Im 20 years old my partner is 25 and i want to have a baby but i need some advice.

[aprilanneb91]

As i said im 20 and my partner is 25, we have 2 dogs so am already "tied down" so to speak. i haved an illness called Fibromyalgia, in which is only going to get worse, i dont want to wait for years to have a child because obveously there is the risk of me condition being a lot worse and me not being able to look after the child and bring it up.

My partner isn't too sure about it, i just basically wanted some advice from people. Am i too young to have children, should i just wait and hope that i am ok in a few years? Im so confussed.

Please advise!!!

I can only comment on the age side, I'm 23, partner is 25 and we have a 3yr old daughter and 4yr old son. And I know plenty of very capable young parents, there's a lot on here also.

So in that respect there really is no need to wait, however, you need to look at if you can physically cope with pregnancy, is your dp fully supportive stable etc, and are you financially ok?

Good luck x

If your partner doesn't want kids yet then surely you have to wait?

What else do you want to do with your life?

I was not ready at your age but you may well be. But you both have to be ready.

There's no easy answer to your question. Until recently, 20 was seen as a great age to have a child. These days, people tend to leave it till older but that doesn't mean that 20 is too young. So it all comes down to life plans: are you in work or education, and what are your career plans if any? Do you have somewhere suitable to live? Can you financially support a child? Is your relationship with your partner strong?

Three things in your post did slightly pull me up. Firstly, the idea that having dogs is somehow equivalent to having a child. It really isn't. Do you have a realistic understanding of what it means to raise a child? Have you discussed this with your mum, or friends with children?

Secondly, and most importantly: the Fibromyalgia. What does your doctor say about the likely progression of the disease? Because you will be bringing up this child for a long time: is your health likely to be up to it and if not, what kind of support will you need to do so?

Third, your partner. If he's not keen, please consider very carefully if this is the right environment to raise a child.

I have a friend who had her first child at 16 and second at 36 (yes, no typos there). She said it was much easier at 16 (although 26 would have been perfect). If your days are numbered as it were, I'd think about trying asap but you need your partner's support.

You're not necessarily too young, I'd never tell anybody that, but you are young. As you have a known medical condition, I'd certainly get expert advice on how it may or may not affect having children later on, and personally, if it were possible to wait, I would. My 20s were a time of massive change, and I can't imagine having to make a life changing decision, like having children, at the age of 20. Your comment about your partner not being too sure about it does stick out. To me, as somebody currently embarking on (hopefully) having children, the most important thing is having a supportive partner, and I'd ensure that first. Having said that, we all have different ideas on how a family structure should be, so you really have to weigh up exactly how supportive your partner would be and how he fits in to how you want your family to be.

20 is young, I'm sure you're aware of that. But as long as you're happy with your situation and how your life would be if you did bring a child into the world, I don't see anything wrong in theory. Hopefully somebody else will come along who has experience of your paticular condition to give more specific advice. Good luck with it all.

I was not ready at your age. Nowhere near. Maybe you are. But it takes two people to create and parent a child. It has to be a joint decision.

I wasn't ready at 20 but at 20 I had a 1 year old. If it's what you really want you will make yourself ready (as you can be).

Is your partner unsure about children in general or children with fibromyalgia?

In both of my pregnancies my fibro went into remission. I had arthritis, SPD and sciatica though. I find it difficult to bring up children with fibro but I am on disability and have lots of help from my partner. I can still do all the things that need doing but thngs I or the children want to do sometimes need to be put on hold for a good day to come along.

I'm 23 with an almost 4 year old and a 1 year old DD. It's so incredibly worth it but it's draining, physically and emotionally.

I wasn't ready at your age but my best friend had her first at nineteen and it was the right time for her. It sounds like you feel you're ready. The question is whether your partner is ready. That's not something we can answer. You're going to have to have a serious discussion with him and the two of you will have to make the decision together.

I wouldn't see your age as a problem, but your partners reluctance and the level of commitment in your relationship could be. Ask yourself if you plan or can see yourself with this person in 18 years time, if the answer is no or maybe, don't have a child with them right now. I know that most people have children with partners whom they do expect to be with until the child is grown, but it doesnt aleays work out like that, consider what might happen if you end up as a lone parent, do you have other support, could you cope given your condition (I suffer with it myself and struggle some days even with my partner helping, although mine hasnt worsened significantly since I was your age some 15 years ago)