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Original poster

What are the highs and lows of having a second baby?

15 replies

smk84 · 03/01/2011 23:09

Subject says it all really, but just a little more info.... DS is 20 months now, and have been thinking of TTC for a loooong time now. Really thinking of starting to try soon, as feels like the right time. Am a little scared as had bad PND last time ! Just would like to know the highs and 'harder bits' of having a second. I wish I had come on here before we had DS, to find out a bit more about how life changes !!

OP posts:
aloiseb · 03/01/2011 23:56

I don't think anybody can understand how big a change it is when they have a baby, until they actually have one, and then of course you can't do anything about it - not even divorce!

Sorry to hear about your PND. I had it too, but only mildly, so I didn't have any drugs for it, and sometimes wonder wheter if I had, I would have felt less resentful when DD was tiny for the huge changes she had brought about. None of which were her fault. We did decide to have another baby, but not until she was 3.5 years... I'm sure I couln't have coped with 2 tiny ones, and take my hat off to all those millions who can.

When I had baby 2, i had the same feelings of overwhelmedness as before, but this time I recognised them as a form of PND and accepted the offer of Seroxat from the doctor. (later I came off it by taking smaller doses of St John's Wort which is a similar drug I believe) Basically I became a happy zombie-ish person rather than a spooky worried depressed type. I think it was better for us all that I did that for that first year, although I can't remember very much from that time now, and anyway it must be quite different if you have the more usula young toddler/baby combo.

Good luck!

iwilldothis · 04/01/2011 11:23

Just bumping your thread, I'm interested in replies too. Similar situation to you, DD is 22 months and we're TTC again. I also had (mild) PND, just off tabs for that since Nov. I think our lives won't change as much this time round as it's a bigger change going from 0 DC to 1 DC than from 1 DC to 2DC, iykwim, but maybe I'm wrong there?!?!

TheSydenhamSet · 04/01/2011 11:39

Highs: seeing ds adore his little sister, right from first meeting at the hospital
feeling a real family unit - dh, me, 2 little ones
establishing bfeeding (failed with ds. i learnt from what went wrong with him and was able to anticipate problems and deal with them).
dd slotting into family life. i knew what to do with her as had been through all the new parent stuff with ds. much more relaxed.

lows: night feedings, taking ages and feeling exhausted (this improved greatly after 5 weeks or so).

I'll come back with some more lows (and highs, hopefully) later as have to do some things.

iwilldothis · 04/01/2011 12:16

thanks for sharing that, TSS

Bumpsadaisie · 04/01/2011 13:05

I watch with interest - DD is 19 months and we just started TTC this month (AF due today but no sign so far .. gulp ...)

We had old friends to stay over new year - with a similar age gap between their 6 mth old and 3 year old to what would be between DD and any new baby.

Watching them was both delightful - lovely to have two little ones around and watching them together - but also terrifying - bathtime was a totally different ball game with the two of them.

My friend said the first 3 months was horrendous and they just muddled through in a daze as best they could. Now things are better. She advised me just to go for it - it is always going to be a shock when you have a second and you just have to get it over with, she said. On the plus side to set against the chaos and exhaustion you are more confident as parents and there is a lovely feeling of being a larger family and watching your eldest get to know your second.

Tempted to go and test now but I wont!

worththewait · 04/01/2011 13:38

hi everyone
i dont know what it is like to have 2 babies not to far apart from each other
all iknow is im ttc at the moment and have a child of 14 who has special needs
but ihave lots of friends that have got 2 children aged 1 and 4
or 6months and 2 yrs they cope really well its knackering for them
there be along gap bewteen my son and a baby
as i have lost ones inbweteen
good luck
and i think it quite good to have a small gap
x

iwilldothis · 04/01/2011 19:01

oooooh bumpsadaisie..... keep us posted! :)

Original poster
smk84 · 04/01/2011 23:05

Thank you everyone :) And thank you I will do this - 'bumping' is new to me !! Good luck to all TTC !!
TheSydenhamSet - very encouraged by your response. I too struggled to feed DS and am hoping to be more successful with any other DC.
Aloiseb - I am not convinced that I could cope with 2 young children !(which is sort of why I am on here Smile)
Worththewait - sorry to hear about your losses & thank you for the encouragement.
Bumpsadaisie - understand your gulp !! Definitely keep us posted Wink
Still talking lots with DH about TTC & each time I realise I really feel the time is right. Then I go into shock every so often thinking 'this is becoming too real' !!

