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Conception

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Original poster

When to have 2nd baby??? Advice???

34 replies

diva4mgl · 23/09/2005 13:34

Hi all,
i have 5m baby girl ( who is currently sleeping on my knee). dh and i want number 2. but i dont know when, i was thinking something like after 3 years, but dh is 36 and doesnt want to leave it too late. tbh i dont want to push double buggy, i want dd to be able to walk without buggy and doesnt need too much care like feeding dressing and etc...
could tell me when is suitable time? must sound silly, but honest question.
thnx

OP posts:
Lucycat · 23/09/2005 13:39

I have 3 years between my two, so got pg when dd1 was 2.3ish! I personally couldn't have coped with them any closer in age, but most people seem to - also the thought of two lots of nappies to change!!ughh

I'd say, enjoy your little one for a while longer, let her be the baby while she still is. I'l probably get shot down now!!

Donbean · 23/09/2005 13:41

We are at this point in discussion at the mo in our house.
DS is 2y 2m, i am 35, dh is 33.
We think that in about 18 months we will start to try.
So ds will be coming up to starting school, independant as such BUT i will be 37!
Its possible but i am going through swings in opinion from "i want to start to try now" or nononono! things will be so much easier with just 1.
The sensible time would be when ds is over 3 for us so we have agreed to wait for about 18 months.
When ds was 5 months there is no way on this earth that i would have even considered the next one wow! how brave are you!?

LIZS · 23/09/2005 13:53

ds was 3 yrs 5 months when dd was born. He was reasonably independent by then, went to preschool so had his own activities and was not so dependent on me and had long outgrown all the equipment so no jealousy. We bought a kiddyboard but used it only a handful of times.

That would have been true of any time over age of 3.

Original poster
diva4mgl · 23/09/2005 13:56

i know, im mad
a girl i know just had baby and her ds is 16m, when i looked her with big bump and little one, i thought i really don`t want that close. i would say she is brave.
what age they start school now? i havent clue about it???

OP posts:
LIZS · 23/09/2005 13:58

They start school at rising 5 so usually the September they are 4. Playgroups, preschools etc operate from about 2 1/2 - 3 and up.

Rhubarb · 23/09/2005 14:01

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!

Mojomummy · 23/09/2005 14:07

Hi, we have DD (who was 2 in June) I didn't want a dec baby, when DD would be 2.5. so decided & planned for a March 06 baby. Was thrilled to be pregnant for this time. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage : - (

Point is, try not to plan too much, leave yourself some time in case it doesn't happen immediately & allow time for if it happens straight away.

Apparently the best age for baby 1 to have a sibling is 3. By then they have established themselves, what they are about etc, less jealousy, a little more independance etc.

Whatever you decide, good luck & hope it all goes well

robin3 · 23/09/2005 14:20

With Mojomummy on not being too planned. I waited until everything was perfect and assumed that it would be easy because DS1 was unexpected. WRONG! Still trying for a second and wishing I'd made less assumptions and just got on with things earlier.

Original poster
diva4mgl · 23/09/2005 14:26

i know im not supposed to plan things like this. tbh, dd was surprise baby, we didnt plan but i wasnt on pills. so it happened, but we were married 3 years. im still not on the pill Oh No im thinking of having in early spring baby, so i can wear my maternity clothes.i saved all mine cause i spent that much money, from size 12 i went 16. i got to go down size 12 and have number2. underwise from 16 to 20, OMG
Anyway seems like most people agree that 3 years after first baby is suitable for next?? Yeah??

OP posts:
jersey · 23/09/2005 14:32

HI, we are starting TTC in nov/dec, our DS will be 15/16mths so approx 2/2.5 if preg straight away (haha!!). I don't want to leave it too long as I am 34 now and we want a third as well. DS has been walking since 9mths and is starting to get independent now, so hopefully by then a buggy board will be enough as I don't want to push a double buggy either.

compo · 23/09/2005 14:32

I agree with mojomummy. My sil thought exactly the same as Donbean (sorry not meaning to single anyone out) but she had a miscarriage and is now 39 and very It said in the papers recently that your fertility declines after 35 (they don't take egg donation after this age as well) and I know lots of people still successfully have kids after this age but I definitely wouldn't plan to because i know so many people going through the heartbreak of miscarriages and IVF.
(sorry to be so depressing on a Friday afternoon!)

