New year, same ole same ole

[philbee]

Jan 2010 we were about to start TTCing, then had abnormal smear year (waiting for follow ups). Jan 2011, TTCing, miscarried in the summer at 12 weeks, possible blighted ovum. Jan 2012, TTCing. Ugh. Same old start to the year. It's been five months now, still no BFP. The other times it took 3 and 4 months. Mostly I think it's just not going to happen now. Anyone got any happy stories of long term rubbish TTCing for me?

I'll add a happy story - well, I'm in the home stretch of it now anyway.

2010 started my ttc-ing. Got pregnant the end of May bank holiday so not a massively long time. Miscarriage at 10 weeks.

Started ttc straight away, took ages (well it seemed like it at the time) and got bfp at end of march 2011. Miscarriage at the end of April, probably a blighted ovum.

Resumed ttc. Got bfp 1st August. Baby due in April. 14 months delay from when I "should" have had a baby to when I actually will get one. But it will be worth the wait.

Don't give up! You'll get there. If you are getting increasingly frustrated have you tried ovulation testing or a cbfm? it doesn't add anything in particular over having sex 3-4 times a week, but it does give you peace of mind that you are ovulating and makes you feel like you have some control over things.

Hey Phil - another BESH (now PESH) here...

I got pregnant for the first time without 'trying' in July - August 2009. Had a miscarriage in September, and then spent 15-16 months TTC which was insane inducing. I found the BESH lot in September - October 2010 and they were a life saver. I also read Taking Charge of Your Own Fertility on the advice from mumsnet. I was pregnant again at the end of November 2010, and miscarried again at the end of December - January 2011. I got pregnant again in April 2011, and am now almost 39 weeks done with baking this baby... I am now 37 years old.

I have to say that mumsnet the BESH advice and reading TCOYOF were the healthiest things I did throughout this pretty dark time in my life. They were about 1000% more effective than going to see the effin doctor, that's for sure. [Though I did that too of course...]

Thank you all. I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriages. It's such a hard thing, isn't it? And all those ideas about timing just go out the window and you have to accept that it will happen when it happens. We have a DD already, which is comforting. DH says that it's not like we were missing anyone when it happened, we are still ok, still a family, and he's right. But it does hurt. And its so hard to move on with life when you're TTCing. Last time I was convinced it would be quick and didn't start anything new, so just 4 months (pretty quick) of hanging about reading conception stuff and marking time. This time I've carried on with planning and starting other things. I figure you can always cancel or drop out, and I can't handle it being the whole centre of my life again.

I think if nothing's happened by the summer I'll try ovulation tests, but the book sounds good, thank you. We probably don't have sex often enough, usually just a couple of times a week, but it's part of trying not to get too worked up about it really. As I say, I guess we'll rethink in summer. What does BESH stand for?

Barren Evil Selfish Hags. As this is how the Daily Fail thinks of women in their 30s who don't have children already. Although a number of BESH are ttc number 2. It is a tongue in cheek, but very supportive thread, for women in their 30s who are not finding ttc easy, some who have had miscarriages, some who are on the road to ivf, some who have just been trying for ages and ages without a sniff of a bfp. We enjoy silly themed threads, gawping over our inappropriate crushes and a good bit of nekkid dancing if anyone gets a win. Bad language and eroticolesboviolence welcome. Babydusters need not apply.

Try to keep positive OP but we do all understand. TTC (in my case DC2 for roughly a year) is a killer. And I have just turned 40 (so must be a TBESH - Totally Evil etc), but I'm not hanging up the towel just yet. Keep up the SWI too - 3 x a week after AF has buggered orf - and you'll increase your chances.

Sorry all about MCs here. I have been lucky in this respect. 1DS conceived cycle 2 aged 37.7 - easy pg and homebirth (sorry if smug). Then nothing, nada, zilch, etc etc... (payback for smugness?!) At least I have avoided traumas so feel for you who had to go through that.