Did you tell your boss/work about your fertility treatment?

[TanteAC]

Am in the middle of the rigmarole of testing for infertility - ah, the appointments! I'm sure most of you know the drill..

So I think the next move is Clomid, and although I have done all my research on outcomes and side effects and so on, I am wondering if I am going to have to tell anyone in work?

I would only have to tell them if I had to have appointments during school hours (am a teacher, not 15 yrs old or anything ). Really don't want to as it will go around like wildfire regardless of all the bollocks promises of confidentiality.

How many actual appointments do you have? Think it will be with Queen Charlottes Chelsea in London if anyone wants to come along and answer all my questions very specifically!

TIA

bump!

TanteAc this is a difficult one - i would probably not unless the person you tell is someone you trust. Fertility treatment can be short, or it can be long (it took me awhile to conceive dd with help from doctors etc) and i was glad i hadnt told as i wouldnt have wanted to speak about it at work, or be asked about it, as they were many difficult times during this period.

I have also heard of others that have had this brought back to them regarding their performance etc. For the first few appointments, if you could i would just say you have some "female problems etc" That usually does the trick!

For clomid it is usually the appointment to get it, and then depending on the doc, you can have a scan midcycle to check your ovaries/eggs being released.
I wish you lots of luck, it is sometimes a difficult process,, but i liked the fact that work was my space away from fertility treatments (if that makes sense!)

Thank you for replying (and you know I actually have a vuvezela, if you still want it? )

Yeah, my instinct is not to say anything, I don't like people at work knowing my business - they are all lovely, but will be too suportive, IYSWIM? Think I may just have 'female related' scans, etc - and see how many I can squeeze in around working hours.

Thanks again!

Hi there. I went through 6 months of clomid and didn't tell anyone in work. I did have to have scans but my work was quite flexible.

I then had IVF and managed to go through the whole process without telling my boss the exact reason for my absence. I booked a fair bit of holiday but did get 3 days special leave for 'medical procedures' and wasn't asked for any kind of letter or proof.

TanteC keep that Vuv might just call you up on it!
For now, as DF says keep it quiet, and take leave when you need it - i managed to get ivf organised around my holidays!
If you want some support around clomid you could think about joining fertilityfriends.co.uk their are very active threads around this and other fertility issues

Hi TanteAC, am also a teacher and have undergone Fertility Testing and awaiting treatment in the New Year. For appointments I arranged all but one in my own time, that took longer I tell you!! For the one in work time I wrote Hospital Appointment on the form to get permission, was prepared to say why but wasn't challenged.

For Treatment, we have to go straight to ICSI (male factors) so I spoke with the Deputy Head in charge of cover, instead of the person who signs forms for approved absence (Head of Faculty/Dept) and told him. He said he couldn't break confidence but I am not the only one (now or in past I don't know) and I can have time off. I plan the 2 weeks off after Egg Collection to when get test, for this first cycle anyway - at £6,000 or so a time I can't afford to think "if only". I am secondary, so cover a bit easier but they will cover this absence with one person. I explained I can't say exactly when (it was a male, didn't want to go into details ), and the scans depend on how things go, but will mean part of morning off etc. I usually have to give 3 days notice, have agreement to not need it etc. I told him I didn't want others to know, as everyone in my area has a toddler or two etc and it was hard for me.

Sorry I can't say about appointments - are you having a monitored clomid cycle (with scans as you go along) or just take it yourself (monitoring not available here for clomid on nhs)? If no monitoring I personally would not say anything, not until need IUI treatment.

Waffled on, sorry - hope it goes ok with work. They have to keep confidence, and I think telling a male for me was helpful!!

I didn't tell work. I simply said that I had medical appointments and left it at that. I was glad that I didn't tell. Word would have got around and I would have hated the questions, especially given how long the whole process took.

On average I had two appointments per month: the first to scan the ovaries and take blood at about day 10, and then again on day 20 just to take blood. In the months where I also had a HSG injection at around day 10 (to support ovulation) there should also have been another appointment at around day 18 for the second HSG injection. However, I learned to do the injection myself to save myself the trip to the clinic.

