First month of actively trying.... terrified. Need help

[Grumbler]

First time on Mumsnet and am here in search of moral support. Came off all forms of contraception last year, assumed naively that the rest would take care of itself. Slow creeping fear has overtaken me since as NOTHING has happened. Started to read up, and realised what an enormously complicated and scary proposition this is. Maybe I'm very stupid, but I NEVER realised how very short that golden window of opportunity was, and how very unlikely it is anyone out there manages it at all. Of my female friends, they fit firmly into two distinct camps of 'have beautiful wonderful babies and didn't really have to put much thought or effort into getting pregnant' or 'are actively avoiding pregnancy' - therefore have no opportunity to vent as both sets have no idea what I'm talking about.
Have done all the maths and scribbled over my calender - reassuring myself that certainly since Christmas we just haven't been doing the deed at the appropriate time due to boring reality such as work schedules - and am now all fired up to be at it like rabbits from Tuesday to Saturday next week.
Down side is that then the overwhelming anticipation, and potential crushing disappointment for two weeks is going to be even worse? Too many scary questions I don't want to ask myself.
You ladies seem to be a set of pro's at this, and resort to climbing under tables for a little cry only as an exception - so please, someone, tell me something heartwarming?

Hello Grumbler
Well I'm no expert as evidenced by the fact that I have been trying for a year! I think the thing to remember (hard as it is) is that it can take a while and that most couples will fall pregnant within 2 years.

I have gone through trying all kinds of vitamins, supplements, adding things to my diet, eliminating things from my diet, crystals , conception aiding lubricants, the list goes on and I've found that all of these things, apart from not having worked, have just ramped up the pressure and expectation each month. I have now decided to be kinder to myself & try and take a step back and let nature do its thing. I'm not yet preggers but at least I feel happier and more relaxed (the dreaded word that nobody else is allowed to even utter to me) about the whole thing. Figured that if this is going to be long haul at least I am going to try and not put life on hold and appreciate what I've already got!

Hi Grumbler and welcome! It is crazy how small the window of opportunity is isn't it? But now you've worked out when to get jiggy with Mr Grumbler, I'm sure you'll get a speedy BFP!

Have you had a look at the First Time Frolickers thread? They are all lovely ladies TTC #1 and definitely awesome at helping navigate the bonkersness that we all put ourselves through.

Big good luck wave to you and an especially lucky that you'll have a bean cooking away nicely in no time

xxx

Grumbler, please try not to worry too much as it can take a couple of years in some cases to conceive.

The more you relax the more likely it will be to happen!

Good luck

Morning poutintrout 'relax' is a banned word around me at the moment! I was very 'relaxed' last year, didn't think about it at all.... but we must be 12-14 months down the line now and every month I feel significantly less relaxed - and also massively more guilty that I haven't done the whole supplements, accupuncture, voodoo etc that some have so maybe I'm not trying hard enough???? (that sounds ridiculous even as I write it)
But you are right - too much stressing will turn me into a crazy lady I'm sure!

Thank you for my good luck wave gardenpixie - might be the magic I need! have read through some of the Frolickers thread - but didn't know the rules - is it rude to gatecrash someone else's thread and dump all my emotional baggage all over the place??

Hi Grumbler, no it's not rude at all! Gate crash away! I used to post a lot on the thread although am taking a bit of a break as am about to start ivf but all the ladies are v v welcoming and very happy to deal with some baggage! I found it a real life saver while driving myself nuts on several occasions ... I found I didn't have anyone in real life who would understand my madness so it was great to have somewhere to vent! One thing I'd say is do offload somewhere as it can be stressful to keep all the crazy to yourself.

Also I so hear you about worrying that you aren't doing absolutely everything you can ... I think all the pills, potions etc might help round the edges but it's getting the timing right and looking after yourself and your OH so you don't go totally nuts that's important.

Ladies I have met on MN who are also about to start ivf also reckon regular pampering, buying lovely high heels and singing a lot will also help. No hard and fast medical evidence on this yet but we're pretty convinced it'll work

Ps on the supplement question, all the drs I've seen reckon the only thing you absolutely need to take is 400mgs of folic acid but I'm sure you know that anyway x

have been doing folic acid - but having just grabbed the bottle to check, it's 200 mg so I guess I'll be taking two now! Another tick in the guilt box! Gulp!

I think I'll swiftly move my thought process on to your much more practical advice of shoes and singing! Excellent news! If only I can convince the OH that they're 'medicinal' I'll be on a winner! What a fantastic excuse - blow the lack of evidence, rumour and speculation are good enough grounds for me to give it a go wholeheartedly!

Hurrah! Here's to your new shoes, pampering and singing

And a folic acid charged for your super speedy bfp xx