42 and scared to become pregnant, but would like to be pregnant!

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The subject says it all! I have a dd aged 14 and a ds aged 12 and have always wanted a third child. Lack of money was the main reason we didn't go on. The years just slipped by and I was content ferrying the kids to their different activities. Any time I brought it up my DH just said no, too big a gap. He however, now realises how important this is to me.

For the past six months I have wrestled with the decision to have another. It has been all consuming. On the one hand I would love another child - if only someone could just wheel in the pram! On the other hand I am terrified by the miscarriage risk, risks of chromosomal abnormalities and stillbirth. I am not really worried by the age gap as I have read lots of really positive posts regarding only children. Our child would just have a much older brother and sister.

Basically I would love another child but am petrified at the thought of it all going wrong. DH and I are very healthy and have no medical problems.

I would so appreciate your thoughts- I am so aware that I have to make my mind up now.

Hi. Just wanted to let you know that there is a thread in conception called fabulous 40+ part 4 which is full of us loony older women trying to get pregnant.

As for me, I have 2 boys aged 11 and 8. I am currently 44 (approaching 45). I decided at nearly 43 to try for one last cheeky baby. I had gotten pregnant very easily with the boys, much like you I almost chose when i got pregnant and was convinced it would only take me about 3 months this time .

Anyway, i did get pregnant within 5 months of trying for #3 but sadly had a MMC (discovered at 11.5 weeks that the baby had stopped at 8 weeks). I then became pregnant again 3 months later but also lost that one to a spontanious early MC at 7 weeks. My GP is lovely and has always been very encouraging and has made a point of saying to me that the difference between my two successful pregnancies and my 2 losses is purely a problem with the actual embryo and nothing that I did differently.

All I will say is this, if it's what you really want then go for it but don't think it will be like it was in your 30s. Sadly i have learnt that it is so much harder to get a sticky one in your 40s. It's now been 13 months since my last MC and not a hint of a BFP and I am at the end of the journey. My GP gave me 3 months of clomid to try and if that doens't work I will stop trying. I do feel sad that I didn't get my one last little one but I am always grateful for the boys i have.

I will also say, when i was pregnant at 43 I did feel a bit weird telling people (we had just started to tell people when i lost it). I felt I had to excuse myself for being older and pregnant - so goodness knows how I will feel if I am successful now at my age!!

Good luck to you and please do feel free to join us on the thread.

ps. there are women on the thread having babies in their 40s - one at 44 recently and about 3 at 40 at the moment. however, there are also far too many having MCs -which is heartbreaking.

Hippychick66 : Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is refreshing to speak to someone who decided to try for another one after a gap. If it is any help my grandmother had her third child at 45. Her second child was 5 when her DD was born. She had no help- so perhaps you just need a bit of luck.

From my point of view everytime I open a glossy some celebrity in her 40's is beaming out at me with an idyllic cherub sleeping peacefully in her arms. I suppose that I am guilty of being sucked into the dream.

It is really good to get a more realistic viewpoint. I do know about the mc risk and it does frighten me.

I have had a peek at that thread and it is harrowing to read about the mcs. My heart goes out to all of you.

I am worried about telling my workmates if I was pregnant. I tend to feel that they would think "Get a life". My GP also said that perhaps it was time to let the next generation take over- he was quick to point out that I could be a grandmother in 10 years or less. Not very encouraging!

script what a cheek from our GP. Mine has always been so nice and when i told her recently that I felt I was at the end of my journey she said she was still hoping it would happen for us.

I think maybe those celebs use doner eggs and have IVF - not always, but sometimes.

I hope that i didn't put you off trying. You could be one of the lucky ones, I guess I just wanted you to go into it with your eyes wide open - mine were a bit bloody blinkered at the beginning to be honest

As I said, there is a lady on the thread who just had her 6th baby at age 44 and has not ruled out trying for a 7th - she has, of course, suffered a few losses along the way though. Hard isn't it??

My boys are so good with babies, I know if we had another one the age gap would not matter in our family. Heartbreakingly we had already told them about the first pregnancy and had to tell them when we found out it had stopped progressing - worst day of my life . We didn't tell them when I got pregnant again, thankfully. And I wouldn't tell them if I was successful again - not until I was confident of a take home baby.

All the very best to you and yours. X

Hippychick66: No you haven't discouraged me. I am very grateful that you have taken the time to share your story. It is much better that I understand the reality of trying to have a baby in my 40's. As you say we aren't always told whether donor eggs are used or not.

I am terrified of having a mc at work. My colleagues called an ambulance when it happened before. It happened so quickly and the cramps were much worse than labour pains. If I could take a year off work- I would give it a go. That comes across very negative, but I feel that they would think me very foolish.

If I am honest I would not want a wee baby with a chromosomal abnormality. I would worry how that would impact on my other two. We don't have any support and my DH runs his own business. I do know that age doesn't guarantee that everything will be perfect. I have a friend who had her ds baby at 20. I just worry how I would cope at 42.

As I said my grandmother had a perfectly healthy girl at 45. She gave birth to a little girl at 37 who died at 3 months. I know there are no guarantees. If only it was that easy! Part of my problem was that I always fantasised about having one in my 40's. I am NOT so brave when it comes to it.

Thank you so much for your good wishes. I have a strong faith and you will be in my prayers.

thanks so much sweetie Keep me informed?

I will - take care xx