sweetkitty · 23/09/2005 14:33

we are going to have an 18 month gap, I know I'm mad but we wanted them close together and he gap is right for us, I think it's your personal choice

Kidstrack2 · 23/09/2005 14:38

I have a nearly 4yr age gap. We started trying for baby no2 when my ds was 2.7 eventually conceived when ds was 3.3 and our dd was born 2 weeks short of ds 4th birthday. Its a perfect age gap for us, like you I did't want the double buggy thing and also wanted to spend time with ds when he was a toddler and got potty training and everything done and of course ds was starting nursery so it gave me time with the new baby. They are now 6 and 2 and when I see them playing together I know it was a perfect age gap for them and for us!

vickitiredmum · 23/09/2005 14:41

We didnt want too big a gap with DD and 2nd one - told my DP that we should start ttc when dd was around 15 mths with view to concieve when she was around 2 because of likely risk of not conceiving as quick this time round (conceived within 2 weeks of TTC with DD) and miscarriage risk (i have always felt that if you havent had one then the maths/odds will get round to you soon enough). Got pg approx 7 weeks after ........ left with just 2 year (almost to the day...) gap. Its been an interesting 5 months......

If you try and plan kids - there's never a good time. Give yourself at least a year from your last one to heal properly and then go for it - there'll always be pro's n cons for sooner or later.

jaspercat · 23/09/2005 14:57

There is exactly two years between my two, and although the first year of the second one was hard, now they are 2.5 and 4.5 they are the best of friends and get on well, so occupy themselves a lot of the time. Plus they like doing the same things. I was getting on when I had my first so could not afford to leave a long gap but it has worked out fantastically.

vickitiredmum · 23/09/2005 15:04

oh - there is hope then jaspercat!

Actually, the other day my DS was crying and my DD (2 1/2 yrs) went up to him, stroked his face and said - "dont worry - daddy be home soon" aawwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Original poster
diva4mgl · 23/09/2005 15:20

oh thats cute, bless her, i really want number two. just not sure about when. i think 3 is perfect at least 2and half, but dh doesn`t want to be 40. cause his dad was 40 and always said he is too old. i understand him i will be 34, so its not problem
xxxx

OP posts:
Pagan · 23/09/2005 15:25

There is only 16 months between my two. It's bloody hard work but I keep telling myself it will get easier, and it does. If I could have done it differently I would have met DH years ago, had lots of fun and then had kids spaced out a bit more but I didn't want to leave it too late and then start again when I'm pushing 40. I'm sure if I was younger and had the two at the same age I'd have had more energy

staceym11 · 23/09/2005 15:34

my dd has just turned 11mth and we'r ttc #2, so there will be around 20 months between them if i fall straight away, i dont want to push a double buggy either, so either dd will walk or when she gets tired she'l go in the buggy and #2 will go in a sling.

there was almost exactly 2yrs between me and my bro and by the time i was born he walked everywhere and mum never needed a double buggy!

jersey · 23/09/2005 15:36

staceym11, theres 2.5 between me and my sister, and my mum managed without a double buggy, just a seat on top of the pram (those old fashioned ones), so I'm hoping a buggy board will be enough for us.

compo · 23/09/2005 15:38

I wondered about a buggy board too. The thing that puts me off is when I've had a really crap day and me and ds need a break I push him out for a walk and often he still falls asleep (he's 18 months) and the thought of being knackered with a new baby and a ds who might want to sleep on a walk but instead have to toddle along very slowly or stand up just doesn't appeal. Sorry, I sound a bit negative on this thread don't I?!!

vickitiredmum · 23/09/2005 15:40

Nowt wrong with double buggys IME

jersey · 23/09/2005 15:51

Compo, you can get the boards where they can sit as well as stand, not sure what happens if they fall asleep though!!! Could be a bit dangerous!!

compo · 23/09/2005 15:52

lol

expatinscotland · 23/09/2005 15:54

There will be 2.5 years between DD and her brother or sister when this one is born in December. I would have left it later, but it took a while to conceive both babies and I'm 35 next February.

My sister adn I are 4 years apart and I'd prefer a gap like that.

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