I know it's difficult being a teacher without having any 'holiday' days or flexibility to play with. I wish I had had the organisational skills to have done it in the holidays!!
I worked in a primary school and needed to go straight to ivf.
I told my head and my year partner but no-one else. I was at the Hammersmith and they open at 7am so I tried to get the earliest appointments in the day. On the days when I needed to go in for scans and bloods, I was generally back in school by 9.30, and the head or lsa had taken my register and the children to assembly. Tbh schoolw as so busy first thing in the morning I doubt if the other staff noticed when I wasn't in. Good luck.

Aw thanks so much to all for your advice - especially useful to have experience from teachers!

I am secondary as well, so it is a good idea about going to the person in charge of cover. HOD is lovely, but it all feels a bit close to home and day-to-day office life.

So about two appoitments a month - that isn't too bad, espeially if I get early ones and leg it back to work.

It is just a job where any variation in your day is instantly obvious to everyone!

Thanks again x

I can only answer on behalf of my best friend who is currently pregnant with twins after her second cycle of IVF (ya!

She didn't tell anyone for the first cycle and felt that in retrospect it was a mistake. She was also on a cover rota which she thought she could manage. We also work in a very male enviroment where long hours and flexibilty with working hours are the norm. she didn't want to be judged. consequently she felt stressed all the time having to go home at a certain time to do injections, splitting shifts and taking leave for appointments etc etc. people notice her 'strange' behavious and she got lots of questions and there were so many rumours (amongst the female staff!!) flyinf around it was ridiculous.

The second time she confided in her male boss who was fantastic. Unbeknowst to her his wife had also gone through IVF and he fully understood. He immediately took her off the rota and let her have what time she needed. She also confided in her peers (also all male)to explain her 'absences' and cover for her when needed and they were so supportive. She was really surprised (which is why you should never prejudge!!). Consequently she was much more relaxed the second time which is maybe why it's been successful. Also the prying questions (again from the female staff who had decided she either had cancer!! or was the victim of domestic violence due to her sudden abscences)because she told a couple of other close colleagues so they could put a stop to it.

Basically it's probably up to you but if you're trying to keep a secret it can add more unnecessary stress when letting work know could alleviate it.

In short

Tante I am also a teacher and underwent fertility investigations and treatment through clomid. It did involve quite a few appointments and I couldn't always arrange them in my non-contact time. I also had to have some scans with just a week's notice or less. I went to my line manager at the start and just said I was beginning some medical investigations and treatment and would likely need to attend a few hospital appointments over the next few months. You don't need to say what your appoinments are for and my manager has always said she doesn't want to know, she just hopes everything is okay and to let them know if they can do anything to help. Rumours spread so quickly in schools and I really didn't want any colleagues knowing what we were going through when I hadn't even told friends and family. I did make sure I read through our absence management policy thougroughly before it all started though, just to be on the safe side!

Good luck with it all.

I'm ttc on Clomid cycle 1 at the moment. My clinic doesn't scan so I have no more appointments until March but I've had bloods, appointment, HSG and have been recommended for IVF if no joy soon. I decided not to say anything at the start but thought that I would if/when getting to IVF. However, then I stumbled across this very question being asked on The Guardian website and some of the comments posted were so spiteful and unsympathetic (infertility isn't a medical condition, why should other people pay the price of your children etc) that it's made me change my mind. I now intend to say nothing for as long as I possibly can.

Can anyone help with this question?

I have had tests day 21 etc, my Dr recently asked me lots of different questions and then said that my and my DH would be allowed to get fertility treatment. I don't really kjnow what this means I've looked online and that doesn't help much. Does he mean IVF or something to make me release more eggs?

I told my DH and he said we should wait longer and that he doesn't want me to take any tablets.

Annie - has your dr ordered semen analysis tests for your husband and a HSG for you to check if you have blocked fallopian tubes, or have you just had the blood tests so far? Before you have treatment, those tests will be done. I guess much depends on your age and what you want.