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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Getting through the year of pregnant ladies, it is killing me!!

14 replies

Paintinmyhair · 26/04/2011 11:13

Am getting to the point now where EVERYONE is pregnant. So far this year (since Jan ffs!) there have been 14 births, and another 5 pregnancies. We cannot start TTC for at least another 2 years (dp's insistance). I am at the point of either leaving him and going to a sperm donor clinic, or just not taking my pill. I know I shouldn't do either but I am NOT coping!!! I hate seeing my friends now, all of them bar 1 are pregnant, or have a new baby. The one that doesn't is TTC. I just want to curl up in a ball and let the ground swallow me up, and dp just doesn't understand this at all. He thinks I am overblowing the whole thing. How can I get through this patch? I know there will be a year lull while they all TTC for the next one, but then it will start all over again, and so will the heartache.

OP posts:

pommedechocolat · 26/04/2011 11:49

Why does your dh want to wait 2 years?

suzikettles · 26/04/2011 11:57

How old are you?

Original poster

Paintinmyhair · 26/04/2011 12:44

I'm 30. He wanted to wait until we bought a house. Then he wanted to wait until we were married (both of which are fair enough), so we did. Now we are married he wants to wait until he can earn enough for me to stay at home full time (which is not what I want anyway, as I will go mad!). Then it will be until we can afford an extension on the house so that we can have a permanent spare bedroom for guests (there are mumblings of this already). Darn his sensibleness!!!!!

OP posts:

suzikettles · 26/04/2011 13:10

Weeeeel it's sensible up to a point.

How many children do you hope to have? How much of a gap between them?

30 is not old and there's no great rush, but there are also no guarantees that you will get pregnant to schedule, that you won't need intervention, that life will work out to the plan in your dh's head.

I think you need to sit down and work out what you both want and make a realistic plan which takes into account biology and the unknown as well as financial factors.

Sounds like he's putting things off to me a wee bit, and if he doesn't really want children then you need to know that too.

Cally35 · 26/04/2011 13:20

Oh dear, i did this, I tried to line all my ducks in a row. You really need to talk to your DH and tell him you're ready now. Men think that it can just happen (&I did too) and it does for most people but I waited 18months after getting married because i wanted a better job, wanted to save more money etc etc. So started trying at age 30, I'm about to turn 32 with one m/c behind me and no pregnancy...things don't necessarily happen quickly for everyone and I'm so annoyed with myself that I just didn't get on with things. I say put your foot down!

Original poster

Paintinmyhair · 26/04/2011 13:43

I made it v clear from the start that I wanted children, and so did he, but he has waned over time. I had a child before I met him, and although he is wonderful with her, I think it has put him off more and more as time goes on.

I'm afraid it is getting to the point where we need to work out if we want to be together, as this was the only thing I came to the relationship without the ability to budge on. It makes me so sad, which is ridiculous, but I am no longer the woman he fell in love with. I am some baby envious evil witch who is starting to despise him for doing this. And the argument of "I love you and respect you because I have managed, despite the all-crippling desire not to, to continue to take my pill diligently for the past 7 years, now you need to give me some come back on that" is entirely off limits!!

OP posts:

poutintrout · 26/04/2011 14:38

My DP & I spent years putting off TTC for various reasons which at the time seemed sensible (many reasons for delaying never actually happened like getting married & being in a seriously comfortable financial place). In retrospect I think it was DP stalling. Now he is finally on board after a big "conversation" where I made it clear to him that it was now or never and if it was never then it would be a serious issue for me. We have now been trying for a while and we are racing against the clock. I have a good few years on you but if I had known that I wouldn't fall pregnant as quickly as I thought there is no way I would have let my DP keep stalling the way he did. I already have accepted that it is unlikely we will have the time for any more than two children which grates a bit. I dread to think what might happen if we don't even manage one child because of our age - I think that it might well put a wedge in our relationship and I might resent him for it. I guess what I am saying is that I totally regret waiting to TTC & wish that I had forced the issue with DP sooner.

pommedechocolat · 26/04/2011 16:00

I agree he needs a big conversation. Life can't be planned like that.... (I'm the opposite though as soon as we felt even a tinge of broodiness I had dh in the bedroom and we weren't married then!). I had a nearly dying experience and since then when I want to do something I do. You just don't know what the future holds.
He's not being sensible. He's got some other thing going on and it needs to be talked about...imho.

eurochick · 26/04/2011 16:11

My hubby was a bit like this about settling down in general.

When we met, he was flatsharing and wanted to live on his own for a while. Then he wanted to buy a place to get on the property ladder. Then he wanted to live in that place for a while. Then we moved in together. And he wanted to live together for a while before getting married. At first I was in no rush to settle down either but after 30 I could hear an increasingly loud ticking of my biological clock and he was in the last chance saloon when he proposed (just as I turned 34, having already worked out in my head how we would divide up the furniture and CDs!). I am 35 and conception is not happening instantly and I am annoyed that he made me wait. I wish we had started TTC when I was 31/32 (which was when I felt ready) rather than at 35!

You need to talk to him. There will never be a perfect time.

Thornton77 · 26/04/2011 21:36

I know how you feel, I thought I was reading about myself. My husband was the same. We still don't own a home, but one day in December, he had this great idea, we should start a family, I got very excited, as I had been going on about it, only for him to say they he wanted to wait till the summer. I have managed to get him to say a date. so not long now, but like you all my friends have either just given birth or are pregnant! when ever anyone tells me they are pregnant then I burst in to tears to my DH, he thinks I have gone mad and doesn't get it.

I hope that he changes his mind soon

Newgolddream · 26/04/2011 22:16

It sounds like to me and hes not too keen on the idea of having children - therefore there will always be "something" that he wants to wait for - do you want to get to 40 and then he says something else about waiting another few years because of some other reason? Because that could easily happen and then slowly time would run out.

cheekycurls · 26/04/2011 23:32

men will never know the feeling women have when they want a baby if i was u i would just not take the pill and have a happy 'accident'! (bad i know but ur married, house ect...) as u get older the harder it is to conceive (not saying ur old!) but it's just fact u don't want to look back in a few years time regretting waiting and even resenting ur DH for waiting
just go for it and if and when u get a BFP ur DH will be over the moon with the beautiful baby u have gave him!! :)

Original poster

Paintinmyhair · 27/04/2011 09:05

We had a "chat" this morning and I told him that I would be leaving by next summer if he didn't make his mind up. He looked rather shocked! He still said no, so had better start getting my exit strategy ready. This is so sad, I hope he thinks over it today and at least agrees to think about it.

OP posts:

poutintrout · 27/04/2011 09:55

Sorry to hear that your chat didn't go as well as you'd hoped. Maybe your DH just needs some time to mull things over. I know that my DP always needs time to process things and will in the first instance be defensive and clam up. I guess you can't force someone to want a baby but it is something that can't be glossed over, these things come to a head eventually. Good luck with everything.

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