Getting down,obsessed and stressed over not concieving

[natalie204]

Hi I'm new to mums net so firstly hello.
im 25 and been with my partner (whos 26) nearly 4 years.
Weve been TTC for 18 months with no luck at all. Recently been to the doctors and hes arranged for blood tests and a 'manly' chat with my partner, his words not mine.lol.
well recently a few of my friends have gotten pregnant and 2 given birth im over the moon for them but everytime I find out a bit of me dies inside and I get upset. Not infront of my friends tho. I am honestly over tbe moon for them. Yezterday we found out my partners sister was pregnant again (3rd child) and it was like a blow to the stomache I gave her a hug n told her hiw happy I was for her and I genuinally am but all I wanted to do was curl up n cry. Every time my period comes I just get down. I feel like Im putting pressure on my partner I feel useless and I think he is getting down because I am. Im obsessed with getting pregnant and hes sympathetic and amazing but I feel its consuming me.

Your feelings are totally normal. You are upset and you need an outlet for it. Hope you find someone here to talk to here and also in real life.

If the doctor can come up with some info, that might help. There are lots of things that might help and the doc should be able to advise you.

For the time being, are you covering all the bases, having sex at the right time? It can be hard to know when the right time is, if you are not sure when you are ovulating. I was told to have sex every other day after the end of your period (or day 8 or something). Zita West has a fab book that is very helpful, you can buy it on line and also rent from the library, probably. Are you taking folic acid? Are you eating healthily and getting exercise (don't think I am being judgmental - I am overweight). Being overweight or underweight can make it harder to conceive (although not always). all the very best. Hope it all works out.

Thanks for the reply x
i am overweight but on slimming world atm. I know weight be it over or under can make getting pregnant harder and its one thing I can control and change to both help me get pregnant and improve my health.
sex is becoming an obsession with me and its becoming less fun because its all abiut getting me pregnant rather than us being together and its putting him off because theirs so much pressure and intensity about it.
Its strange to say but its like my bodys screaming out to get pregnant and its driving me bonkers lol he doesnt understand but he doesnt think im crazy lol
Im lucky to have an amazing partner.

Try not to let your partner know quite how stressed you feel about sex as it will possibly put him off! He probably doesn't know exactly when you are 'trying' unless you tell him!

If you come to bed and say 'This is it, it really counts now!" What pressure! So (just my idea0 but just try and make it normal and fun.

Fertility writer Zita West says that men's sperm is more effective when he wants to have sex, that is when his swimmers are better! So if possible try and have sex when he feels like it, if that is OK with you. Also, apparently, morning sex has stronger swimmers so go for a few morning sex sessions if that feels right.

Do you have a lot of weight to lose or just a bit? I have a lot to lose and I am trying to work out why I over eat and to eat normally and exercise more, it takes a while! We have been trying for number 2 for years but are about to have fertility treatment.

I orginally lost 3stone 7lbs but put 1st 8 on so Im still lighter than I use to be but still have some to go. I eat cos I love food. But when im stressed or bored... And I never ever use to feel full... So id eat n eat n eat.... Lol. Then the guilt would set in so id eaT more. Lol

Ive not told anyone that were trying for or how long weve been trying for because I just couldnt handle the question of.. Well are you pregnant yet? Lol. I still get asked 'so when you going to have kids then..?' Upsets me but I just say when the times right lol

Totally normal to feel a bit sad when friends/family members announce their pregnancies, even if you are happy for them really. It's not rational but it is normal! I have been where you are and the things that helped me were a) being a bit pro-active, so things like arranging blood tests, etc b) getting to know my cycle, finding out when I was ovulating so I coudl time intercourse to coincide with fertile times (the fertilityfriend website is great for this, as is the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility) and finally, opening up a bit to (close) friends and family, telling them that we'd been trying for a long time and talking it through with a few trusted individuals rather than carrying it all myself. Hopefully, your wait will be a short one but it might help to know that others have been there and do understand your sadness. I now have 4 children and my family is complete but I vividly remember how sad and alone I felt at times when it just seemed like it was never going to happen for us.

Good luck, try not to let others stress you out, easier said than done! I agree it is difficult but talking to others who do not understand can be stressful!

I'd also recommend, if I were you, just trying to get to grips with why you are putting on weight or not lossing it. I know, I am overweight, a lot, so am not saying I know the answers, I don't! But I think if you are eating because of bordom or whatever then you can find some ways of coping.

I too love food but found I was impulse eating, I'd see something and want to eat it and felt I could not stop! But if I just resisted the temptation for a few minutes I felt better and could avoid the food! I've started a couple of threads about it in the slimming threads. if you are intersted feel free to take a look at:
[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/big_slim_whatever_weight_loss_club/1191480-Anyone-struggling-with-compulsive-ways-of-eating-Anyone-getting-any-answers?msgid=25030726#25030726]
and also [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/big_slim_whatever_weight_loss_club/1160452-Can-anyone-recommend-a-good-book-on-emotional-or-comfort-eating-please]

But the weight issue is not such a big deal, I know a lot of larger people and even quite fat people who have got pregnant so it is not necessarily an issue for your fertility.

I really recommend Zita West.

[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fertility-Conception-complete-getting-pregnant/dp/0751338656/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1303773753&sr=8-1]

[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Zita-Wests-Guide-Getting-Pregnant/dp/0007173717/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1303773753&sr=8-3]

I have not read these books, but I have met Zita West and she seemed great, I think I heard her speak at the fertility show in London about 18 months ago.

Thanks for the link xx
Ill have a look on my pc as im onmyphone.
Whod of thought something tbat women have been doing since the begining of time and is supposed to happen 'naturally' could be so hard.

It can be hard but I think bellabelly shows you that it is possible to get out the other side. It is still early days. Try and take control of what you can, don;t let it stress you too much, have lots of fun, lots of sex and eat well. Read some helpful books/websites and if you need to see the doc, well so be it. My DD was born due to IUI and if the most adorable child. You will probably not need any help but if you do then so be it, yes, it does happen naturally for some but many children are born because docs help. There are tablets etc that can help and if you need it the GP can advise but before you get to that point just keep trying naturally, and keep it in perspective. I am off to bed now, all the best.

Thank you so much for your advice and support

Hi Ladies, its being 18 months TTC , but still no luck. I am really angry and sad. feel so low...can any body help what is happening with me.