It hurts.
I know I need to 'let go' and 'go with the flow' and have heard upteen stories of folks who went to sign adoption papers and found that they were pregnant or who gave up only to then discover they are pregnant...
I run / I go out and do new things / I take care of myself / I am off white stuff - ie white bread, rice, sugar and all related combinations.. though this last part is probably all the more stressful.
My path is certainly not straighforward... I have PCO and my body just refuses to ovulate. How terribly tragic is that.
I feel like I should take a stand..but I don't know -- 14 months ago my SIL said adopt and I am wondering if I should have done this then...instead of spending all this time...through surgery and clomid and depression etc...
I just wanted to share my frustration and hope that by penning it I will be able to make peace with it again...and be positive again about being a parent...
I even feel selfish of aspiring to be a parent - - how I once took it for granted I do not know.
Having struggled with having a baby naturally -- and perhaps if this isn't going to happen at all - - I wonder if I will be fit to be a mom to an adopted child... as crazy and terrible as that sounds... It's just that I feel such a failure, I am not sure I am confident of doing anything in this department any more.