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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

what would you do?

8 replies

Brewster · 15/02/2011 20:25

So..... we are privately having fertility treatment.
I am on my fourth cycle and all the drugs are doing my head in.
I already have a 2.5 year old and so trying to look after him with the side effects I am experiencing is some days close to impossible.
I feel I am missing out on his wonderfulness cos if I dont feel like s**t I am hormonal and pissed off with him!!
I feel guilty so much of the time and like time is passing us by while we wish away the months hoping for another pregnancy but then that is unfair on him and we are missing out of his toddlerhood!!

I have explained some of this to my consultant and we are having a meeting with him next week and he has said we will discuss jumping ahead (prematurely) to IVF.

Am I jumping the gun?
I just want to get passed all this and get pregnant but is it wrong to jump ahead to the final step before giving the others a better try? ie more gonal f, a few rounds of IUI etc.
Or is it ok to just get it all done as quickly and hopefully with as little stress as poss.....

am I cheating?

OP posts:

hairylights · 15/02/2011 20:30

I'd go for it and count my blessings.

Original poster

Brewster · 15/02/2011 20:38

count my blessings?

OP posts:

hairylights · 15/02/2011 20:47

Meant in a nice way. You can afford the treatment and you have a dc already. You have a lot to be happy about.

emsiedoodle · 15/02/2011 21:15

I too have a son who's 2.5 and we are TTC no 2. We have only been trying for about 5 months but I sometimes feel that ttc is taking forever and it becomes all consuming then....

When I watch my son playing so happily and so eager for me for be involved in what he's doing and today when he said for the first time and completely out of the blue "mummy, you make me laugh, I love you" it hits home just how lucky I am to have him and if a 2nd comes it will happen in good time but I'm not going to miss out on my wonderful, funny, caring and loving child, because all of the above is why I wanted to be a mum in the first place.

If I were in your shoes I think I would do what felt right and what was best for you and your family. IVF isn't a dead cert so I would try to see just how wonderful it is to have a beautiful son who thinks the world of his mummy and who's mummy is the whole world to him and put your efforts into spending quality time with him before No2 makes an appearance and he has to share his world with someone else.

Original poster

Brewster · 15/02/2011 21:27

emsiedoodle I see what you are saying and I agree with you but it is hard to do much of anything on some days when the drugs are making me feel so awful and tired and depressed.

If we put it off we will keep putting it off - when is the time ever right to feel awful with another child to look after. we dont want a huge age gap between them.
I will not get pregnant without treatment and the longer we wait the older I will get and the harder it will be.

I guess I just want for someone to say it is ok and I am not a failure in wanting to jump ahead and get it over with as soon as possible cos it is not doing me nor my family any good going through this treatment month after month.

OP posts:

hairylights · 15/02/2011 21:31

Why do you need outside approval? Go with what you feel is right. But be warned that ivf is not a dead cert.

helenlouisey · 16/02/2011 10:06

Hi Brewster

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, I think to a lot of people is it really hard to understand just how hard secondary infertility is, believe me I know !! I have suffered from my primary and secondary infertility, for two completely different reasons, and they are both very very hard to deal with and too easier consumes your life.

The only advise I would have is to try and appreciate your beautiful son, and sometimes I try to do this by reminding myself how my life would be if I'd never been able to have my son, and this really hits home how truly blessed I am.

With regards to fast tracking to ivf, have you had a proper diagnosis as to why you haven't been able to conceive ? I rushed into ivf with getting a proper diagnosis and never gettig to the bottom of why weren't able to conceive, and our ivf didn't work, because my problem couldt be fixed by ivf, I've needed an operation to hopefully enable me to conceive, if I was you I'd be pushing for a proper diagnosis before proceeding with ivf, as it is emotionally and physically draining as well as being ery expensive,

Wishing you the best of luck, whatever you decide and hope you get your much longed for BFP soon

Original poster

Brewster · 16/02/2011 22:48

Thank you so much helen.

Yeah not many people understand do they.

Yes we know what my problems are and have a very good consultant behind us and we go to a very good clinic so we are covered from most sides.

I shouted at my little boy earlier and then felt soo guilty for it esp when he then said to my hubby 'mummy is angry with me'...poor poppet hadnt really done anything wrong.

Hubby and I have discussed now how to lessen the pressuure on me a bit so hopefully the next few days wont be so hard.

It is just all the waiting and needles and not knowing and never know ing if this cycle will work and the feling sick and dizzy and exhausted and hormonal...the list goes on and on doesnt it.

I think I have to be kinder to myself too to realize this isnt my fault, I cant do much about it and that when I feel crap I have to take a time out and not keep on trying to take on the world by myself!

Take care and baby dust to you
x

OP posts:

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