broody at 39 - 2 kids already - advice needed

[marinda]

I have ds 4.5 and daughter 3 months and am feeling broody. Think it must be crazy hormones as suddenly have desire for another. Anyone with experience of this or 3 kids with similar age gap would be helpful - positives and negatives welcome. Obviously want to conceive before too old to - so could wait a bit - advice anyone ???

I'm right behind you! I'll be 40 in July and have three boys -8,5 and 10 months. I'm trying at the moment. Well, obviously not right at this moment

lol Bauble! Although I would put money on a MNer posting mid-deed at some point in our illustrious history!!

Ha, I didn't feel broody for more than two years after I had ds - but felt it five minutes after dd was born. I won't have any more though - dh wouldnt' countenance it and my babies don't sleep.
But if it makes you feel better, I conceived dd instantly at 40 and had her at 41.

bauble - thanks for your thoughts - i think i would probably conceive quickly as did with ist two - but everyone keeps saying to me - you have a boy and a girl you don't NEED anymore - just don't understand why I am so broody- keep thinking of logistics etc... but can't resist newborns or toddlers - or pre-schoolers - how bad is that ?? anyone ??
Thanks thecattle for your sharing of age conception

You're so brave bubble.

I wonder if I am normal-have no broody thoughts whatsoever.....

I knew after I had DS2 that I didn't want him to be my last child. Like you, we went through the logistics etc..but I knew that I would regret not trying again, once it was too late to do so.

Now trying for no.4 to give DS3 an as close in age sibling as possible.

You're definitely not normal, moondog. Broody thoughts or not.

Small children scatter when they see me coming.
Including my own.

Hey marinda,best of luck with it all-hope you reach a decision that is right for you.

XXX

worried about age gap this time as it would have to be a short one ie: 1-2 years , first two easy so far with a 4.5 and a baby as one is at school when I see to the other - this would change obviously - anyone thoughts anyone ?

Moondog - how may do you have ?

Marinda,I am 38 with a 17 mth old and a 5 year old.

similarish age gap as me for first two - can I be nosey and ask why you decided on no more ?

Are you asking me Marinda?

I love my children dearly but the pregnancies and early years have absolutely done me in-bad back and shoulder and as I type,my leg is bandaged from ankle to thigh as a result of an operation on Wednesday to remove p/g induced varicose veins!!
Arguably,the fact that my dh has been abroad for most of the last 5 years has added to the burden,but we both feel that two is enough-logistica and cost(!) of more put us off.

yes dindding - I ADORE babies also - maybe this is the reason. Just can't decide what to do - definately hate pg also. These are the negatives.

meant dingdong obviously

marinda, I had my 3rd at 37 (older 2 were then 6 and 3) and went on to have 4th at 42 due to incessant broodiness.

I wouldn't have wanted 2 very close together when I was over 40 (or indeed under 40!) so in your place I would definitely wait a couple of years, but if you think you could cope with a toddler and a new baby then go for it.

Thanks moondog -yes I was - can see your point. Thanks Janh also - think this may happen to me - but think toddler and baby will be VERY hard - any thoughts anyone ???

anyone ?

My age gaps are a bit reversed- 6 this month, 4.11 and 2.5 so the older two were close together. DS1 was 5 months when ds2 conceived, I had felt broody fro weeks by that pint- just waiting for the wedding to happen first!

I felt broody days after all of mine, and have done since ds3 was born, increasingly lately although I am younger at 32. However, I am not going to be able to have another for a few years yet as studying.

Would I recommend the close age gap? Absolutely. My ds1 has some problems with friendships (AS) but having ds2 means that he always has a mate. They see other kids alone in the holidays and it confuses them, they pity them in fact. They constantly express worry about my nephew who has to be an only child because of pg complications.

You have to be OK with the fighting that siblings do anyway, as I think you get more than if the gap was smaller. BUT the friendship once they get old enough is truly amazing. My two curl up together in bed at night .

I think being immediately broody is absolutely normal (well it is for me) and that such a close age gap would be fine if that's what you want. Only you can know how your other kids will react, but you'll get the nappy years over and done with quicker (a good reason to give a 4.5 yr old if anything like my ds2!).

I had a dd at 37 and ds at 39. I always imagined myself with no more than 2 children but when ds was born I felt sooo broody. It was like an ache that just wouldn't go away. Like you I had the 'perfect pair' so reason was no way to work it out. In the end I couldn't imagine feeling like that for the rest of my life so we went for number three. I had ds2 at 41 (like aloha all three were conceived within one month of trying).
I won't lie, with 20 month age gaps between them all it has been really hard at times (verging on regret if I'm totally honest) but this has nothing to do with age (have same energy as in my 20's) and more to do with the stresses of having them close together and still all being needy at the same time.

But, and it's a huge but, ds2 has been a tremendous blessing to us. He has been the easiest baby and smiles and giggles most of the time. He's basically been left to his own devices most of the time and is thoroughly content with that.

I'm getting a bit long-winded now, but I'd say if the broody feeling is all consuming then go for it. But there is a lot of extra work and can be really difficult at times.

Marinda-i would wait a little or you could have two very young babies.
I am broody for 3rd but i am 42 so have decided NO!

I had 2nd babe at 41-you have got time to wait

I conceived ds when dd was 12 months old, so she was 21 months when he was born which imo is just a baby. Yes it's been hard (getting a bit easier now that he is 20 months and she is 3.5/3.6), and no I wouldn't go for that sort of age gap again.

Plan to conceive number 3 in April to be born in Jan 2007 when ds will be starting pre-school and his older sister will be in her 2nd year at school.

Personally I would not go for less than a 2.9 year age gap based on my experience.

Don't be put off though if you want a small gap. Obviously it can be done (we're all still here)

Am 39 this year, and have 15yr old, 12yr old and 9month old. Felt o.k declining invasive screening at 37 but wonder how to decide as I am hoping to conceive no 4 this summer. How did the other older mums decide/cope with screening issues?

Thanks everyone - for comments etc.. Screening issues - I went for nuchal at 11 weeks with fairly open mind - odds turned out to be 20000 to 1 same as someone in 20's but I was lucky no hard decisions !