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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Have I been a bitch/crossed the line.

17 replies

CantwaittillSpring · 19/01/2012 11:12

Friend of mine who is planning on getting married in November this year. She has just turned 39 in the summer and says she wants to wait until after she is married to concieve. I told her she was crazy to wait - especially as she does want children. She told me to mind own business, but I still feel bad. I did suggest that she at least had a hormone test. Wondering how to rectify situation - she's coming over at the weekend

OP posts:

Memoo · 19/01/2012 11:14

Yep, crossed the line.

Byeckerslike · 19/01/2012 11:14

Well if she is coming over at the weekend, she isnt holding a grudge, i would just apologise and leave it at that :)

fanjodisfunction · 19/01/2012 11:15

I agree, just apologise.

thisisyesterday · 19/01/2012 11:16

dunno depends how good a friend it is!
i would be able to say that to my best friend without her getting the hump but friends I knew less well then it isn't somehting i would bring up

Original poster

CantwaittillSpring · 19/01/2012 11:17

Hi probably should have said: last summer - before she got engaged - she said she was 'not actively avoiding' getting pregnant - so I assumed she was TTC. But I will apologise - because I feel bad about the whole thing.

OP posts:

PopcornMouse · 19/01/2012 11:19

Hmmm if you got that sort of reaction she can't be a very close friend in which case you probably did cross the line though I heartily agree :o

Memoo · 19/01/2012 11:20

Oh I agree she's mad to wait. You crossed the line because it's non of your bussiness and you basically told her she might have trouble conceiving. She doesn't need that.

eurochick · 19/01/2012 11:23

I agree that she is mad to wait and I think I would be able to say that if any of my close friends ended up in a similar situation. But people have to make their own decisions about these things. Perhaps she feels strongly that children should not be "born out of wedlock" or something.

When she comes over, I wouldn't bring it up unless she does.

SweetieDoesIt · 19/01/2012 11:24

I wish I had been able to ask the same question of my friends before I got married last year at a similar age to your friend and am now TTC with no joy. If I were asked I may put it slightly differently but tell her to crack on ASAP as these things take time and it can be soooo much more difficult over 35.

She can not really hold it against you if she is coming over though.

2or3 · 19/01/2012 12:21

You have been honest with her. Nothing wrong with that!

FellatioNelsonsDog · 19/01/2012 12:24

Well unless she was asking for an opinion it was not really your place to comment I suppose. But you are right. She is mad. And if she struggles to conceive she'll not want to be mentioning it to you in a hurry. But it's her life, her lookout.

notyummy · 19/01/2012 12:24

I would apologise and say you just spoke without thinking and hadn't meant to annoy her. Doesn't mean you are not right about the timing, but some people are really funny about talking about that sort of thing, or feeling others are 'telling them what to do'.

Aworryingtrend · 19/01/2012 13:42

I think you did cross the line in that she wasn't asking for your opinion but it is obvious you had her best interests at heart and yes at 39I also agree time is not on her side.

MrsHY1 · 19/01/2012 19:19

I may be reading way too much into this, but could it be that your friend HAS been trying for a while with no joy, and to disguise it/avoid a conversation about it she's making out that she hasn't been and doesn't want to until after the wedding? I know that due to my irrational fears of people thinking I'm not a real woman/am a failure etc. I've made some throwaway comments about not being ready yet- then if pushed I'd probably react a bit snappily too . As I said, prob reading too much into it...

minipie · 19/01/2012 19:51

Are you TTCing yourself? If so maybe the way to deal with it is to say something like, "sorry about that, know it's none of my business, just that I'm TTC at the moment and finding it's taking a while so I guess my whole view is being slanted by that"

that way she understands where you are coming from, and also in return for being bossy/nosey you have shared something personal about yourself.

Original poster

CantwaittillSpring · 19/01/2012 20:12

MrsHY1 I think you may be right. It makes sense so I could have really put foot in it. minipie I am TTC but has only been since November, and even then not 'proactively' till this month. I may mention to her anyway because she's a friend.

OP posts:

nellie02 · 19/01/2012 22:23

I second the view that she might well be TTC already. I am, and I tried to tell a close friend and she told me I was loony to do so before married. I thought she crossed a line (yes, even for a close friend) and so I haven't mentioned it to anyone in RL since.

An honest apology should set everything straight.

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