Managing stress of TTC

[philbee]

I may have posted this before, sorry. Just wondering how you all manage the stress of TTCing, and if anyone has tips about it. Last week of my cycle in particular I am very stressed, wondering whether to test, not believing results if I do test, it's always on my mind etc. I'm trying to meditate, exercise and just let go if I start to get on a train of hysterical conception type thought. Any other tips? Do you test before period is due? I have been, but actually I think scrutinising for a line is almost more upsetting than just waiting. How do you deal with it? Thanks.

Hi. I'm only in my second cycle of TTC but already I'm becoming a bit obsessive with it all! Have started temping etc, which I didn't plan to do, thought I would just let it happen but that didn't last long! I did find it stressful last cycle, particularly as I had only just come off the combined pill so didn't know my cycle, and it ended up being 35 days long. So that meant I tested on days 28 and 33, both of which were obviously negative, and it was really frustrating.

I think this cycle, though, at least I know my cycle might be that long. Probably try to keep busy (will be busy with work etc anyway) and will try to avoid testing until day 35 this time (if I've not had AF by then). And like you say, trying to see a line when you know there isn't one there is awful, particularly if you've tested early so you don't know whether it's a true or false positive, I think testing in those circumstances really isn't helpful (although as I said, I think I tested rather early last month but will try to hold off this time!)

One thing to bear in mind is that 1 in 3 positive tests at 4 weeks end up miscarrying before 6 weeks. (I think that includes "chemical pregnancies"). So I would try to avoid testing as much as possible now I know that, at LEAST until AF is due, and maybe even a few days or a week after that, because I think the stress of having a BFP and then losing it within the next week or two would be terrible.

Anyway, good luck for this month, hopefully it will be the one for us!

Great thread OP, I'd love to know the answer to this too.

I've been ttc for a year now, and every cycle I'm pretty hysterical stressed. at the end of it, which isn't helping anything. What it comes back to is a feeling of a lack of control; I find it hard to accept that it's out of my hands, that there's not more I can do iykwim. We're raised with the "you can achieve anything if you try hard enough" mantra, and, well, it's not always the case, is it?

I try to just reassure myself that my life's actually pretty good as it is. I do believe in fate and what's meant to be will be, and so I also try to remind myself that in the grand scheme of my life, I'm exactly where I should be right now (if that makes any sense at all). And tbqh I'm not sure I would have appreciated my luck quite as much if I'd fallen pg instantly, and I also know without a doubt this is what I want, so I try to think of that as a silver lining.

On a practical side, I do sometimes find it helps to test earlyish so I can get it "out of the way" and accept that I'm not pregnant. But it doesn't always do the trick!

Sorry, I meant "particularly if you've tested early so you don't know whether it's a true or false negative "

There is no easy answer to this. I'm now on cycle 15 and don't get stressed anymore, but I am a bit down about the whole thing.

My tips would be:
temp, so you know exactly when AF is due so you are not stressing if you happened to ovulate late;
don't test until your period is late; and
keep busy so you have something else to think about.

Good thread. I am also on cycle 15 and the initial 'excitement' has well and truly worn off now to be replaced with crippling fear and uncertainty. My tips are:

• acupuncture. i have just restarted this as I felt soo much better when i was having it. It switches off the 'overthinking' part of your brain.

• make lots of plans. Have loads of things to look forward to- nights out, weekends away, DIY projects, hobbies, whatever. DONT fall into the trap of thinking that 'oh I won't book this/that as I'll be pregnant by then'. That tactic saw me and DH spending new years eve alone in the house in our pyjamas, me sobbing into a hanky.

-accept that YOU are doing all you can to get pregnant. The rest is up to Drs/Mother nature. For me this means I am having acupuncture, losing weight, taking vitamins and cutting down on out alcohol. This makes me feel like I am doing something positive.

• STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE it is not your friend and therein lies a world of crazy.

Finally I heard a quote yesterday which really resonated with me, I don't know if you've all heard it before but it seemed fitting for our situations:

"Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, then it is not the end."

worrying I love that quote, perfect - thanks for posting it.

Thanks Popcorn- it really struck home when I heard it. So much so I've just ordered a print with those words on to put on the wall!

That's a great quote! Thanks everyone. Making plans is also good for me - when we were trying this time last year I put stuff off for months and it took four months to get pg, by which time I was going mad with waiting. I miscarried at 12 weeks in the summer, and realised after that that everything is cancellable and moveable. This time I've tried to plan ahead, and we've started talking about where to go for holidays at Easter, which feels good.

