Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

37 years old and thinking about having a baby

10 replies

feebochops · 27/02/2011 15:52

Hello, I wonder if anyone could help at all.

I'm 37 and I've never been in the position where I was both financially able to have a child AND had a decent man.

For the first time, possibly I am now. I feel fairly ambivalent about having children but am aware it's something I probably need to start thinking about properly.

My partner and I don't have much money and our relationship is very new. I don't want to put pressure on us and I don't want to get pregnant simply because I feel it's what I ought to be doing.

I was thinking of having fsh/amh/lh/afc tests done as a start to at least get some sort of idea as to how long I might have to decide. (I'm aware these are more an indication tho) Is there ANY way a GP would do these as I can't really afford the 300 to do this.

Also, I'd really appreciate personal advice or any books you'd recommend I read to decide. I'm starting to spend more time with friends who have children as before I never spent any time with children at all.

Sorry to go on and on on a first post. Just if my email sounds like something you can relate to I'd really appreciate a bit of guidance :)

Thankyou ..x

OP posts:
goingmadtrying · 27/02/2011 15:58

I don't think you can ever really financially afford to have a baby but you would need to look at how much your money would reduce if you took the time off at the beginning sorry it doesn't say if you work so look at the maternity policy if you do, if your partner wants a baby too and your serious about each other then the time may be right, if your worrying about age then there is a lady who posted about when to test who is 45 and just concieved her first in the first month of trying!! She wanted to find the right man, all the very best whatever you decide :)

ImeldaSnowboots · 27/02/2011 15:59

I think going to your GP about it would be a good idea, not that I think you're 'too old' or anything but they would, I think, see it as wise to do some tests 'at your age'.

Reason I say this is I'm 38 and we would like to have another baby so I went to GP recently for tests to check how fertile I still am, GP was fine about it, haven't got results yet.

Also a friend mentioned babycentre's ovulation calendar and said they found this really useful.

Scrummybumb · 27/02/2011 16:23

Hi feebochops,
I'm 38 and only decided last year(after much deliberations) that a family was what I wanted after all. It took another 6 months and many long discussions with DH to reach the final conclusion and we are on cycle 5 of trying. but we had to take a hard look at our lives and make sure that our future plans (with all the changes that would come with a small child) could support a family.

It's not an easy decision to make and I'm glad to see you are giving it proper consideration.

As long as you feel that your relationship is strong, I guess it shoudnt stop you if that is what you really want. But it will change it, so you both need to be prepared for it. I have plenty friends with no kids, and they have just as happy lives as those with them. the only book I've read was Taking charge of your fertility, which I hope I'd have read long before! And I'm also charting on fertilityfriend.com, so I know I'm ovulating.

SarahBumBarer · 28/02/2011 14:33

Hi Febochops

I'm 36 and DS1 is 7 months old. I met my DH 3 years ago so like you it took a while for me to get all my ducks in a row. Well pretty much all my ducks. TBH the financial duck is not quite in a row and probably never will be! As many people say if you waited for the perfect time you would wait forever. I'm on my last day of maternity leave and have just checked the bank account as my February maternity pay went in today and y'know what - we've survived pretty much intact - much better than I thought anyway.

It took us 6 months to concieve so not too long in the scheme of things. I also had been using TCOYF for pregnancy avoidance for a few months before that. I don't know that there are any books to help you "decide". But I would say that if you need to draw up a list of pros and cons then it is possibly not for you. If it is just a case of knowing if the time is right, if you can overcome certain financial constraints etc then that is different.

Be careful with using other people's children to help you decide. It's not the same as being with your own (obviously). You just don't get the sense of it all being "worth it" when you are on the outside looking in. I was never really a kiddie person and I'm still not (although I do now have a slightly better idea of how to interact with babies) but I'm definitely a DS1 person Smile

PacificDogwood · 28/02/2011 14:43

Hi, Feebochops, I had my DS1 aged 37 - and DS4 aged 44 (he will be 1 in a couple of week Smile).

If I was you, I'd stop thinking and start SWI (shagging with intent Grin).

By all means, go see your Gp and get a general MOT. That can, and should, include FSH, LH, thyroid function, blood count etc etc. AMH is usually a fertility clinic only blood test AFAIK. Well, it is here (Scotland - I am a Gp).

Here is good evidence based pre-conception advice - in a nutshell, live healthily and take Folic Acid.

FWIW, for reasons not related to my age, I had a 1 in 4 risk of certain trisomies (not Down's, I think my Down's risk by blood screening was 1 in 18 or similar) and it took my very lovely consultant to point out that 1:4 risk of something happening also ment a 3:4 chance of it not happening Wink. We are very very lucky to have 4 healthy children.

What I am trying to say is, it takes a leap of faith, and much as being well prepared and informed is a Good Thing, don't overthink it too much and put all your faith into medical tests. Just go for it - v best of luck.

Original poster
feebochops · 02/03/2011 20:21

oh wow, thanks so much for your replies all of you. I've been hectic at work and only just logged on to see this again -It's good to know that there's lots of us in the same boat and to hear some inspiring stories. I'll be having a think about this later..

Chat soon,

Fi x

OP posts:
Karbea · 03/03/2011 21:20

Helloo,

i'm 37 and on my 4th month of TTC for our first baby!

xx

Indaba · 03/03/2011 21:26

Had mine at 36, 38 and 40....fab!

Everyone always assumes you are younger than you really are cos you have young kids Smile

But step inside, its fine..

..though friend of mine freaked when she caught sight of her hospital notes and it said "elderly first time mother"...... she was 38!

I advocate having them when you ready.

Good luck.

Karbea · 03/03/2011 22:16

indaba you lucky lucky thing, I've always wanted 3 children!

Original poster
feebochops · 04/03/2011 13:35

oh Indaba, I love your advice. It's really what I need to hear. Having spent a lot of my 30s feeling like i was being told I'd missed the boat for meeting someone (despite trying to!!) I want to feel more relaxed about this stage as feeling pressured squeezes the fun out of things. And yes, 3 children, congratulations! (think I'd be more than happy with one) :-) x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page