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Conception

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Original poster

Having a baby over 40?

12 replies

venuspop · 08/05/2011 16:59

Hello all I am new to this forum. I am 42 years old with one 7 year old son. Up until recently I did not want anymore children.

My husband and I have decided that we would like to have another baby but it is a bit of a scary prospect at my age.

I have an appointment booked with my gp to discuss things but wanted to get some advice and info from women in my position.

We have made a decision that if I cannot conceive we are not going down the route of IVF.

I would like another baby and my husband would have liked more but we didn't meet until we were both over 30 so he is very happy about trying. That said we have a fab 7 year old boy and a great life together so if it doesn't happen then that is just how things work out for us.

If anyone can give me the benefit of their expereince that would be great!

Thanks, Amanda

OP posts:
rockinhippy · 08/05/2011 17:23

I had my first, naturally & no real problems - at nearly 42, so it can be done :)

though I was pretty much exactly in your situation - though older - as regards having a 2nd & it just didn't happen - we would have loved another - but don't really miss not having one at all IYSWIM - DD complains at times, but then again her friends are forever complaining about their siblings & realises we get to do more as she's an only child - so she sees the benefit in it too, so it is what it is & no-one is unhappy with things as they are.

The one thing I will say though, is factor in a long rest after the birth, it really does take it out of you &you don't recover so quickly when you're older - you can end up making yourself ill if you try & be super woman & don't factor in your age

good luck :)

Original poster
venuspop · 08/05/2011 17:28

Thanks, I am getting some great replies from people which is really helpful.

Sounds like good advice on the recovery front - I hadn't thought of that! but I work for myself so I can work that in.

Thanks again!

xx

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 08/05/2011 17:46

I am 16 weeks pg with my second at 40; it's due two weeks before my 41st birthday. We had no problem conceiving, but were made VERY aware of the risk of genetic abnormality from the moment I first saw the midwife. Nuchal fold and blood tests have shown this to be v low, but there is still a risk of structural defects.

Sylvie69 · 08/05/2011 18:57

I have three lovely boys 6 4 and 2, I am 42 and we have decided to try again. I would love a girl, I'm too scared to let myself believe it might happen. I don't want to seem ungrateful, I will be happy if the baby is healthy.

It's really helped me reading about all you other over 40 Mums, makes me realise I'm not the only one in my situation.

tallulah · 08/05/2011 19:09

I had my DD at 43. Before she arrived I had 2 missed mc in a row- something that does seem to be quite common on this board. First was at 11 weeks and 2nd at 7 weeks, both needing an ERPC.

The nuchal scan was reassuring but my bloods didn't get processed for some reason, so were done separately, and gave me a risk of 1:24 for Down Syndrome. Also found out since that at that age the bloods always come back bad.

I did get very tired towards the end of the pgcy but DD was fine.

Stangirl · 09/05/2011 19:34

I had DD at 41 and am now expecting DS in 2 months at 42. I did have problems conceiving and went the IVF route. I didn't find myself particularly tired after I had DD - was too excited I think - and have found it all quite easy. I am very unfit. I am now tired post-30 weeks pg but no more so than many of my mates in their 30s have been - in fact everyone comments on how I manage to work full time and take DD to nursery in and out of central London via public transport every day as if it is the most amazing feat.

rockinhippy · 10/05/2011 10:31

standgirl I think it depends a lot on what type of work you do, hours etc & whether its physically/mentally stressful, but from experience I certainly won't recommend not taking heed of either your age, or general post natal health, & taking things very slowly, - even though we are often under a LOT of pressure to not do so -

I'm sure I could have smugly written something along the lines of your own post when I was first back to work (too soon) but in a relatively short space of time - 6- 9 months - I was on my knees & had totally burnt myself out, & ended up practically unable to get out of bed for over 6 months & was forced to give up work- I later went on to get a Fibromyalgia Diagnosis, followed by M.E. - strangely, an old friend in another town, who is my age & having her first baby within a week of myself, had pretty much an identical experience & was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a few weeks after I was -

so where as I'm pleased for people who genuinely DO get away with it, I personally think, with older Mums in particular its a risk not worth taking & we have to be realistic & accept we are not as young as we were & be sensible & make provisions for that after the birth

rockinhippy · 10/05/2011 10:34

P.S. Grin - I still wouldn't change it for the world though - DD is MORE than worth it :)

Stangirl · 11/05/2011 05:10

rockinhippy I wasn't trying to sound smug - I was just trying to be encouraging to the OP. As I said I am very unfit but I guess my health has always been robust (good peasant stock I always tell DP). I took a year's mat leave - which was very fortunate - and returned to a 9-5 job fulltime that is mentally stressful (dealing with traumatically bereaved - i spend a lot of the day popping out to the loo to cry because the stories are so sad). I also have several friends in their 40s who became Mums again/for the first time in their 40s and fortunately none of them experienced the health issues you sadly have. In fact they are all busy pushing their DPs/DHs for more kids - it seems to be the older men that are more resistant in my friendship group!

Good luck and best wishes OP with whatever you decide.

rockinhippy · 11/05/2011 11:45

Sorry stangirl that does read badly, I didn't mean to make it read as if you sounded smug, just that I could have myself, as when first back at work I was back to my old self instantly & seemed more than able to juggle my full on career, commute & new baby etc etc, -

I am also being supportive of the OP, but also feel its really important to reiterate not over doing it at our age is - any age really, but probably more so for us - & as you now say you took a years maternity leave, then you obviously WERE more sensible than I was & gave yourself plenty of time to recover & settle into Motherhood - I didn't as was back after less than 3 months & still BF & thanks to redundancy threats to my staff if I didn't - back full time in 4 - it was that that knocked me for 6, part time I could cope with fine- though I did have added stress with my employers changed attitude, but apparently thats not that uncommon either:( - my old friend didn't & she like me went back too soon & finished to close to delivery date - easily done when you THINK you feel okay - don't envy you your job though with post natal hormones - that must be difficult - I cry at adverts since having DDBlush

Stangirl · 13/05/2011 18:56

rockinhippy - post-natal hormones you say? Hell, pre-natal - I'm 7months up the duff again and running around after my 15month old. I shall however be taking a full year's mat leave agin. I hope your job stress has decreased.

hopefulgum · 14/05/2011 01:22

Venuspop, if you'd like to join us in the over 40's ttc thread, we are very welcomingwww.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1182749-Feisty-Fabulous-Forty-somethings-part-3

I am 44 and hoping to get pregnant after having a miscarriage at Christmas time. I had my last baby at 41, so it is definitely do-able.

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