Considering IVF

[Dannygirl]

Hi ladies, I think this may be my first post on MN (although I have been a lurker for a while). I need some advice.

Have one DS 3.5, been trying to conceive #2 for 16 months, and just about to start cycle 4 of Clomid. Saw gynaecologist yesterday and he said after 6 cycles if I am not pregnant the next stage would be to consider IVF.

The problem is my DH doesn't want to do it, but I really really do. He is one of those happy go lucky kind of people who thinks 'what will be will be' and it doesn't matter if we never have #2. Obviously I adore DS1 and know how lucky I am to have him, but the thought of not having another baby is so upsetting :( and I would really want to try IVF if it came to it.

Does anyone else have a similar story, or have any advice for me?

Really feel for you. Does your DH really understand how much you want this second baby? Not wanting to make snap judgements but it does sound as if he's being a bit selfish in that he's happy to accept whatever happens but he's not so bothered about what's going to make you happy.

When you say "happy go lucky", is he someone who's not comfortable with raw/deep emotions?
Do you think he's actually scared of what IVF might entail? The emotional rollercoaster, how that could affect you/your relationship; the potentially huge financial investment? And of course the risk that it might not work. The worst thing about IVF is definitely that you go through all that and there's no guarantee of success. Without being pessimistic, you just don't know if you're going to be one of the first time lucky ones until you get there!

Don't really know what to advise other than can you try really hard to get it through to him just how heartbroken you'd be if you didn't go for it, how much it means to you to try whatever possible to have another child.

I haven't been in your position re the situation with your DH but have been through repeated cycles of IVF, which ulitmately brought us our precious DS, also 3, and so I am a fervent advocate of going for it but I also know that the going can get really tough and you have to be prepared for that.

I wish you lots and lots of luck with persuading him!!

Hi dannygirl

Really know where you're coming from, we've had horrendous problems trying to conceive no 2. I've had operations to remove scarring from my womb, tried IUI, and IVF, which we proceeded to purely because we hadn't managed to conceive naturally. Have you been given a reason as to why you haven't been able to conceive? Is it due to you not ovulating? Did you have any tests such as an HSG, or a sperm analysis for your husband, prior to you being given clomid?

The only reason I ask is that I went ahead with all the IUI and ivf without getting to the bottom of why we weren't conceiving and it turns out we should never have proceeded with this treatment, as I still had issues with scarring in my womb.

IVF is very expensive as is IUI, I think in total we've spent close to £8k on treatment that wasn't ever going to get us pregnant. I would make sure they try and understand what your fertility problems and that a treatment such as IVF is definitely the best next step, rather than ivf just being the default option due to the clomid not working. If it is just an issue with you not ovulating maybe injectables and a trigger injection might be a less expensive next option?

Best of luck

Helenlouisey x

Thank you so much for your replies.

BopTheAlien you are totally right about DH being scared of what IVF might entail, emotionally, physically for me and financially, and he's right, I know it would be a total roller coaster but I would still want to go for it. I am just not sure how to persuade him, or even if trying to persuade him to do something like this is even right....so difficult!

Helenlouisey that's really good advice. DH was tested before we conceived DS1 (as that took a little while too, and we needed Clomid that time) and he is fine. I had some blood tests about 9 months ago which said I was ovulating, but because the Clomid had worked last time we decided to try that again anyway. So no I actually don't know why we haven't been successful yet. I guess maybe I should ask for some tests if we do get to the end of the 6 months of Clomid without becoming pregnant.

Thanks ladies xxx