I guess the other thing is maybe from the mc as well, that you have to look after yourself emotionally. At work yesterday a colleague sent round a pg announcement email. I've been sort of forcing myself to reply immediately to these and be effusive in my congratulations. But yesterday I just thought 'f**k that' and went home (she sits in another part of the office and we don't work together, so she won't have noticed). I'm very happy for her, but it does take strength to talk about it, which we don't always have.

I guess also making a note of pg-type symptoms you get when not pg? It took me three months this time to realise that my pmt symptoms are basically identical to pg symptoms, which is totally rubbish, but at least I'm not convinced I'm pg every month now.

popcornmouse - I know what you mean about silver lining. I was so stressed through last years TTCing, and then while pg as well. Obviously I wish the mc hadn't happened, but it does feel like a chance to try to do things differently and manage it better this time instead of shrieking and bossing DH about and snapping at DD and being a total prima donna about it all. Totally agree about being able to control everything. I think when I was pg with DD it was the first time I'd really felt like I had no say in what happened, it was all just going ahead how it was going ahead. But it's so hard to accept that, isn't it? Every month part of me is having a little plan about how the next five years pan out if I am pg this month, when I can go back to work bla bla bla. But we are trained to think ahead, plan, manage, and you just can't with this.

Hi Everyone,

Even though I already knew it, it is so reassuring (if sad) to hear that others are going through the same thing as me.

I'm on my first month TTC for 3rd time (lost first 2) and even though I know that I would have been incredibly lucky to have conceived again straight away, I had so many symptoms that I wouldn't get during a normal cycle like swollen sore boobs, back pain, constipation, nausea, increased discharge (sorry TMI!) and heartburn that I had almost convinced myself that I was pg. My period was due yesterday and I'm pretty regular so when it hadn't come by this afternoon I was almost sure (plus feeling rather smug that I had resisted the temptation to test early). I then went to the loo later this afternoon and saw some brown blood on wiping and felt absolutely shattered :( Despite this though, (feels stupid now) because of all the symptoms, I did a test and got a BFN. I just can't believe that I could have imagined all those symptoms. Maybe one or two can be explained away but to apparently have so many and still not be pg just seems so cruel, like your body trying to get your hopes up only for them to crash down.

Now I just feel really disappointed like I have nothing to look forward to because even though you tell yourself not to, like others have said, you do make plans about how you're going to tell people and how pregnant you'll be at this event etc, etc....and even though I know you only have something like 25% chance of conceiving each month you find yourself wondering what could have gone wrong for it not to have happened.

Also (I know this sounds really negative, maybe just a symptom of my mood atm?) but having had this experience of hoping not to see blood every time you go to the loo, I'm just thinking how this would be magnified ++ if you were pregnant and worrying about miscarrying....ahhh!! This whole business is very stressful isn't it but worth it in the end I hope. We just have to be optimistic I guess.

Best of Luck everyone and thanks for sharing your experiences, I think it is quite cathartic, and reassuring to know others are in the same boat xx

This is a bit extreme, but one of the many reasons we are getting a puppy is to take my mind off TTC. We also do actually want a dog and have been talking about it for 2 years so dog lovers don't slam me! Hopefully I'll be so busy toilet training etc that I won't have time to obsess. I also like the ideas of making plans so you have things to look forward to. I'm on cycle 7 now and the first 3 cycles I was sure I'd be pregnant, so when I wasn't it was crushing. Now I just have a few tears when AF comes around, I suppose I'm used to it now.

I'm just starting and already obsessing. I did ntal hypnotherapy for DS's birth and found it unexpectedly fab. They do a prepare to conceive cd which I've just ordered to hopefully keep me calm!
Good luck to all.

I totally understand, OP- I am there too. I've just had much the same experience as MidLine with symptoms galore, 3 days late, absolutely, positively convinced myself I was pregnant- but of course here I am on CD2 feeling shitty (and of course today would be the day when a friend posts her 12 wk scan pic on Facebook to announce #2- DH & I started TTC when she was pg with her first, so that's hard.)

I think for next cycle, I'm going to start charting again- I think the arrival of AF would have been less of a shock if I had seen my temp nosedive beforehand. Meditation isn't a bad idea either for those really frantic moments in the TWW...

I was convinced this month was going to be it. BFN today. I just don't think I'm strong enough to cope with it any more. Going out with friends tonight and I'm pretty sure they're going to announce #2 to us tonight. If they do I'm going to get steaming drunk.

Think I'm going to just spend the next month focussing on me and doing things that make me happy. Don't care if I come out looking selfish but if I was pg I wouldn't be able to do these things so I might as well make the most of it!

