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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How much do you actually, you know?

22 replies

eurochick · 10/05/2011 22:09

OK, it's a very personal question so only answer if you feel comfortable, but charting has made me realise how little we manage it some months.

Pre-TTC we were weekend bonkers. We both work full time and tend to use weekday evenings for gym, seeing friends, work events, etc.

As fertile times don't always fall at weekends, we now make the effort on weekdays around ov time. But the amount we manage varies hugely, particularly as I travel for work sometimes. Since we have been trying we have done it between 1 and 8 times around the fertile period in a cycle (the one was the night before I went overseas for work for two weeks).

Although targetting the fertile time, we are still managing to have a lot of fun with it.

OP posts:

no1childminder · 10/05/2011 22:12

hi, when we conceived our first we were doing it roughly 2/3 times a week. i didnt think this was enough, but we conceived in the first month of trying! we are hoping it will only take that this time! :)

Purplelooby · 10/05/2011 22:13

I reckon we are at about twice a week now...

goingmadtrying · 10/05/2011 22:19

I was just thinking the same!!! I am only getting in between 3 - 7 a month to be honest worrying that's not enough!!!

Original poster

eurochick · 10/05/2011 22:31

I didn't realise how little we were getting down to it before I started charting. We have stepped it up now though.

I have a trip to Brussels around fertile time this cycle but thankfully it is a short one, so we should still have it covered! It does make it tricky though.

OP posts:

Bexamundo · 11/05/2011 06:57

It varies, when we first got married (bearing in mind we waited) it was about 3 times a week. As things settled it became more like you with weekend only. When I came off the pill, my sex drive increased but Dh's didn't which left me feeling like I was a bit wanton asking for more sex!
Tbh while ttc we've struggled to have enough sex. The most we managed was 7 times in a cycle. The pressure of ttc and lack of success (it's been 16 months) has caused some performance issues with Dh which is a perpetuating cycle. Sometimes he makes excuses not to try.
This cycle he tried to commit to more sex, 5 times pre-ovulation! But when she saw my.chart and realised it was the crucial time the pressure got to him and now I suspect it won't be til Saturday, he's usually too tired on a Friday.
If we want to dtd on a week night, It's more likely to happen if I lure him to bed early evening. I guess it's about timing during the day and I'm not showing him my chart again! Just gonna wander round in my undies!

farfallarocks · 11/05/2011 09:39

Morning. This topic is close to my heart at the moment as we have the same issue. Mostly only at the weekends (once or twice) and not suring the week to be honest unless we are on holiday.

I made the mistake of announcing that this was the week we should DTD loads and DH had stage fright last night. Has now announced we should only do it when we feel like it and it should not be a 'project'.

I thought it might be fun to know when I was more fertile ansd actively try more, liek a joint project, and most of friends who have got pregnant easily have done it this way (sex every day at the right time with a willing DH!!)
I also found my sex drive shot up after coming off the pill. DH's sex drive has decreased over the years and mine has increased. Oh dear.
He is also in a fairly stressful job and so really only feels like it at the weekend.

So now I am at a lose. Don;t want to force the issue and for it to become more of an issue and therefore more of a turn off. But equally I don;t want to try for ages and not be successful cos of timing. Argh!
Also I feel now any attempt to initiate sex will just be seen as a ploy to get preggers when I am actually just genuinely way more up for it during the fertile times.

KnittingKnots · 11/05/2011 11:59

Once a week for us, except on holiday and then it's all the time ! I know some people claim to be getting it all times of the day and night but I just don't believe them!! (Or else I do believe them, and am secretly jealous!) I think we both just get tired, or a bit bogged down in day to day life, during the week.
We're trying to step it up a bit, and DH is keen, but my periods are all over the place so we don't really know when to focus our attention!! We once managed to do it every other day for a whole week and it was really fun... and then we stopped again!
I also think that the pressure to do it has also stopped us enjoying it quite so much, which is a real shame. And I do feel as though I'm nagging him the whole time. We both really want a baby, but I'm not sure how it's become my responsibility to make sure we're having enough sex!!
It's tricky, I know that we should "just relax and enjoy it", but if we went back to the pattern we were comfortable with then we'd never get anywhere!!

Original poster

eurochick · 11/05/2011 12:26

Same here, knitting knots!

I have to say, I am quite jealous of past times where people would get married quickly having had for the most part relatively little sex before and then quickly get knocked up because they were jumping one another's bones every 5 minutes! It does seem to take more effort when you are in your mid 30s, have been together for aeons and both have demanding jobs that often run into the evenings!

A friend of mine who got duffed first cycle with her first and second cycle with her second (had a chem preg first cycle) mentioned that she jumps her bloke every day from the end of her period for about 10 days. It made me realise we probably were not doing it enough and we have stepped up our game over the past few weeks! It helped that she was in a new relationship when she started trying though - she had only been with her bloke 6 months.

