ttc did anyone elses DH react this way?

[maxcliffordslovechild]

Ok so have been ttc for 2 years and have just gone through the first round of tests with the GP, ovulation test and full bloods for me-all good. Sperm test for DH although GP messed up the forms and he ended up having to do 3 of them, his have come back with some problems with his sperm morphology. We have also been referred to the hospital for possible Fertility treatment. Since these tests ( 3 months ago) his sex drive has fallen to practically zero, we had a long chat and he's feeling so down about it all I don't know what to do to make him feel better.

I have reassured him that I still love him very much and it makes no difference to how i feel about him and I told him that if it is stressing him out this much we can stop right now and look into possible adoption/ fostering route but I know that in his heart he is desperate for a child of his own ( i already have a DD).

Did anyone elses DH/DP react like this when they had bad results?

Hi MaxClifford (haha!) - I think this must be pretty normal, yes? We're not at this stage yet, but I can imagine my DH having one of two reactions - either, goddammit my swimmers ARE going to get through, or slightly crippling performance anxiety and a feeling of letting me down - and it all sounds really, really normal.

I think - I'm discovering - it's really easy to go into TTC with the notion that the woman is going through this really emotional roller coaster of hope and disappointment, because it's her body. And the guy - well he just gets to have lots of sex, which can't be so bad right?? But I'm beginning to understand that they have their own anxieties - letting us down, not performing, feeling like a sperm donor...

You sound like a lovely, lovely wife and it sounds like you're doing all the right things. But, and believe me - I'm no man expert - but maybe guys need a bit of reassurance, and then they need a bit of action-taking? Maybe make it clear the next time you want to jump him, it's sex with no intention? Take the pressure off - this time, it's all about how much you fancy him?

A good friend gave me this very good advice - during TTCing, she felt it was really important to have sex in ways that didn't involve the possibility of sperm being in the right place. So all the OTHER THINGS you can do to each other and be satisfied A couple has many threads that keep them together... intimacy is so important. I don't know if a couple can avoid feeling at times like it's a chore to be completed, but there's definitely other things you can also do to remind each other why you love that intimacy so much.

HTH

Thankyou bettybat for the reply. I really feel for what he's going thorough and at the time we didn't even contemplate that he might be the one with fertility issues, I am a mouldy 39yr old and he is a young fit healthy 35yr old! I think it has been such a blow to his confidence and sense of 'being a man'. The fertility clinic appointment is a little way off yet so I'll take your advise and ease the pressure off him and try not to feel rejected. I'm sure the way he's feeling at the moment is far worse than my sense of rejection, BTW he is affectionate at other times and he has reassured me that he still fancies me as I do him.

maxclifford you and your DH sound like a lovely couple. I don't think I can add much to what betty has said but just wanted to add my sympathy as me and DH have been ttc for 16 months and also have morphology issues. It is definitely hard on the man, my DH so wants to be a dad too. We're under the care of an nhs infertility clinic and hoping to be referred for ivf next month. Anyway good luck to you both and hope you get your bfp soon.