of cake over there but its calorie free, as it's virtual :o )

Hi, so sorry to hear your news. I can totally relate to what has happened, I know its not the best for everyone but have you had any counselling? It may help to talk to someone not directly involved, I found it helped a little but everyone is different! Also re the acupuncture, i read a blog recently about accpuncure and how it can help fertility was on Pride Angel (www.prideangel.com)may be worth a read if it is something you are considering, you may have to go back through there blogs as it was last year sometime. I have also had accupuncture but had it for morning sickness, I actually got it free via my doctors surgery so may also be worth asking? Sorry my reply is a bit all over the place, I wanted to wish you well, give yourself time, it is true what they say, time is a healer! take care xx

Oh you poor thing, as you can see what you are experiencing is totally normal. I hated my body and felt fat and unattractive. I totallly lost my confidence and became quite needy with DH which lead to rows and the whole thing became a really horrible viscous cycle.

You are not alone and its normal and it WILL get better with time. I agree with all the advice about relaxing as a couple as much as possible. We went on a refreshing holiday and I came back a different person, could that be an option for you?

hi there sazzel. your post made me cry, sorry to hear what you are feeling but i was so relieved that i'm not alone. i've really struggled since mmc mid dec. been mindlessly shopping and trying to look good, i wear makeup every day now, paint nails and am desperately trying to look and feel sexy but feel the opopoosite of sexy. i'm trying to excercise but can't be bothered a lot and blatently comfort eating and drinking wine. just feel i was warming into glowing mumsy chic and all was exciting before mmc, then cmpletely lost it for a few weeks, lived under a blanket and now want to be sexy but don't think i'm pulling it off, how you feeling now? any better??

Hey there, sorry I made you cry hugahuddy, I'm glad I'm not alone in what i'm feeling too.

Re the acupuncture, I have thought about acupuncture as my mum gave me a bit of money to pamper myself but not sure what I want to try yet.

We just had a family weekend away and the place had a spa and I had a massage which I did enjoy, but it gave me a bit of a lump in my throat cause we all had to fill in a health questionnaire and one of the questions was "are you pregnant?" and I had to tick the no box when I should have been ticking the yes box

Still feeling low, spent Friday to Saturday night crying, DH and I were meant to be going out for dinner to celebrate our wedding anniversary but I was so red and blotchy and I didn't want to be crying into my meal that we decided to postpone.

I'm really angry with him at the mo, it's not his fault but I'm furious with him that he was protected in a way and didn't see what happened. When I'm feeling like this I just wish that I had dragged him into the bathroom and made him look at what was coming out. Sorry if that's upsetting or shocking to read. I don't want to make anyone else feel worse than they already do. I have arranged some counselling but even with her I don't feel I can really discuss what happened.

All this anger is not helping the TTC, just got my AF today, normally I've got a 28 day cycle, this time 34 days, got hopes up, then did a pregnancy test on day 32 and BFN. But even with a BFN I was still hoping until today.

I keep telling myself just keep going, you'll get there but this is so hard.