OP posts:

Aworryingtrend · 11/05/2011 12:46

We have sex on average 21 times a cycle. We have only been actively TTC since Christmas so not focussing too much yet on trying to time it around ovulation- trying to keep it fun for as long as possible

Dropdeadfred · 11/05/2011 12:50

well..it does only take one sperm in theory but seriously doing it every other day for the week pre and during ovulation is adequate and then whenever you feel like it..i would have thought twice a week is the low side of normal

farfallarocks · 11/05/2011 14:33

' doing it every other day for the week pre and during ovulation '

I wish

I need to get DH more focused but HOW? Without it turning it into some sort of chore..
eurochick totally agree, new relationships must be a lot easier to conceive in

Dropdeadfred · 11/05/2011 14:48

Well... I guess having sex just to get pregnant can be a bit of a passion killer for men and women. But having sex every other day shouldn't be that difficult during peak times whilst ttc should it?
I guess I'm 'lucky' (?) that my dh would do it twice a day every day give. The chance...
Perhaps stop telling them it's ttc sex and just jump them as often as poss !!

Bexamundo · 11/05/2011 17:12

I am at a loss as to how to manage this...encouraging Dh to have sex just makes him worse! Puts him off completely! How do you emphasise the need to have sex when you're fertile without creating so much pressure it stops him performing completely?! Argh. Definitely not telling him when I'm fertile next month!

Dropdeadfred · 11/05/2011 22:55

Well... Do you think that the fact you are ttc puts him off? Ie the feeling of being 'used' for procreation? Have you changed the frequency since beginning ttc? Did he always need alot of encouragement??

Original poster

eurochick · 11/05/2011 23:16

In my own case, we would never have conceived if we hadn't changed frequency!

As I said in my OP though, we are managing to enjoy it. Hubby knows roughly when it's SWI time (not least because he gets dragged to the bedroom midweek which is something we have never done at other times), but I don't tell him about opk results or charts (although he knows I am doing both) and have bought quite a lot of tat from Ann Summers that is helping to get us both in the mood and keep it fun.

OP posts:

Bexamundo · 12/05/2011 06:37

I did wonder for a while if he didn't actually want to ttc. Definitely had to increase frequency to ttc, initially just dtd when we felt like it unprotected but after over a year we realised it's not enough.
He's had occasional performance issues anyway before ttc so I'm sure the added pressure doesn't help. He's been depressed too to.the point we just had 3 months where I refused to go on the pill again but we didn't actively ttc. He's waiting for some counselling so I'm hoping things will improve after that.
Maybe I need to go shopping for new undies!

Original poster

eurochick · 12/05/2011 11:10

Very few men seem to be immune to the charms of scratchy leopard print/black and red lace tat from AS. It's worth a try!

BTW, I am not sure why I wrote "we would never have conceived" because as far as I know we haven't yet!

OP posts:

KnittingKnots · 12/05/2011 11:29

yes to new undies!! Not sure where you live, but I went to intimissi at westfield and they have some nice things...

farfallarocks · 12/05/2011 11:54

Right. Got my Peak this morning, backed up with a smiley face so will go into seduction mode this evening.
Have a sinking feeling that as DH got in at 3am last night after a night out with clients that we are not going to get there.
I really don't want to push it and come across as desperate but that is what I am of course

brettgirl2 · 14/05/2011 08:14

My DH had some performance issues. It was starting to be the same every month - when it mattered it just didn't happen. The following worked for us:

Accepting that every day is impossible and aiming for every other day up to ovulation. (As I was using CBFM this took discipline when it went to peak!) Knowing I wasn't going to expect him to do it two days running helped him to relax.
DH took a male fertility supplement, stopped taking hot baths, ate only organic dairy products, drank no alcohol

I eventually got a BFP a couple of weeks ago. I think they definitely have to get their heads out of the sand and admit there is a problem. Not an easy thing for men to do!

pommedechocolat · 14/05/2011 11:06

We are doing every other day this month although I(we) ruined it as I jumped him when i came home last night and it was supposed to be a night 'off'.
Dd is 13 months and over the last 6 months or so we have been managed maybe 2 a week which is a lot less than pre pregnancy (and during pregnancy and first few months of dd's life sex was rare).
So far DH is loving ttc and was actually quite pleased with the bfn last month as he wanted some more weeks with lots of shagging!
I don't know how long that will go on for though. i suspect if it takes too many cycles than a worry about their health comes in as well? A worry about not giving you what you really want?

farfallarocks · 16/05/2011 09:58

I would just like to second the use/sucess of opening the door in nice underwear and not making it obvious.
We were going out so I made it seem like I was just getting ready to go out.
He did not twig that the last time I wore that underwear was on honeymoon so I suppose men are simple creatures!!

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