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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Pregnant at 50 - Ridiculous idea?

11 replies

Clare62 · 02/03/2011 13:55

I didn't really know what heading to post this under, and this is my first post. I don't know if I will be shot down in flames for even asking this question and told I am stupid or selfish... or mad! Please be gentle with me.
I will be 49 in July. I never thought I wanted children. I met the love of my life late in life, but I've got him and he's lovely and we've been together for years, nice, stable relationship.The clock is ticking, in fact, I get the feeling the alarm clock rang and I turned it off and went back to sleep again.
I don't know if this is a mid-life crisis, a new lease of life or what. But I've been ill for several years, it would have been impossible to have become pregnant for various reasons. And now I have just been given a clean bill of health and I'm over the moon and full of a 'This is the beginning of the rest of my life!' feeling. Even if it were possible for me to conceive, do I want to have a child that when it gets to 16 will tell me I am an old granny, and that I was selfish to have him / her and to hate me? When I was 16, what on Earth would I have felt about having a 65 year old Mum? I'm ashamed to say I'd probably have been appalled.
Has anyone else felt this, been in my position? What did you do about it? Did you go for it or let it pass? Do you have any regrets about the decision you made?
My clean bill of health has made me think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Help!?

OP posts:

MickyLee · 02/03/2011 15:09

Congratulations on your clean bill of health :)

And a quick bump for you x

joycep · 02/03/2011 15:10

Hi Clare - I'm not in the same position as you but I didn't want it to go unanswered. This is such a tricky one as You don't just have to think about it from the child's perspective but also your health as well. Many people have many views on these sorts of things and whether it is fair for a child etc etc. However, we are in a different age now. 70,000 kids are born every year to women over 40 in the uK.
I do know someone who lost their 20 year old daughter in a car accident a number of years back. It was this tragic situation that propelled her to seek IVF to have another child at the age of 51. She had to go abroad to have it done - it might have been a cost issue I@m not sure. Sadly it didn't work and She didn't regret trying but in the end it just wasn't meant to be. But I would say this - it actually was no one's business to judge her decision to seek IVF at 51. Until you're in a position like hers or yours where it sounds like you've been through the mill - then really it is up to you and your other half to come to a decision. I do wish you all the best with whatever you decide. Sometimes nature just makes the decision for us. If you do conceive, there is a good sign...Good luck!

lilly13 · 02/03/2011 15:21

congratulations on recovering from an illness! i think it is a wonderful and beautiful idea, and i wish you luck, and hope that the pregnancy happens soon for you. my DH has older parents (his dad was 57 when DH was born) and he has had a wonderful childhood and absolutely adores his parents and has been taking good care of them. your child will always love you, and btw, a lot of 65 year olds look much better than 55 year olds anyway . hope it all goes well for you!

Original poster

Clare62 · 02/03/2011 15:22

Thanks both of you. I was beginning to imagine tumbleweed floating around, so nice that you replied.Thanks for the congrats MickyLee. And Joycep, you're right, it's nobody else's business really, but I just fear being the gran rather than the mum to any future child, if we decided to try and it happened for us. I'm thinking that perhaps now at 48 going on 49, there may be a couple of my own eggs left, and I know that there are all sorts of tests that can be done to make sure all is well with any baby. It's just always felt like something 'other people do', his having a baby thing. I don't feel I was mature enough up until now, and it was my long illness that made me really grow up... finally!
Once again, thanks ever so much for replying. Doesn't feel so much like a guilty secret now, this 'Shall I shan't I' thing x

OP posts:

joycep · 02/03/2011 15:30

Oh I forgot to say Clare, have you had an ovarian reserve test? My colleague's wife had one done as they met when she was 44 and just assumed she couldn't have kids. It all came back normal and low and behold she got pregnant naturally. But this would give you a good indicator about whether it is possible and whether your hormone levels are in check...

MollyDefoe · 02/03/2011 15:34

Have you read Luisa Dillner's column in The Guardian? She was 48 when she conceived, and had a very happy and healthy pregnancy. Good luck to you!

see www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/30/luisa-dillner-pregnant-at-48?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487

panashe · 02/03/2011 15:48

Clare my mum is 67 and my ds is 19, they have often been mistaken for mother and son, not grandmother and grandson. Some people are 'younger' than their age, if you know what I mean, depending on their outlook on life. I am 41 and tcc, you could live until you are 90, I could live until I am 60. We don't know, so I say if you healthy and happy then you have nothing to lose. goodluck xxx

p.s.over forties thread is full of lovely people :)

Original poster

Clare62 · 02/03/2011 16:04

Sorry Lilly, thanks to you too, didn't mean to leave you out. . And thanks Molly and Panashe. Joycep, I'm so new to this, I'd never heard of that test. I think I've a lot of Googling to do (although I shouldn't spend too long at it, I know!). I'm so glad I posted as your comments and thoughts have been really helpful. I'll try the over 40s thread as well, but there are a lot of lovely people here too. Thanks so much.
I'm quite young in my outlook, relatively fit, non smoker, very very occasional drinker, so I have a few things in my favour.
I need to have a big chat with my partner, although I think he's very flexible, a bit like me, lacks confidence and thinks it's what 'other people do'... Then I guess the doctor is the next step. Let's see what happens to that IUD. In or out? I'll let you know. x

OP posts:

MickyLee · 02/03/2011 16:59

Good luck with what ever you decide. The world is a different place these days and People live longer and look younger too. If you want a child and can, then do!

sophiesmiles · 03/03/2011 10:28

Claire how can I contact you off post?

HopeCalvary · 03/03/2011 23:17

My auntie is my age, my grandad died four years ago, she lived with him not her mum. She loved him and wouldnt have changed him. A friend of ours is 60 and has a 3 year old. I think you should ask God for a little miracle. At the end of the day any of us could b gone tomorrow!

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