I have lost two babies this year. The first at five months and the second at three months. The tests have all come back normal both times. I've been told that I will get no more testing done until I've lost another baby.
So here I am, ready physically to start again but petrified that my desire to be a mum means another life won't make it. Our friends and Family are dropping babies left right and centre. We are trying to get through each day without burning up with rage and jealousy. It's not easy.
I've never wanted anything so much and there's nothing I can do to make it happen. I tried to talk to my husband about the possibility that this may never happen for us. His face said everything I needed to know. I feel so useless. I can get pregnant but no matter what I do I can't keep the pregnancy going. I really thought that in this day and age there would be more help available. I am 29, I am healthy, I eat a balanced diet, I do not drink, I've never smoked or taken drugs, I walk my dog every day, I've been taking folic acid for years and I work from home so I'm not exposed to anything that could be harmful to a growing fetus.
Can it really be that this has all been bad luck and there's a chance I can have a pregnancy go full term?