Trouble conceiving DC2 :-(

[Bankings]

Hi new to here, not sure what I am looking for really. Don't suppose there's much anyone can do but I just need to vent!

Conceived DC1 a gorgeous little boy straight away, ie first time we tried without even knowing when my fertile days were. We were so lucky and have often joked how we must be very fertile so had to be careful in future etc.

Three years of being careful and we are now in a place where we desperately want another child. Have been trying for 5 months and nothing :-(

Worked out roughly when I am fertile, my periods are regular, always 29 day cycle. What could be going on? Is this normal or do you think we should seek advice from doctor?

It's utterly normal for it to take a year to get pregnant. You were just very lucky last time. Absolutely nothing to worry about at this stage.

Your chances of getting pregnant if you do everything right, have sex at exactly the right time and are healthy and normally fertile, are never more than 25%. It takes time. Give it a few months and see what's happening.

Not sure if it's relevant but I am 28 so I wouldn't think age has too much to do with it though not sure. Could our fertility really have declined so much in three and half years? I suppose it must have done either that or our son was just a one off miracle.

Thank you showofhands. That's reassurring. Wow only 25%? Amazing how lucky we were really. Strange how so many people get pregnant not wanting to with those statistics really! Makes me feel even more lucky to have our little boy. So you don't think it's anythig to worry about then? Thank you, that's positive.

I'm sat in your corner Bankings. We also got our dd1 first go round and have been trying for a few months (more than one, less than a year - don't like keeping track of how many so I don't - yeah right!). And the age gap is slowly getting bigger and bigger....
It seems to be doubly hard because you thought it was simple (and your biology teachers were right - it only takes one time!), and you were a super-fertile couple! This is our taste of reality, I guess. Keep trying. Amd trying. And don't lose hope as you are not the only couple with a gorgeous first DC trying to extend the family!

Thanks babybythesea! What a lovely post. Nice to know I am not alone, though obviously not nice that you're in the same boat!

Ds is 4 in September and we really wanted an under 4yr gap which is definitely out of the question now. Not that a few months matters but I feel the same as you. We are just watching the age gap grow and grow.

You're right, it seems a really hard pill to swallow since it happened so easily last time. I always knew we were lucky last time but never thought we'd really stuggle when we wanted dc2. Guess we just took it for granted that we'd have another child exactly when we wanted which was naive.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Just that we haven't told anyone we are trying to conceive number 2 so I haven't been able to talk about it!!!

Wish I hadn't mentioned it to anyone!!
My dh is from New Zealand, and his mother announced around the beginning of Autumn last year that she wanted to come over to see us this year. No, don't plan it yet, says I. I didn't want her booking something for say, August, only for us to have a September baby and her to miss it. And I know she'd love to come when there's a new baby on the scene but can't afford to come over more than every three years or so. So i told her why not. At the time it didn't seem a silly thing to annouce. I mean hey, it only takes one time, loads of people get pregnant accidentally, right, and we've already demonstrated our superb abilities in this field. Put this together with my now detailed knowledge of my cycle and it's a foolproof plan. So telling my MIL and asking her to put plans for a visit on hold just until we receive confirmation of our exceptional fertility is not idiotic. So now what do I tell her?? Keep the money in the bank and the tickets on hold - we're at it like rabbits but no, there's no sodding cross in the right window, only the straight line which is not a Good Thing. I'm one of the rare bods who actually really likes their MIL and would enjoy having her over but I'm starting to dread the 'little notes just asking for updates'. Have now been quite blunt and said that I'm finding it a bit hard and I will tell her as soon as there's something to tell, and I know she's disappointed because she wanted to come over this year but I really thought I was doing the right thing telling her not to etc etc. She's been lovely about it but it doesn't help that I now feel slightly guilty as well as upset each time I waste a test to find out that, no, not this time!
I even bought a book that I saw called 'There's going to be a baby' to help prepare dd for the invasion into her life that was about to happen. I'm now looking for the companion volume 'No there's not and your mother is an idiot for thinking it would be easy'.

Still, I am trying to see it as all good. This way, dd will be 3 when the new baby arrives and due for free nursery hours. Which means I can spend lots of time with dc2 and give it the same sort of attention dd got, without feeling guilty about spending money that we don't have, and also know that dd is stimulated at nursery not stuck watching me feed a new baby and feeling jealous all the time. It is a good thing, honest.

No more trying tonight - dd had a really disturbed night last night so I'm off to bed. I ended up sleeping on her bedroom floor as it was the only way we could get her to settle - I must admit to thinking 'Why do I want another one?' sometime around 3.00 this morning after getting up for the sixth time (that was just before I decided just to camp out in her room). Maybe my eggs are picking up on these negative vibes? Hmm, off to send positive thoughts about sleepless babies to my ovaries......and then to sleep. Blissful sleep.

Just wanted to say, I feel for you both... we're in the same boat and I really understand that feeling as you watch the age gap grow. Each month I think, hey, three years and x months age gap, that's okay. Hey, three years and x months + a month. Still okay-ish. And on it goes.

I got pregnant with DD first go. Didn't realise how lucky I was. Then got pregnant a second time exactly when we wanted, first time again, last Jan but MC at 10 weeks. Suddenly all the plans changed and now it feels like it's never going to happen. Miserable.

All I can say is, good luck ladies. It will happen I hope, it's just not going to be the easy joy it was before. But maybe I'll appreciate it that much more this time round, now we've had to try harder for it.

x

come join us , have a glass of vino. I know how you feel and feel the same way. Been trying for 2.5 years, 2 mC and nothing . Got a gorgeous dd 4, concieved like you straight away after a month. Think it was a fluke. Everywhere left right and centre people are getting pg with dc 2,3,4 everyone except me!!!!!!

Hi again everyone

Oh dear babybythesea, I can see exactly why you told mil and it's just a shame that it wasn't so easy this time. It's nice that you get on with her though and hopefully you'll have something positive to report soon! Isn't it strange how many of us conceived first time with dc1 yet struggle next time? I think I thought if you're fertile one time then surely you will be the next time but now I see it's far more common than I thought and clearly I was living in a dream world!

It's just so frustrating when 2 of my friends have 'accidentally' fallen pregnant this year and we're really struggling but I know compared to some of you we have nothing to complain about after only 5 months of trying. Pigletmama 2.5 years of trying must be soul destroying for you. So sorry to hear about the MCs people have had to deal with. It must be devastating .

In a way this has been really theraputic actually being able to talk about it and realising I am not the only one! I think it's just one of those things which you never really think will happen to you, especially when we all found it so easy first time. I wish we had started trying when ds was 2 now, if I'd have known what I know now! I know it sounds daft but I have a major thing about age gap being much bigger because there was 5 years between me and my sister and although we get on fine now, we really didn't have a childhood together because she was always so much older and more mature than me, never at same schools etc so I struggle with that a lot.

Our age gap will now already be over 4 years and I can't help but feel like we've missed the window of oportunity for them to ever be 'peers'. If it ever happens at all . I know I am being sill and it's not like they will not get on because of a certain month they were born in etc, chances are siblings wouldn't be 'friends' even with a tiny age gap so I don't know why it upsets me so much but I feel really guilty for not being able to give ds a sibling for him to share his childhood with. I know it sounds stupid.

Anyway, I am off to think positively and hopefully we'll all have something happy to report soon!