Sorry to hear about your BFNs. It is hard. My AF arrived yesterday, dead on the day I predicted it, but it didn't stop me convincing myself all morning that I was pg, and where I'd have the baby etc. I used to argue myself out of that stuff, but I don't think that helps, so I try to just let it drift off now and pretend mentally that I'm giving myself a hug. It sounds daft, but it's more gentle than just berating myself for my foolishness. I was pretty prepared, having POAS several times in the last week, but part of me always thinks 'maybe I'm in the 1% of women who are pg and don't get a BFP'. Ho hum.

I've been walking a lot lately, which I find quite good for stress relief. I also had very little PMT rage this month (which of course I thought could be a sign I was pg, doh!) which I think might also be due to that.

dontcarehow - I totally think you should do that. Look after yourself first. And I like doing things that would be difficult if pg or with a small baby, like going out for lunch, drinking coffee and having a read etc. Next week I will begin wet sanding some lead based paint around the house. Can't do that while pg.

aworryingtrend that is the best advice I've EVER read online about ttc (and I've read a shed load!)

I've been trying since Oct 10, 2 miscarriages and the thought of amount of stuff I've passed on because "I might be pregnant by then" makes me want to cry. Not having a baby is bad enough without the added regret of everything you've missed out on in the meantime. I won't be doing that anymore.

I'd recommend a fun packed 2ww (holiday ideally but not possible every month!), a massage around ov is nice as trying to get all that sex in can be stressful!, nothing helps the day AF arrives, you will be miserable so go with it, knowing ov will be here before you know it and you can start all over again!

Interestingly both times I concieved was when I was least stressed over ttc, I was so busy with other things I tested late rather than early. Oh and the second time I stopped making encouraging my husband to have sex every day from CD 9 so he hadn't "run out of steam" by the time ov came around. he was most shocked when the clear blue ad on the telly the other day said the ov sticks helped you pinpoint your "2 most fertile days", to quote "why have you been making me do it every day for a week then?!"

This thread is so good...I periodically drift off onto the Hideous 2WW thread, but this is good for all the weeks in between.

What you've all said has resonated so much with me. I made so many promises I wouldn't be like this, but I kinda knew I'd obsess. I obsess about everything anyway so you know...like someone else said, might as well not beat myself up for it. I'm a total control freak, naturally quite anxious, always trying to preempt anything that might happen and like everyone else, keep thinking - if there is just something else I can do....

We've only been cycling for 3 months now - last cycle (literally just gone) I was convinced I was pregnant. AF was 3 or 4 days overdue, I hadn't had a cycle that long, ever before. But in a way it's good because now I realise all those so-called symptoms aren't really much to go on :) I have been trying to wrack my brain - I was pregnant (accidentally) when young and had a termination, and to be honest - I don't really recall noticing anything until my period was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overdue and I was being sick.

So I don't know....get ourselves healthy generally, because we're worth making ourselves healthy :) I've just discovered acupuncture (LOVE IT), have hypnotherapy lined up for stress at work (really bad!) and my DH - god love him - geeks out over health things and has found something called Eating for Fertlity.

I guess my anxiety is really about worrying deep down, I can't help but worry we won't get to DTD on the right day. I don't know why I think that. My DH is a personal trainer and mostly is at work in the evening, but he's back by 10pm latest....and he's fully committed to TTC. So logically, there's no reason we can't meet the OV dates, right? I don't know.

Oh - one thing I think is worth mentioning: before I started TTCing, I was suffering really badly from stress and exhibiting hormone imbalance symptoms. I saw a specialist through DH's head coach at his gym, who spoke to me about hormone levels, specifically estrogen dominance.

I started taking Maca root because it helps reduce stress through re-balancing estrogen levels. (If I understand it correctly, stress hormones like cortisol are closely linked to reproductive hormones.) If you read the article, the Peruvians and invading Spanish put a lot of stock in the Maca root helping ferility, virility, libido etc. I bought some to help with managing my work stress, not even thinking about fertility. Just thought I'd share though :)

Oh wait - oooops - here's the article: hethir.hubpages.com/hub/maca

So glad to have discovered this forum, we have been ttc for barely a month, but already I'm basically obsessed... It doesnt help that the friend I would normally talk to about this kind of thing has announced her pg this month. I'm massively happy for her and very very relieved that it has finally happened for them, but i suppose there is a part of me that is jealous - irrationally really as I have only had one period since coming off the pill.
Preoccupation with the idea of being pregnant is stressful, and time consuming - i find myself late at night googling all sorts of pregnancy 'symptoms' which is ridiculous, since as a friend said "they're all symptoms of being alive!" :)
I suppose what I'm saying is that its really good to know there are other women out there feeling the same compusions, worries and fantasies. We may be exhausting ourselves with all this, but at least we know we are normal ! That reduces my worry somewhat.
One of the best stress busting techniques that i believe in is talking to other people about it, whether it be face to face or on forums like this.