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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Doing my own head in!

25 replies

NinjaChipmunk · 24/01/2011 21:30

That's basically it in a nutshell. 9 months of ttc dc2 and every month there's a fortnight of am I? aren't I? can I feel symptoms? can't I?
It is driving me batty. Dp just doesn't get it unless I get to the point of getting a bit emotional about it (generally just before or just after af arrives). But for me it's constantly there like a little voice in my head. I think about it 75% of my waking life I'm sure. I need to learn how to not do my head in. How do I manage that????

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kat2504 · 24/01/2011 21:35

I wish I knew the answer to that! I'm in the same situation as you and it is so so difficult and you are right, they just don't get it until you get upset about it. They don't spend two weeks wondering and the week before that wondering if they need to be doing it or not. that's 3 weeks out of 4 thinking about conception. They don't get it at all.
I guess having other things to aim for in life is the way forward but I cant think of anything more important!

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 24/01/2011 21:41

I don't know about you but even when I have other things (we're about to redecorate our bedroom completely) that little voice still bloody well pushes its way to the front on an all too regular basis!
I just need an outlet sometimes I think. MN is good for that as ranting seems to be an accepted part of life here.
I have till Thurs/ Fri before af arrives or I can test. Maybe I should set myself a small project a night to take my mind off it.

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angster · 24/01/2011 23:41

Totally with you on this. I was thinking about this today as well - I reckon I think about it 85% of the time. DH and I are 8 months TTC #1 and already it has driven me to the point of distraction.. This wondering and waiting is so emotionally exhausting. Never did I imagine I would get like this. My DH is getting pissed off as he thinks his swimmers should have fired down an egg by now but apart from that men don't think about it as much as us. I guess it's not their bodies, so why would they. Anyway projects sound good. We have our first holiday planned in 2.5 yrs so I am praying that will be something else to focus on.....probably not!!!

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 25/01/2011 09:00

Ooh lovely where are you going? I need a holiday at this time of year! Preferably somewhere warm.
Have you been to the docs yet about it? I shall be going if it doesn't happen this month. In a way having that as a back up plan is something to focus on too.

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Teds77 · 25/01/2011 10:40

Been 7 months ttc#1 for me - not as long as others I know but long enough for this to 'consume' me most of the time!

We are going on holiday in three weeks and planning that had helped. Also, had a really good week at work last week which helped. I like my job but don't love it and had kinda assumed (naively) that I'd be enjoying maternity leave by about May this year so sometimes having no end in sight can be a bit depressing. But, I've thrown myself into a couple of projects and that has definitely helped.

We have a plan to go to the docs after the holiday and agree that is a bit of a focus too.

angster · 25/01/2011 10:57

I'm off to the USA and doing a road trip for a few weeks so can't wait. Unfortunately it probably won't be warm though which is bad planning! Well it's 8 months since an early m/c but 10 months trying in total. I don't know when to go off to my doc, I was thinking beginning of March. I'm terribly unassertive and I know she will fob me off until we have tried for a year.
I use to be like clockwork but since that early m/c, AF comes really early but I ovulate late so I believe i have a short LP. However, I can predict the conversation with my doc, she will tell me that there is no such thing as a short LP and you got pregnant once before and it can take time...so give it a year. But I can just hear the clock ticking the longer I leave it!
What are you going to say to your doc??

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 25/01/2011 12:08

I'm going to say its been a year and ds was concieved first month of trying. I've been told on here they'll prob book me in to check bloods first. Am 36 now so not terribly young and would like 2 more if possible so best check now!

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Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 25/01/2011 12:10

USA road trip sounds like loads of fun. not jealous at all

Just tell your doc its been a year and you want to start getting things checked. I'm sure they can't say no, or maybe ask to see a different doc?

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Teds77 · 25/01/2011 12:10

Road trip sounds good - that would keep my mind off ttc for a little bit at least!

I figure that the doctor could just turn us away and tell us to try for longer but if we don't ask, we'll never know. DH has medical history that means he may well have low sperm count so am hoping that might mean the doctor is a little more receptive.

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 25/01/2011 12:12

where are you going teds?

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Teds77 · 25/01/2011 12:19

I am off skiing - definitely not warm but am sporty pasty English rose so will suit me!

Sadly my doctor took out my coil in July so might struggle with the lying about how long we have been ttc!

angster · 25/01/2011 12:22

Yes, you ladies are right, there is no point waiting with these things. Sounds like a plan, I may do the same and just go and see the doc!! Let's hope this doesn't do our head in for much longer...

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 26/01/2011 10:43

the head doing is notching up a gear today as af due tomorrow. have a very boring day at work doing banking reconcilliations today, mental torture!!!!!!!

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angster · 26/01/2011 11:39

i'm really crossing fingers af doesn't show...i feel mine is on the way as well, i'm in a bad mood and teary!

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 26/01/2011 11:47

I seem to be mood free this month, although it can strike at any time. I give up with the symptom spotting though, any twinge could be related to anything but knowing my luck it won't be pg related!
I really hope it stays away for us, time to get that positive mental attitude going i think!

