Can't obsess in RL so your stuck with me until I get a bfp or af, here comes the list...

[CookieRookie]

...after a bit of background. TTC for YEARS! We have a dd (11) and I've had one ectopic and lost the left tube and a cp in August. Cycle is 26days. Not sure about LP because I gave up on charting and opks long ago. I check cm and cp sometimes and to be honest I can't tell anything other than ewcm, it's different every month. Until this month...

Yesterday was cd 24 so three days before expected af. Tested with frer, bfn. Huge disappointment because their reputation is so good. Still, until af shows that little glimmer of hope keeps the obsession going. Up to that point heres the list (finally , sorry)

*weird dreams, all pregnancy or baby related (actual or according to dream interpretation)
*my friend dreamed (or dreamt?) I was pg
*I was told by a psychic in January I would be pg in 9 months and that I would be pg at the same time as my friend who was with me(I am really stuck on this one because she told my friend she would be pregnant 7 weeks from that date and sure enough she was, also she told her she would be pregnant with a girl in July, she had her 20 week scan in July, she's having a girl!)
*bouts of nausea (way too early for morning sickness but remember...I'm obsessing )
*Weeing way more than usual, like less than an hour later though I do feel kind of UTIish
*No point judging the boobs because they're different every month, sometimes like painful boulders, sometimes nothing. This month slight ache but I've been poking them for days so they're bound to be getting sore!
*cramping and a strange pinching feeling on my right side yesterday and the day before but I really don't know if I've felt that before.

Now to yesterday. I was checking cp and there was a tiny bit of pink/red blood on the tissue. It didn't make to my underwear and I would never have noticed it if I hadn't checked cp. I got really worried and thought af must be coming early and that this is the beginning of my cycle changing for good, no more hope of bfps (I'm 33 with secondary infertility) Anyway I checked again later, no blood but some ewcm with some brown in it.

I think then af must definitely be on the way because ewcm means drop in estrogen. So I check again today and nothing, no blood, no brown but a lot wetter than normal at this stage. Then I read wetter is sign af on the way I've only ever had blood this early and it was with my cp in August but that whole month was different to this one so I can't compare.

I've had very unusual and kind of painful sensation inside between my naval and pubic bone in the last hour. It lasted only about 15 minutes but it hasn't happened before so?

So that's it! I might be pregnant, I might be mad, I might be about to get my period. Mother nature could clean up her act a bit I think. I mean she's wonderful and all but couldn't she make things a little easier!?!

Oh and I have a weird taste in my mouth and I'm tired. That was all thrown in for good measure (and obsessing over) too!

I realize this post is super long and that I haven't asked a question but those of you who have been on the ttc/tww rollercoaster will understand why I posted. (for those of you who haven't...it's because I've shared all my crazy thoughts in RL and they think I'm insane. They think I should just relax and it'll happen! Bah, what do they know!! So I came here for nonjudgemental back-rubbing, laughter and obsessing with likeminded women.

If your also hoping for a bfp, good luck.

Enjoy your day

Just thought of another one. I've had two spots come up since yesterday. Never get spots before af. If I was a gambling woman I'd say...

...that means absolutely nothing at all

Hello CookieRookie

That all sounds so positive, but for me it's never over til the fat lady sings (AF that is). I know exactly what you mean that MN is better than RL for this kind of chat.

Keep hoping and keep obsessing and I really hope this is your month.

If you're in need of some TTC friends I'm on the 'Brooking no argument...' thread and it's cheered me up no end.

TTFN.

Hi Cookie, I'm afraid I can't help with a diagnosis but just wanted to say I feel for you, and I'm sure everyone here has been through something very similar to what you're going through! Hope it all works out - take care.

Thanks beangrower and squirrel.

Well it seems nothing brings on af quicker than a flutter of excitment and hope for a bfp! Have another small bit of brick red blood so looks like my possible 'implantation bleed' was just a sneaky curveball.

Don't get me wrong though, I will pee on all manner of sticks until I'm sure, for sure, sure that it's af! You see I don't learn from past mistakes when it comes to poas and reading a bfn. No, I like to torture myself right to the very brink of insanity. I like to google E V E R Y possible sign and symptom experienced by every woman on earth and tie myself up in so many knots, so quickly, Ray Mears would be jealous. I'll look at the calender and calculate over and over again, right down to how many hours long my last few cycles have been fully aware of and consciously ignoring the fact that it won't make one iota of a difference to the outcome.

I'll go into meltdown for a day or two when she comes and then as with every other month I'll jump right back on that crazy wagon undeterred by the hurt and disappointment of the past and set myself up for ??? Well, who knows, that's why we keep doing it. Hope is a wonderful thing.

Thanks for reading ladies.

Take care

I hear you Cookie - it's a very painful process but we seem to keep putting ourselves back in the ring. I hope that you get your BFP/happy pg, whatever it takes, and that all the hope was worth it in the end.

And the internet is a dangerous place for symptom surfing... try throwing your pc out the window and see if that feels any better.

Hugs to you.

Cheers I should have thrown it out the window a long time ago.

Good luck to you on your journey too.

Take care