Right help me to convince DH homebirths are great please!

[lovecloud]

I really want to have a home birth but dh is dead against it.

My first labour was like your average first timer - extreme pain for 12 hours. I did give birth naturally after pushing for a few hours but I bled very heavily after which was very scary.

My midwife said she will look into my notes and then decide at my 24 week app if it is safe for me to have a home birth.

I think i bled heavy because my uterus was tired after the long labour and pushing and I had a very full bladder. So I am sure this time it will not last 12 hours and the pushing stage should be shorter therefore the chance of bleeding so heavy should be small.

We have a large living room so there is enough space. I am really looking forward to giving birth this time and trying to make the experience as relaxing as possible.

In my mind I imagine dh and i on the ground, him massaging me as I get into good positions, getting in and out of a warm bath or even better birth pool (not sure if we can afford to rent one). Just being in my own surroundings with dimmed lights and music. Then after the birth getting into my own bed with baby. I am realistic and know even if I plan it all out things could go wrong, fear may take over and I will want to go to hospital etc.

I remember the pain from the first time and during the labour I got so into myself almost becoming a cave woman, i went into my world of riding the pain... in a weird way I enjoyed it. I remember being brought back down to earth when i felt the cold hard hospital ground on my knees etc...

Dh is worried if I bleed heavy again, if the baby wont come out, if i die etc... He thinks its unsafe.

Help me make him see

maybe you just need to know that statistically home births are as safe as hospital births. there are studies on it.

also, how far from hospital are you if things did go wrong? we live 5 mins from a major hospital so you can actually get there in an emergency quicker than the consultant can get across the hospital.

I wanted a home birth, dh wont let me as he is worried something will go wrong. Maybe if you both talk to th midwife about it he might change his mind, good luck?

First of all, it's your decision to have a homebirth, not the midwife's. So if you want one, you tell her that, not the other way around

It's natural for your dh to be worried but for healthy women who have had normal pregnancies home births are statistically just as safe (and in some cases safer) than hospital births. You sound as if you coped very well with your previous birth. Check out homebirth site for more info.

I had both my babies at home and can really recommend home birth if that's the route you wish to pursue. There are lots of websites on homebirth if you do a search (sorry am cr*p at links).

I think you are wise to have a flexible birth plan though - I know too many women who have set their heart on homebirth and for one reason or another end up in hospital feeling like they have failed. I decided to aim for home but was prepared to go into hospital if my midwife (who I trusted implicitly) recommended it.

As far as Dad's go, my hubbie was very reticent initially but as he got to know the midwives throughout my pregnancy, he appeared to buy into the benefits. I was fortunate enought to have a text book birth so ended up having baby number two at home as well in a birth pool. Two great experiences.

Anyway - good luck, I'm sure you will make the right choice for you.

nct link

informed choice leaflet to download

loved it loved it loved it birth pool was great - but only bother if you can get a thermostat controlled one i'd say no filling and refilling in labour and accept you may not get to use it for thebirth - lovely to use beforehand though. it was like the water helped my body to know what to do perfectly. my dh was supportive, i think his main concerns were obviously safety and also clearing up the mess. we knew my previous labour had started and progressed slowly so we felt ok about it. midwives helped with a lot of the mess and dh was heroic with the birth pool - i lost a bit of blood and actually ended up in hosp because of retained placenta. i'd say just talk it over and ask him to keep an open mind until you both find out more, also assure him you won't be taking any risks. hth x