Self Loathing Rant. Feel free to give me a slap and tell me to get a grip

[melliebobs]

So yday i get a message off my cousin saying her and dh are expecting. Although deep deep down (somewhere honest) i'm happy for them. I'm (can't even think of the word to describe it) but gutted/jealous/pissed off comes close to it. Me and dh are ttc, only 2nd month into it and i know people will be screaming at their computer screen telling me i need to get a grip 2 months is nothing. But feel this has come out of the blue, for someone who always said 'don't want kids. More interested in my carer/living the high life blah blah blah' Also i know it's pathetic but i was quite looking forward to the possibilty of producing the first great grandchild for my only grandparent. Tragic. Ah well, at least yday my dh felt the same lil tinge of dissapointment as me but for some reason after a crap nights sleep this feeling wont go away :( He's gone off to work today all positive 'this month will be our month i know it' (and hes suggested taking me out at the weekend) I know it wont be though. Life's never that kind and I can feel AF creeping up and me rasing its ugly lil head.

Just eugh. Need to get a grip. Need to go to work but i can't think clearly. Today is going to be a loooooooooooooooooooooooong day.

Rant officially over

Get a grip woman!

Seriously, you are allowed to feel like this, you can't help it! But you are only on month 2 so positive vibes it happens soon. I know only too well how gutting it is, its not that you are unhappy for them just sad that it hasn't happened for yourself (with a small spattering of resentful added to the mix).

If af does come then look at it at this way, there is a whole new month of opportunity ahead of you. All I can suggest is shag a lot and try not to stress! But what you are feeling is natural.

It's completely normal.

My hubby's brother met the woman who he married years after hubby and I got together. While I was still waiting for him to propose (let alone be ready to try for a kid), she got pregnant. I cried. And that is quite a big deal as I am not a crier (tears are usually reserved for grief and diagnosies of serious/terminal illness in the family).

My 'best friend' has just had her first, unplanned but much loved, and married a doctor. I am so happy for her, especially the baby as she had had a cyst removed from her ovary a couple of years ago, but how can she be a best friend after that?

your not the only one! i've not even started ttc yet and i got upset because my sister announced she's pregnant! terribly irrational of me but everything happens for a reason and the babies will probably grow up being fantastic friends!

Thanks guys. As irational as i'm feeling im glad its somewhat normal! Shattered n ready for good nights sleep and put it to te back of my mind tommorow :)