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Conception

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Original poster

older mum ( 42) should i have a second child?

19 replies

mopsera · 02/05/2011 18:30

...im 42 1/2 and have a 15 month old and we are thinking of trying for another.However Im worried about my age and getting onto that rollercoaster again! wether i have the energy and stamina and wether the babe will be ok, ( risk or downs syndrome etc) plus going thru birth again! owwwww....f*

i dont want to wait too ,much longer or it will be too late!

OP posts:
rologoingsolo · 02/05/2011 18:41

Go for it!! You have the enthusiasm which is a huge plus! Good luck x

d0gFace · 02/05/2011 18:48

If its what you want go for it :)

DreamingOfABump · 02/05/2011 18:49

up to you. Energy and stamina wont be a problem as you'll just get on with it. The risks of downs syndrome obviously are higher but would have been relatively high when you had your last child, the options of screening will probably be the same as they were then. Birth, well yes it'll be ouch but if its your second baby its likely to be much much quicker and easier than last time. I'd say if its what you want its best to crack on with it now! x

Original poster
mopsera · 03/05/2011 18:33

thanks dreamingofbump does this mean you are trying for a baby. we are trying to work out the fertile times well, i am i think life is short and my dad died recently so....i would love a boy . ! but ...any advice about trying for A BOY> ? i love this site...2 glasses of barefoot wine later! i really reccomend rothschild or barefoot wine....mmmmmmm kids rule !

OP posts:
Original poster
mopsera · 03/05/2011 18:35

i love being a mum and im very lucky as i have a partner who has had 2 boys already and been ' the mum' for 15 years and i really appreciate that as he knows so much

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mylovelymonster · 03/05/2011 18:44

I had DD2 at 40. Labour was unbelievably easy compared to first time round.You owe it to yourself to have an easy labour at least once Grin

(Pregnancy fine, bit of swelling legs towards end, but otherwise very robust 8lb10oz on just gas & air, 1.5 hours................)

Are you otherwise fit & healthy, apart from impending senility of course?

Pipbin · 03/05/2011 20:14

This might sound incredibly heartless of me but ............

I am an only child, as a child this didn't cause me too much trouble but as an adult it is starting to worry me. You see my father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few years ago. As my hubby is one of three there was always someone around to help out, talk to, be there for mother in law when she needed etc.
What happens when my folks start to get older or get sick? There is just me, no support network. No one to help with the tricky questions.

Have another baby for your baby.

However, this is just me and my very personal opinion. I apologise if I offend anyone.

eurochick · 03/05/2011 20:27

Pipbin, as another only, I agree and would like two myself (if I can have them) for this reason. I didn't mind it too much as a child, although it could occasionally be lonely (I can remember once playing snakes and ladders against myself because I had no one to play with....). But as an adult who has seen both parents go through cancer in their 40s and 50s, it has been a lot to handle by myself.

Plus everyone tends to assume onlies are self-centred spoilt brats. Even if they are lovely well-rounded individuals like me! Grin

Pipbin · 03/05/2011 20:43

I know Eurochick, I hear people say things like 'typical only child behaviour' or 'well she is an only child' all the time (I'm a teacher).
It's almost like we are a minority it's ok to be rude about.

hester · 03/05/2011 20:46

I had mine at 41 (birth child) and 46 (through adoption). I'm knackered. But they bring me - and each other - so much joy, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Don't do it for your child, though. Do it for yourself, if you want to.

bigbumum · 03/05/2011 20:55

What if you cant have any more?

Im 40 nearly 41 and have been trying for number 2 for 4 years now...with no success.

My boy is nearly 8 and is an only, think i have now accepted that i am unable t have any more children when i could have been trying and could have succesfully had another child 5 or 6 years ago.

Secondary infertility is a kinda bitch.

Pipbin · 03/05/2011 21:00

I said it above but I am sorry if I upset anyone. Being an only is OK.

randomimposter · 03/05/2011 21:08

Hi mopsera

I am 43 and very keen for another. DS is 3 at the end of the month.

Have had 3MMCs since him. Even if I do get pg again, which after 4 easy times is suddenly very elusive, it's a long journey to your take-home baby, very long at our age :(.

BUT I have to try for a bit longer. Or I'll look back in 2/3/4 years and ask "what if".

eurochick · 03/05/2011 21:09

I agree. When I was in 6th form a teacher had had one and really didn't want any more. She kept cornering me to get me to reassure her that being an only was ok really and I could genuinely do that. It is only with my parents' ill-health that I have really see it as a disadvantage.

I am having trouble TTC my first at 35, so facing the fact that I may never have one, let alone two!

wheresmytractor · 03/05/2011 21:18

I agree with pipbin and eurochick, as an only child its hard during childhood and as an adult. I am 36 and STILL jealous of people with close siblings. When my mum died of cancer leaving her elderly mother in need of care it was and still is just me to carry the burden. If I only had the one child and could have no more I would probably adopt to give companionship to my child. But again, its just my personal perspective, no offence to anyone else. Having more than one is great by the way, they'll fight entertain each other Grin

wheresmytractor · 03/05/2011 21:23

x posts eurochick - sorry. Sorry to hear you are struggling ttc, all the best. Being an only is ok, you're right, its not awful, I just felt lonely but that could also be due to a disinterested step father and absent birth father! But then i'll never know I guess if it was lack of siblings or step dad. But thats a whole other story.......

hester · 03/05/2011 21:25

Best of luck eurochick.

eurochick · 03/05/2011 21:50

Thanks all. I appreciate the supportive comments (and the encouraging idea that if I manage to have one, I have a few more years to try to fit in a second).

Original poster
mopsera · 04/05/2011 02:27

thanks thats really given me a few things to think over, and being an only child with ill parents sounds tough; i have 2 siblings and my dad died recently so have decided ( partner already keen ) to try again; as i realise the best things come with hard work! i have thought about adoption too if i cant concieve... we havent been trying very much as i wanted my dc to be over 18 months when i concieved ideally but i think its time to get a move on; as you say could have mc's ( had one first time round - ooo not enjoyable but think it was body warming up for pregnancy )and time ticks on. Am also bf ing still and wondering if this is acting as a natural contraceptive ? plus just dont have a sx drive!

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