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Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 28/01/2011 08:57

well thats a big fat no from me. AF hasn't yet arrived but got a bfn on a test this morning. I'm so sad. I'm just about managing not to cry in front of ds and dp is at work so can't really talk to him.

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kateepie2 · 28/01/2011 10:43

ninja don't despair just yet, if AF hasn't arrived? test again in a day or two, fx.

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 28/01/2011 10:50

theres burblings going on down below, i think its only a matter of time sadly.

i am trying to be positive. I've been reading about foods that are good for fertility, and need to make a concerted effort to take folic acid and the like. And once af has arrived I shall make a docs appt on monday i think. i have allowed myself a couple of hours of self pity but really i can't let it get me down for too long. it is what it is iykwim?

and i might just go shopping today with ds and buy us both something nice. it was payday yesterday, and our usual playdates don't seem to be around today.

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angster · 28/01/2011 11:26

hey ninja, is AF late now?
I tried to be positive this month too but to no avail, I had to go and hide in the loos yesterday as i couldn't stop crying - I can't tell you how unlike me this is, only ttc is doing this to me. I've been getting burblings for 2 days now so know AF coming. I'm on 11DPO today so i expect it today - it's rare i get longer than this.
I've booked in to acupuncture on Tues - never had it but i'm hoping if anything this will calm me down and make me more positive. But i understand it's hard to be positive when every month blasted AF rocks up.

ShowOfHands · 28/01/2011 11:34

I remember the feeling you're describing well. It took the best part of a couple of years to get pg with dd (and a miscarriage). It's difficult because you spend years avoiding conception and being told that if you so much as look at a young man you'll be up duffed and then it turns out that it's not that simple. It's normal for it to take 1-2yrs to conceive. It's to be expected. Your chances of conception are never more than 25% even if you're at the peak of fitness/fertility.

I drove myself mad. After well over a year and a miscarriage it was all consuming. I actively switched off from it by doing something else. I decided to fling myself into something that required effort and time and headspace. I took up photography. I bought a cheap slr, booked a course and got addicted. I started developing my own photos in the local arts centre dark room, I immersed myself in something else. I needed to have something else in my life and it needed to be something I had to work to understand because I was going demented with the 2 week wait and monthly disappointment. I booked a holiday to look forward to in a place I wanted to go to where I could take lots of lovely pictures. Of course I am the cliché. I got pregnant on holiday when I least expected it. I needed to take a step back from actively ttc and who knows if it helped the conception? It helped my state of mind though.

angster · 28/01/2011 11:49

Thanks ShowofHands, it's very comforting to hear similar stories and a successful outcome too! I hear all the stats and most people i know have got pregnant in the first 4months of trying (and with no m/c) so it becomes very easy to compare oneself and think well whats going on with me...Surely I have 1 in 4 chance of getting pregnant every month and why did i even bother trying not to get pregnant as clearly it's not that easy!!

It's weird you mention photography as I love photography too and for ages have wanted to build up a portfolio of pictures (just for a hobby)so i really like your idea of immersing yourself in something else. Thanks!!

ShowOfHands · 28/01/2011 11:56

I am so glad I threw myself into photography. Because when I look back at those photographs, it charts a time in my life that will never come round again. And I know in the later photos I'm pregnant but don't know it yet and then they move seamlessly into the photos of the pregnancy and eventually dd. It was a special time in lots of ways. I had a happy, wonderful marriage and I have this lovely record of it in the albums I made. I'm so glad I took the time to throw myself into that.

I often wonder what your real chances of conception are. Because if it's 25% if you're young, fertile, fit, healthy and having sex at EXACTLY the right time, then surely every point on which you deviate from it decreases the chances slightly. I do think our perspectives are also skewed by the friends around us who brush up against Jim in the Photocopy Room and fall pregnant instantly. They talk about their successes in conception. But hundreds more don't talk about the struggles.

I do hope it happens for you soon.

Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 28/01/2011 12:07

oh thank you show, thats a couple of lovely posts and yes i think you might be right. i recently got back into doing a bit of printmaking and that takes quite a lot of concentration when working out designs and doing lino cuts (if you don't concentrate the results are usually quite painful and involve you sticking a lino blade in between your thumb and forefinger.)

i try to allow myself a couple of hours of self pity if i'm really feeling i need it as i don't think its healthy to bottle things up, and then i feel much more refreshed to get on with things.
so i think my plan is more healthy eating, some vitamins and A HOBBY!!!!
will book drs on monday as well.

thank you for helping me out of a crap feeling, i feel much more positive than i did first thing. x

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Original poster

NinjaChipmunk · 28/01/2011 12:08

we'll get there one day!

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angster · 28/01/2011 12:09

I think we are told 25% but obviously that is an average plucked from probalby nowhere... for some of us it's not 25%. It may be that perhaps our cycles are slightly out of sync and we don't know it or perhaps Dh's swimmers aren't as good as the next person...it's not to say it won't happen, it will just obviously be a lower %.

I love the idea of charting a period in your life with your photography...what a wonderful idea

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