Patronising consultant!

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

I've just come back from my first consultation after having been referred by my GP as we've been TTC for 2 years
I felt like we were getting marriage guidance in the 1950s! He told my husband that he should be buying me flowers and should get a book on how to make a woman feel loved. He said we shouldn't watch tv after 9.30pm and should talk, eg if DH was into the economy I should buy the FT so that we can have a good conversation about it!
Basically we need to have sex more - agreed - but really, reading the FT!
'we need to be together more'......

Blimey how bizarre? I can see the point he is getting at but that's just a funny way of trying to get it across. Couldn't he just have said 'look, shag more' :)

Is that all the advice he gave was to have more sex?

Pretty much. I am getting an xray to check tubes but he said bloods and sperm looked fine and so he couldn't see a problem.
And apparently if DH drink lots at New Year he won't have a good stock of sperm again until Easter ......! Is that true??

My BMI is 20 so he did say I could do with putting on a couple of pounds, so we're off to get cake and flowers

oh my god I cant believe he said all that, it is very odd.....

I think its wise to have a healthy lifestyle and both me and my husband have cut down on drinking etc but you still have to enjoy life and enough people get pregnent and I think a couple of drinks at the weekend relaxes you both :)

I would request a scan to check your ovaries etc as he cant just say your bloods look ok and his sperm is ok so should be fine - there could be underlying problems which need to be dealt with, (dont mean to scare you but you need to check everything) all my bloods were fine but after 2 years they found severe endometriosis (I had no symptons) with me so its always best to be checked

hope this helps

That is v odd. And rather patronising. Was the consultant terribly old?

I think I would ask to see someone else in future, tbh. He sounds a bit bonkers and not very thorough!

haha.

When we went to the fertility clinic we were asked if we were having sex, and, if we were - was my boyfriend putting his penis inside my vagina and ejaculating there. Were we using condoms maybe? Perhaps one of us had been sterilised and neglected to mention it?

Bless 'em. And they're all 12 - have you noticed that?

Ridiculous :) good news there's nowt wrong but really that's not helpful.
The sperm thing - alcohol can affect sperm count and it takes six weeks from production to release iykwim so excessive drinking can affect his sperm count six weeks later.... but if it looked ok in the SA I wouldn't worry too much.
Did he say anything about follow up?

Also yes the girl who I saw at my first appointment was twelve. Apparently the definition of hairiness in pcos is feeling the need to shave.

He told you to gain weight with a bmi of 20? Odd. That's within normal range. I would have thought it would only be a problem if you were below 18, and if then, only if that was not your natural weight. His advice seems extraordinary on all counts TBH. I mean, does he think you've not been having sex?! Can you get a second opinion / are there more tests available?

I would guess he was in his mid-50s
He said that the results of the blood and semen tests didn't show anything to worry about, I said we weren't really worried, just wanted to know if anything was amiss, and he then said we should be worried as 8/10 conceive in year 1 and 9/10 by year end of year 2
Plus there were 2 nurses in there just nodding, I kept trying to see if they were trying not to laugh too but they weren't...
All very surreal
And I'm a bit annoyed that we've waited 2 months for that appt....

I think all consultants have to pass an exam in being patronising before they get the promotion.

I'd never particularly noticed it, but DS1, who's had a couple of trips to A&E etc picks up on it every time.

In their favour, I think they do have to deal with some people whose level of understanding is les than the average.

It is right about the 12 week sperm thing by the way, but unless he has an absolute skinful if his count is usually OK it really won't make a lot of difference.

If he gets the 'flu however this will really knock them off.

AND I have seen couples who haven't been shagging correctly, so although it sounds patronising it is something to be checked. Some people brought up very strictly (IYKWIM) do not know the basics (yes, even in this day and age).

The stuff about flowers and stuff is ridiculous but sounds like something a (now retired) consultant I used to work with would have said, sadly.