Hi I am 39 and ttc my first since a mc 4yrs ago (i have been suffering with depression so not able to try again until now). So now been trying for about 3 months and for the first time ever af was late and I thought omg this is it. I went into blind panic, cried a lot and just kept thinking what have I done. This is a stupid idea at my age, me and my partner were fine why change things. It certainly wasn't the elated joy I thought I would feel, anyway a couple of days on it settled a bit and although I still felt scared I tried not to think about it too much. Anyway af arrived today and once again I cried lots and got worried that maybe I was never going to fall and that time was running out and I would not have any children at all. So now I am left wondering what to do. Do I try again next month after feeling so negative and scared when I thought I was or do I listen to how I felt when I realised I wasn't? Anyone else have these emotions that change so quickly? It does make deciding if you really want to have a baby so hard.