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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Trying not to try

9 replies

munki · 26/03/2011 14:22

So I've been told not to try to get pregnant in order to get pregnant - in some sort of double-bluff. But how do you do this? Stop having sex? Go back on the pill? Somehow I think that possibly may not work so what should I do? I know when I'm fertile, I can't 'unknow' it!

OP posts:
gardenpixie · 26/03/2011 14:37

Hi Munki DH and I have been TTC for 3yrs (we both have factors counting against us so don't worry, we're not the norm - I'm sure you'll fall pg much sooner than that!) and the number of times people have said "relax and it will happen" or "it will happen when you're not trying" makes me understand what drives people to commit GBH!

I think you are right, you can't unknow something and not trying is a ridiculous idea when you know when you're fertile! As you say, the implication of what they're telling you is not to have sex when you're ovulating ... I'm not an expert but I'm pretty sure that course of action is highly unlikely to get you pg (unless you were planning to go for an immaculate conception).

Chances are you will fall pg very soon but only if you keep having sex!

I'm sure these people are just trying to be helpful ... but I'm not sure how much you should listen to them TBH.

So I'm just going to say good luck and get to it! Grin Wink

Dutchie77 · 26/03/2011 14:46

Munki I know exactly what you mean.......... Same problem here. I TRY not to think about it too much, but at the same time is impossible not to think about it ad it stays in my mind al day. Last attempt I got sooo stressed that it was no fun... and it was only the second attempt.

The thing that helped me is the fact that you can't control your body. It happens or it doesn't. It WILL happen for you one day, but patience is the key word. Hard if you can't deal with patience (like me). Stress will only make it worse.

My advice: SWI during your fertile days. When those days passed..... let go and go back to normal. Find something to keep you busy and plan some things to do without that voice in the back of your mind saying: I might be pregnant at that time. Distraction helped me a lot.

Good luck Munki.

Original poster
munki · 26/03/2011 15:42

Thanks for your replies, pixie and dutchie, it's good to hear I'm not the only one who can't stop 'trying'! I just keep reading about people who stopped trying and then just got pregnant. As you say they must still have been trying a bit or it would've been an immaculate conception!! On the 2ww and going out tonight and am going to drink without guilt for first time since starting ttc - thanks for your advice!

OP posts:
Dutchie77 · 26/03/2011 15:58

Have a great night Munki! Enjoy!

gardenpixie · 26/03/2011 16:43

Wine cheers to you, Munki! Have fun Smile

piprabbit · 26/03/2011 16:47

I don't think that people really mean for you to stop trying, but maybe to start having sex because it is a fun, loving act between yourself and your partner i.e. have sex because you like it and love your partner, instead of just seeing sex as a means to an end (getting pregnant).

I think you are right to have a guilt free drink, have a laugh, chill out. It sounds as though you need a break from the stress for a wee while.

Have fun.

digitalgirl · 26/03/2011 23:49

The 'it'll happen when you stop trying' chestnut is just what people say when by some chance they conceived first time/on holiday/drunk/accidentally/relaxed so much they actually started having more sex. I have conceived 4 times in the last 18 months and 3 of those times were a result of lots and lots of well-timed baby-making sex. We enjoyed ourselves, but dh was also under strict instructions to keep going till my temperature shifted to the post-ovulatary range.

Do what makes you happy, whether that's invoking Sod's Law by booking an expensive holiday unsuitable for pregnancy, or just jumping on your dh at the first sign of ewcm. You're right, you can't 'unknow' your fertile signs, but you can make an effort to try and enjoy sex around that time so it's less of a chore.

I now have to ignore my fertile signs to skip this cycle but will be back on it next cycle charting, cm-spotting and letting dh know when the marathon commences! It's not everyone's method, but it works for us.

lovenamechange100 · 28/03/2011 09:47

My friend has said just this to me yesterday. I feel very sad today and want to give up as I am fed up, but reading posts like digitalgirls makes me realise how defeatest I am being.

OP I agree it is hard to 'unknow' stuff, I for one will be testing for ovulation and marking calendar.

I feel like it is taking over.

greeneyesbigbottom · 28/03/2011 10:20

Hi, I've been trying forever a while now, but over the past few months, we have just got on with our lives and forgot about the pressure of timing and dates and I have tried not to even look on this board if I am totally honest!

I have a prescription in my purse for Clomid.

I am due on 1st April.

I am also planning my wedding for next year Grin

However no big holiday booked as yet Wink

Surely, this is the month???????

It's very difficult to get weighed down when each month AF appears and you have done everything right, but don't give up, there is always hope xx

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