TTC after miscarriage

[Vietnamgirl]

Hi, I miscarried in June last year at 12 weeks. My husband and I were gutted but I had been anxious the whole time - my pregnancy never felt right. Since then we have been trying to cope with things and we were doing ok until just before Christmas. Our baby would have been due on 27th Dec and I could not get it out of my head. To add to it my nephew's girlfriend's baby was due around the same time. My huband and I have been trying for another baby but the whole thing seems to have taken over my life - sex is about baby making and baby making only and it has put alot of pressure on our relationship. My husband has felt under pressure to 'perform' at set times and not always successfully. We have been arguing alot about all sorts of things some related some unrelated to our quest for a baby. Things came to a head recently because now I feel that I should be at home with my baby not at work. I have a very stressful job where I have to take work home and I feel I can't cope anymore with dealing with that and all the pressure of feeling I should have my baby, trying for another baby and arguing with my husband. On top of that I am rapidly hurtling towards 40 in April and keep thinking I'm never gonna be a mum. I just wondered if anyone else felt all their feelings about the miscarriage coming back after the due date and how people are managing to live a normal working life whilst dealing with everything.

come join us on the ttc after miscarriage thread, most of the ladies on the there, including me are in the same position. I had a mmc in sept at 13 weeks, also my first baby, im 33, got married in may so very much a wanted and waited, planned for baby. My sil is also preggers, due the same month as i would of been. me, 21st march, her 4th march!! I understand the obsession and theres plenty of people in the same position, come join us, your welcome. X

Ok thank you

Hi Vietnamgirl

Your feelings are totally understandable and I am sorry about your miscarriage. I think it is so difficult after your due date has passed, as you can't shake off the feeling that you should have your baby with you and it feels so unfair that you don't and you are also not even pregnant. The pressure of TTC and get pregnant to 'fix' things can be immense, even with an understanding DH, they often don't get how strongly we feel about getting pregnant again.

I miscarried last year and would have been due in October and it is tough to be ttc. I am also having a low day today where the unfairness of it seems to have hit me. You can't help but think about what you would have been doing, must be especially tough if you are in ajob that is difficult.

I don't have any advice really as I know nothing I say can help, but i wanted you to know you are not alone and the feelings are really normal. All I would say is try and use this time while you are ttc as best you can, go out more with your DH, keep the romance alive in between SWI, and enjoy yourself as much as you can to take your mind off things. Sometimes it is good to force yourself to go out and do things when you are feeling a bit low to lift you iyswim. (trying to take my own advice today!)

Also, be kind to yourself, your feelings are natural and I hope that soon things will be looking up for you

Thankyou so much QuestionsAgain it is comforting to know that i'm not alone although obviously that doesn't mean I'm glad others are suffering. It is just so hard to think about anything else but I know I have to. Got my period today so that's another month gone. Your advice about trying to enjoy life and have fun with DH is good and I know I've got to be positive and look onwards and upwards. My doctor says the body knows if you're stressed and prevents you from conceiving so I guess it makes sense to relax about TTC but it's sooo hard. Thanks for taking the time to reply x

Your welcome vietnamgirl I am on another thread and a wise woman on there said look at the start of your period as possibly being the first day of your pregnancy! It doesn't help with the run up to starting AF and testing and getting a BFN, but it does help me start the month afresh iyswim.

When I read your post yesterday it just echoed with my own feelings, I am waiting for AF and don't think this is my month, had 2 friends tell me the day before they are pregnant and 2 friends babies actually born yesterday, added to that a friend telling me of her friend who had had a MC (she doesn't know I have had a MC) so had to sit and listen to that too. Not a good day.

Relaxing about ttc is easier said than done, I am going with distraction tactics wherever possible, and drinking plenty of alcohol during AF