OP posts:
Original poster
smk84 · 05/01/2011 21:28

I will do this - can you explain bumping? If I did this again might we get more replies? Is there a sort of etiquette for this? Thanks

OP posts:
thehen · 05/01/2011 21:42

Hi,
I have DS who is 3 and DD who is 7 months. The low for me at the beginning were feeling tremendous guilt to DS because I couldnt devote all my time to him but this is very common and does go away to be replaced with great pleasure at seeing them together.

There is no denying its bloody hard work with a toddler and a baby but so worth it :)

whatagradeA · 05/01/2011 21:51

Even though we always planned to have our 2 quite close together and were TTC we both spent the first 3 months of my 2nd pregnancy going 'oh shit, what have we done!?' So be prepared for that!

But it's wonderful! There are 2.3 years between DD and DS. She adored him from the minute he was born (he's nearly 2 now) and he slotted in so easily. I think I was a bit of a zombie for the first year until he started sleeping better and shouted more than I would have liked (I'm prone to being a snappy cow when I'm tired!) I also had no time alone with either one as I have no childcare (I've been a SAHM since DD) or family to help. I sometimes wonder if this was a bit of a shame but it's fine really.

I found bathing (which someone else mentioned) was easy. DD would stay in for ages, and I would bring all DS things into the bathroom and sort him out. Feeding him was fine - she would have stories or I'd sing action songs while she danced about or far too much TV. Getting out and about was fine. DD is very placid and well-behaved so didn't have to chase them in 2 directions.

Gosh, I'm sure I must be looking through rose-tinted specs about some of this! But I really wouldn't change it for the world Smile

Go for it!

KatyCustard · 05/01/2011 22:20

It's so weird that this topic suddenly appeared, as I was going to post a similar one, only mine was going to say something more along the lines of "Anyone else scared out of their minds at the idea of doing all again?!!!!!" - I think yours is better SMK84!

Does anyone else have experience of a large aage gap? I was pregnant in 2003/4 so we're looking at at least a nearly eight year gap! I cannot explain the fear that I feel - even though I reeeeeelly really want another baby I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom!

maxpower · 05/01/2011 22:31

as whatgradea says, when I found out I was expecting DS last year after ttc no2 for 2 years, I was still left feeling OMG what am I doing?!?!?!

DD is 4 and DS is 17days old. It's a joy to see how much she loves him and watching her hold, play with and talk to him. In my case, the timing seems to be good for us as DD started big school today, so it means I will get some 1-1 time with DS, which I wouldn't have had if DD was younger. For us, the initial difficulty was the adjustment to be made within the family unit - DD had to get used to sharing our time with DS, but she's coped with that admirably. I think the tiredness is worse as you can't lie in when you've got other children getting up and needing breakfast/entertaining/taking to school or nursery.

But the bottom line is that you can always think of reasons not to have a baby or talk yourself out of the idea. No matter how hard it is to start with, babies don't stay babies forever, they grow up, get more independent and you get your life back slowly but surely. Good luck to those of your ttc no 2.

Bumpsadaisie · 06/01/2011 10:16

Ooh, keep the encouraging messages coming ...

AF was due Tuesday and no sign - plan to test tomorrow if she hasn't turned up.

I did a "due date" calculator which said that if I am pregnant there would be 2.3 years between DD and new baby - just like you WhatgradeA !

I don't know how I will feel if its a BFN ... Relieved but also mega disappointed!

iwilldothis · 06/01/2011 15:04

it's looking good for you then bumpsadaisie.... good for you for holding out to test til Fri! good luck!

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