Someone, please, slap some sense into me!

[cheekylittlenamechange]

Dp and I have been ttc since august. Not really long, but long enough to feel frustrated, angry (why?), upset, jealous of all new mums ... you get the idea, I am a horrible person.

We already have ds, 2, but I'm greedy and want lots more right now dammit. Last night, ds's godmother became an aunt. This morning, I had another bfn. :( Sent godmother a happy text, congratulating her and dsis. Text chat ensues, bfn pops up in conversation. She sympathises, I play the martyr tell her its no big deal, today isn't about that.

So, this afternoon she sends me a multimedia message of new baby. Why?? She knows how I'm feeling, she knows I don't want new babies shoved in my face right now...

I am genuinely thrilled, but could this picture not have waited until tomorrow or after the weekend? Just a little time to deal with yet another disappointment. Is that too much to ask? Go on... exactly how awful and selfish am I?

[batteryhen]

not selfish at all. I had 2 Miscarriages last year, my friend and neighbour knows this and knows that we have been TTC since the last one in October. I got home from work around a month ago for her to excitedly call me over to her house and wave a positive cb test announcing she was 2-3 weeks pregnant. Hooray I said. Well done for you and your fertility I said. (In my head I was thinking F* off out of my face :) Also she is not 8 weeks yet and her nursery is complete, pram bought, she has everything ready. (not hand me downs - she is first time mum)

You know it will happen for you, it's just EVERYONE seems to be pregnant when you are not xx

[RuthChan]

You're NOT selfish.
You're NOT a horrible person.

I am so sorry to hear how you're feeling. It's SUCH a difficult time, you genuinely feel happy for people having babies, but at the same time the jealousy and feelings of your own inability to conceive just eat you up inside, don't they.
It took me 18 months to conceive DD (my first child) and I hated all the confused emotions I experienced through that time.

Have you been to a doctor about this at all?
Even though you already have one child, things may have changed and there may be something that can be done to help you.
Try to focus on the positive things that you CAN do about this rather than letting the negative eat you up. :)

[cheekylittlenamechange]

Battery - so sorry about your mcs. I can't begin to imagine how terrible that must have been... still probably is.

Ruth - I have pcos so have been to the doctor several times. They were useless!

Think its more annoying than anything because we weren't even trying for ds. It was so easy. Planning lots of vodka tonight. Hopefully dp will pull his finger something else out and be of some use tonight :o

Thank you both for making me feel a bit less wretched. I am probably happier for the lucky bastards new mums than I would otherwise have been as I appreciate pregnancy mire now than I did before. Ho hum, that's something at least.

[ChantingAsISpeak]

Cheeky, you are really not selfish or horrid - it is amazing how insensitive some people can be, not deliberately, but not thinking. A friend of mine went through a whole series of mcs and her close friends seemed to do nothing but post baby pics and stories on facebook.

Best of luck.

[eurochick]

You are not being horrible at all. TTC is a v emotional time.

I seemed to be surrounded by bumps this morning on the train. I was stuck standing, sweating away with a stinking cold. I was grumpily thinking that even if I had managed to get a seat I would have had to give it up for the bump ladies and I WANT A BUMP and they would have both a bump and a seat.

I was not being wholly rational. And I had just been to vote. I am sure I shouldn't have been allowed.

[poutintrout]

You are not horrible or selfish at all. Like you we have been trying for months and months and months and it has been one of the most draining times of my life - not the amazing experience I expected it to be at all.

AF arrived yesterday for me and I had a horrible petulant little fit in which I was lamenting about the unfairness of the women on some BBC3 documentary having babies & feeding them shite when I can't have a baby. Who resigned and made me God?

I can't help these feelings of anger and sheer disbelief at each failure month - I think that you did really well to even have a conversation about somebody elses pregnancy today. I spent yesterday comparing my reproductive system to the mouldy peaches in the fruit bowl - over dramatic moi?

[cheekylittlenamechange]

Pout, I know exactly how you feel. This one was speshly tough as AF hasn't been in over 6 weeks. Really got my hopes up. May try a different name brand poas. But see little point tbh. My body seems to enjoy taunting me with phantom pregnancy symptoms at the moment.

It is worse when you see someone not appreciating what they have when you want that thing so badly. And you should be able to have that yet pregnancy eludes you. Mentioned this to my best friend today and she just didn't understand. She effectively told me I was behaving appallingly and to get a grip. Makes me sad that she can offer no sympathy, not even pretend to. Thanks to you all for being nice.

I can't even string a decent sentence together about this! Why is the most natural thing in the world so bloody hard?!

[cheekylittlenamechange]

Eurochick :o

I was sent for an ultrasound on the nhs a while back, make sure everything works right. They only booked me in when all the bumps were there for scans. I cried for the rest of the day. Pregnant women are so insensitive, how dare they have a bump before me!

[RunningOutOfIdeas]

If you are awfull and selfish, then so am I. I have a DD and desperately want another. I had a MC in November. Yesterday while picking DD up from nursey, one mum came in with her 2 week old at the same time as another who is 8 months pregnant. I just wanted to run away and cry.

I resorted to wine instead last night.

[cheekylittlenamechange]

Running - wine is the next best thing, isn't it? There was a heavily pregnant woman at ds's club today, and another boy was with his dad because his mum gave birth yesterday. Completely understand.

That's just reminded me, ds is still napping. Oh bum, he won't be sleeping tonight! Best go rouse the lazy lump.