I want to be a dad

[Nesbo]

Having a brief "moment". We've been ttc for quite a while now (over a year) with no luck so far and no explanation. I feel like my default setting has to be optimistic without looking too concerned about it all, because DW is worried about it enough for the both of us.

I don't feel like I can add to the stress by saying how I feel, and unfortunately it isn't something I can really talk about all that much with anyone. DW shares all with her parents but I tend to go down the more "stoical" route and don't share too much personal stuff with mine, and it doesn't seem that appropriate to burden friends.

I'm trying to balance looking after DW with coming to terms with the possibility that it might not happen for us, which will be ok, I'm more worried about how it would affect her. It just occurred to me though that I've never actually said to anyone that I do really want to be a dad, and I'm a bit sad that it might never never happen.

I think I just wanted to write to down so that it was recorded somewhere. It sucks though. It shouldn't be this difficult. Or at least there should be a reason for it.

Right, happy face on again. As you were,

You are right it does suck when it takes a while. However, the vast majority of people can get there in the end. Since you have been trying over a year, have you started medical investigations? Also, out of the people who haven't conceived in one year, at least half of those will have made it before two years is up. But I do sympathise, it is really really hard when you have been trying for ages and start to despair of it ever happening. But don't give up just yet.

I do sympathise a lot. It sounds like you're doing a great job looking after your DW, which is one of the most imprtant things. Friends of mine were ttc for 18 months and she now has a lovely bump! They went away for a long holiday and low and behold..!

Myself I was told it was highly unlikely I could conceive and so went away fora romantic/but a bit boozy weekend and now my son is playing round the christmas tree as I type.

Push your GP to get all tests etc done so you know what the medical situation is, and try to book/arrange other things to keep your mind off ttc so you have other things to look forward to. Holidays/nights out/meets with friends and whatever can keep you going and make life seem like it's about more than just ttc.

Good luck with it all.

As others have said, it is time to start investigations. The NHS takes a while to do anything, so you might as well get going. E.g. we went to see the GP in April, got to see a gynae in August, got a "diagnosis" of unexplained infertility in November and a referral for IVF. We are now waiting for our IVF appointment. It's worth getting the ball rolling.

It's a horrible situation so you will have the sympathy of most on this board. There are quite a few long term ttcers on here.

Another vote for tests. Not because there is anything wrong but because you can eliminate a lot of worry and time wasting by being scientific about it. After not that long ttc my DH and I found out I have low amh which meant IVF. Was a big relief once it sank in and now pregnant and grateful for being proactive.

How old are you? Have you had FSH, AMH, sperm count? Having tests does NOT mean anything is wrong - will enable you to know all your options.

You sound very nice BTW - good luck

You sound lovely.

I tried for a couple of years and I know my husband had a pretty awful time of it, not only did he have to make all the right noises to me about what we would do if it didn;t happen but he had to deal with my emotional rollercoaster too.

We eventually had IVF (Successfully) and DH had to hold my hand through all that. Have you talked to your wife about how far you would be prepared to go and if it is important for your kids to be biologically ours? My DH didn't want to adopt which I found hard but he was happy to try IVF.

First steps - I think you should go and have a sperm test and encourage your wife to get some blood tests through her GP then at least you may be on the road to finding out if there really is a problem.

A lovely post. This is what I worry about with my DH - we have had failed treatment cycles though, and the thought of him not being a dad wrenches my heart sometimes. Particularly this time of year seeing him with his niece and nephew, and knowing he would be so good at it.

Get to the doctor and get some tests done - it is a lot easier knowing rather than not knowing.

It took me 3 years to conceive DD I was the same as you.. Got to the stage where it seemed like everyone I knew was pregnant.. I agree with everyone pop for tests it can't hurt... Even if there is something wrong at least you can start looking into options (I'm sure there won't be a year isn't long after coming off contraception etc) good luck

You have my sympathy, we're in the same boat (just starting our 16th month of ttc DC%231). Basically, it sucks, but the other posters have given good advice and the chances are, it will happen in the end. It might take a while, but don't give up. Getting the medical side sorted and coming up with plenty of pleasant distractions for you and your DW in the meantime is the way forward. Lots of us on the ttc 10 months+ thread are also doing acupuncture and find it helpful, not sure if that's something you've considered. Best of luck to you both.

Many thanks for all the kind words. We've done all the tests and nothing seems to be wrong with either of us. We have another appointment coming up soon to discuss next steps.

Anyway I'm feeling a bit embarrassed for letting it get me down last night! It's a new day and everything looks brighter in the morning. Time for optimism now, hopefully it will all work out for us.

Thanks for listening!

Have you tried the clearblue fertility monitor yet? It does help you to make sure you are not missing the best times.

Hey, we all have feelings, and there is no shame in sharing them - you chose to do so in a 'safe' space, an online forum, no harm done. In fact I'd say; you sound like a lovely guy and you're doing a grand job of supporting your DW, but that doesn't mean that you can't share how you feel with her either. She may be grateful for it.
I wish you both all the best and I hope you become parents before too long.