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Conception

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meant to be Stopping Preventing but now it's actually come to it I'm freaking out

4 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 16/01/2012 11:20

Dh and I together for over a decade, married for 5 years. We're both just turned 35.

We do want children, but it has taken us a very long time to reach that point. Up until around a year ago I don't think either of us was sure we wanted to do this. Now we are both sure - very sure - well, as sure as I think we'll ever be! Wink

We made a decision that we'd start trying (stopping preventing...) at the start of this year. I know it sounds control-freaky (why didn't we just start trying when we made the decision that we were in the children zone??!) but a) we wanted to wait for things to quieten down with both our jobs which were manic until late Nov/Dec and b) I am a control freak to end all control freaks at the best of times. But we were all geared up to throw away the condoms at New Year.

But It's three weeks into New Year, almost, and we still haven't been able to bring ourselves to have unprotected sex... It's mainly me putting the brakes on. I'm just FREAKING OUT. I know I want a child, I really, really do; no part of me doubts that any more. But after so many years of obsessively preventing pregnancy (even at times using 2 forms of contraception to be absolutely sure) I just can't seem to get my head into the unprotected sex zone.

Of course now it comes to it, all my old worries about parenthood are resurfacing - I've had major body issues in the past so of course I'm worried about body changes, I'm a health anxiety nut, so of course I'm terrified of giving birth, I'm a worrier by nature so of course I fret about how our baby will turn out and whether we'd do a good job as parents. But none of those things mean I don't want a child. I know I do. They just mean I can't get past the terror of actually trying to conceive one.

Any advice - apart from just to shut up, stop obsessing, and get on with it - all of which I already know I should do?!

I feel like I'm kind of failing at this before I'm even starting. :( What if I 'do it wrong' IYKWIM?

OP posts:
GingerbreadLatte · 16/01/2012 12:03

you have my sympathy. I felt like this, mainly after getting a positive test as it happened really quickly for me (very unexpectedly for various reasons). I was freaked out for about the first 5months of pregnancy

All I'd say is dont over think it or your will get yourself in a twist!

There are loads of things going on re having first child- its massive life change - try not to think about it too much and compare it to life pre children as it will eat you up. Go with the flow and see it as new part of your new life.

In my group of friends, those who were seeing as new phase of life did much better adjustign to new baby than those who were trying to carry on with their lives as is.... those people are still struggling a bit IMO.....This is only my experience though.....

Good luck.

emeraldgirl1 · 16/01/2012 12:55

thanks gingerbreadlatte! I know you're right about over-thinking. My entire life is blighted by overthinking (can't even decide on lunchtime sandwich without endless back and forths in my head) so I think it's crazy to imagine this would be any different!

Go with the flow is about the best advice I think I could hear right now...

OP posts:
jennywren1980 · 16/01/2012 15:05

We're stopping contraception too after much discussion! Moving in August but we've decided that the clock is ticking and we could wait forever for the right time, and then it might be too late. So, the condoms are off and we wait and see what happens. DH wanted this to happen at xmas but I didn't fancy a potential due date september if we're moving house in august. He keeps pointing out we're not likely to get pregnant first cycle - I keep pointing out that it's not impossible. Anyway, just have to wait for tomorrow when he's home after working away.Wink

MysteryCat · 16/01/2012 15:14

I'm in a similar position and posted a similar question a couple of weeks ago. I got some great answers that you might find useful too: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1378873-Indecision-how-to-decide-to-ttc

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