How much of your life do you put on hold?

[farfallarocks]

Hello, newbie here although have been lurking for ages. I am 31, married 2 yrs and just started TTC, 3rd cycle in and no luck yet.
I have a general question. I am taking folic acid and generally being 'healthy' about diet and excercise. Not made a huge amount of changes but drinking only a glass of wine or 2 at the weekend.
How much of your life should you change whilst trying to get preggers? I am trying not to obsess about it but frankly it takes up every waking moment at the moment! All my friends have got pregnant without trying or in the first cycle.
My husband is now planning a trip to India that we have wanted to go on for ages but its never been a good time. We are planning to go in October but I don't want to go if I am pregnant. He has said we have to take that risk and just take out insurance or something if I am. So, am I being silly, should I just carry on regardless and see what happens/worry about it then and there?

I'd carry on regardless (and go to India even if I succeeded). I've been trying for almost a year - as I'm sure many will tell you, it can take a long long time and there's no point putting everything on hold.

Also, having interesting things coming up will help distract you a little.

That Shimmery, I suspect you are right. I am finding it quite hard not to 'obsess' which I know is the worst thing you can do!

On the India point, would you not be worried about food poisoning etc?

I am doing much the same as you in terms of being moderately healthy but having the odd glass of vino, etc.

Personally, I wouldn't book the trip to India. You would need to make sure you vaccinations are up to date now (and stop TTC for a while if you need certain ones - I can't remember which) and make sure you go to a non-malarial area. We are looking at long haul trips later in the year and are trying to find options that are non-malarial and not at high altitude (not sure if I could deal with that and a bump!). If the vaccinations are not a problem, you could just book last minute and go to India if you are not duffed and somewhere else if you are? (This is probably what we will end up doing).

If there's one thing I have learnt from nearly a year of ttc is that you need to carry on with life and keep planning holidays and events in the future as there are no guarantees. I wish I had, instead I have spent the last year putting things off and worrying about booking skiing because I might be pregnant etc etc and in turn having nothing to look forward to because my whole life has been revolved around ttc.

So I would definitely plan your trip to India, it will give you sth else to focus on because it is very easy to obsess when it doesn't happen immediately. Also, when you have a great trip planned, you hope sod's law will do his thing and come in and ruin everything by getting you updiffed . If you do happen to get pregnant before you go, you can cross that hurdle when you get to it and get advice from your GP. Just make sure you're covered if you do have to cancel.

Thanks everyone, you are all right I can't obsess and put everything on hold.

I am up to date on vaccinations I would need anyway, anti-malarials don't agree with me at the best of times so that will be the challenge I suppose.
I think a last minute hols will be the best option.
Hope everyone enjoys the sunshine and the long weekend.

I think you'd be fine so long as you were reasonably careful about what you ate. I spent a year in China and only once got food poisoning, so I wouldn't be too worried. You just have to remember the general tips like to only drink bottled water (with the bottle seal being intact before you drink it!) and avoid ice.

Book your trip! India is amazing and if you don't go when you have a baby you will possibly never go. If you get pregnant before then, fab and you make the necessary adjustments (by the way, we ate vegetarian food in India, loved it and neither of us was ill in the 5 weeks we were there so that doesn't have to be a concern). If you don't get pregant before, well then you can enjoy an amazing holiday, rather than not being pregnant and not being on holiday wishing you were!
I've been trying for 18 months and you spend the whole time thinking about maybe I'll be pregnant at this event or by then, but you can't put everything on hold on just in case..

Oh god I know exactly what you mean, you do kind of put your life on hold. DH and I were planning a trip to the states before we started TTC but we just never got round to it, now I don't feel like booking it in case we have to cancel. But the alternative is to put TTC on hold - and I don't think I can bear to!

Do not put your life on hold.
Book, and take the trip; if it's in October you'll only be 5 months pg by that point anyway at the most- perfect timing- you'll be full of energy, feel great and have a manageable bump.
If you're not pg by that point, taking a fantastic trip with your DH could really help :) it will give you something to look forward to and keep your mind off ttc.
You need to be realistic about ttc: a year is normal, especially after 30. I don't want to depress you or anything, but it could take longer. You can't obsess about it, especially only 3 months in. You will drive yourself mental, and believe me, it's not a nice feeling. Getting upduffed is different for everyone and depends on hundreds of factors; don't compare yourself to your friends and family, they always seem to get pg v quickly; in reality, it probably took a while for them too. Be nice to yourself (and your DH) and really, really try not to work yourself up about it, there's plenty of time for that yet!

As someone who spent 7 years trying to conceive, and now 2 1/2 years ttc no.2, I have to say don't put your life on hold. Travel while pregnant is feasible, there's insurance that can cover cancellation if necessary, and life will go on whether you're living it to the full or not.

OK, I had a 'camping+walking holiday' in France amended to a 'B+B and walking holiday' and then as it turned out 'B+Bs and being driven around pretty places', a conference in the States was cancelled luckily, and I went to a rock gig in a wheelchair, and at some point I may well annoy an employer by getting pregnant, but hey, at least they'll have 4 months or more to plan, unlike if someone simply resigns with 6 weeks notice!

Jenni it feels like you're jinxing it though, like your heart's not really in it. And what about the expense if you can't go? It's not like pg is a good time to be financially reckless.

Is there really insurance that will pay out if you have to cancel cause of of related illness?

go to india - have a relaxing holiday and it may help with ttc. you are only 31, not running out of time just yet :)

I know I am in the minority but I would still suggest not booking if it is a malarial area (I note you say that other jabs would not be an issue for you). Some friends of mine went to India in Feb and they have been trying to conceive for a while. They hadn't realised when they booked they would have to stop trying for at least a couple of cycles and ended up in a real quandry about whether to cancel or not. You have more time on your side, my friends are late 30s, but if you are well into your TTC time, a couple of cycles "off" might not be welcome. And it would mean you couldn't use your relaxed holiday time to bonk one another senseless in the hope of getting lucky! We would have loved to start trying on our honeymoon but couldn't because of malaria drugs. And the thing is, you have to wait a while after taking them too, so it affects a longer period of time than you might think.

I certainly wouldn't suggest not booking holidays not affected by by vaccinations/malaria prophylaxis. I wouldn't worry about getting food poisoning or flying or any of that.

If you can find insurance that would let you cancel if pregnancy meant you couldn't go, that's great.

Good luck whatever you decide.

If you got pregnant this month you not be able to fly in october. Might be best leaving it nearer the time unless insurance will cover you for cancelling

I've just booked a trip to India and we are still ttc. We've been trying for a year now and you can't put things on hold. As someone else said you'd only be five months at most and you can fly till seven without doctors note on airline I booked so double check your airlines policy when you book. It I tough not to out things on hold but the less you obsess on it the easier it will be to conceive and if you put things on hold you give yourself a 'deadline' as you are now expecting to be pregnant by October which puts pressure on you and makes you obsess more.

Wouldnt you be more like 6 months. Dont forget by the time you have missed your period you are 1 month. Also need to consider how any weeks you will be when you fly back. It might be worth just hanging on till next month

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Dont know what I did there to get a big gap

Generally, the second trimester seems to be the safest time in pregnancy. Fairly low chance of miscarriage or the pre-birth complications. So we are planning a European break for the summer (fine regardless of time) and a longer haul holiday later in the year aiming for either a ttc trip if we are not duffed then, or trying to fit in the second trimester if I am. We almost always book fairly last minute anyway, so that is what we will do.

I don't think that it obsessing about it (I am actually feeling quite chilled about ttc most of the time), just sensible planning.