Getting pregnant over 40

[Ruthie6781]

Hi all, I'm new to the site, and new to the idea of getting pregnant.

I'm 43 now, and 6 months ago I met the love of my life (14 years my junior, no less!). I've never wanted a baby before, but I would very much like to have a baby with him. He's a very steady person, caring, and loves me. His family are wonderful and I know I'd get a lot of love and support from them.

However, I'm worried that I won't be able to conceive, or that I'll have great difficulty. I'm also worried about the risks attached to becoming pregnant over 40, as I know they increase significantly.

To make matters worse, I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and take medication to keep me stable. The medication I take is known to cause cleft palate in babies, but it keeps me well. All bipolar medications carry a risk, and this is the only one I've found that gives me minimal side effects. I don't really want to change my medication because it works for me, and I know that I couldn't spend 9 months (or more) not taking any medication at all.

I'm currently taking Cerazette but have only been doing so for 5 months. Prior to that, I hadn't taken a contraceptive pill for years. And when I did, it wasn't for any longer than about 1 year.

I guess I just want to speak to other mums who may be (or have been) in my position and who can offer me advice, or just encouragement.

Ruth

Hi Ruth

Welcome to Mumsnet

Just wanted to post, as I have a little bit of experience. I was on lithium for a few years after I suffered very bad post natal depression after I had DD, and it seemed to progress to what they vaguely called a ?Mood Disorder? and it took a long time to stabilise. I never had bi-polar but they said I had a ?flavour? of psychosis, whatever that means, and I certainly needed my medication to get better. I had my world turned upside down. I realised for myself that mental illness, is REAL illness, it?s not something you can just ?cheer up? from or snap out of. It totally changed my understanding of what mental illness is.

I was also on anti-psychotics (olanzapine) as well as a variety of anti-depressants, sleeping tablets, diazepam etc. etc. It was horrific.

However, I am now so much better, and loving being a mum. We really want to complete our family by having a second child. I am obviously apprehensive, and the medication was a huge barrier to us TTC. At the start of the year I started reducing my medication very gradually (under supervision of psychiatrist). I did one medication at a time. It took 5 months to get off the lithium by cutting tiny pieces off my tablet. It has taken a further 6 months to get off my AD. But I got there. And I still feel well.

I was told there is a risk of taking medication whilst pregnant, but the risk has to be weighed up against the potential benefit. Being mentally ill and pregnant is not necessarily better for your fetus than taking medication and staying well. Bipolar episodes are not a ?neutral? event in terms of the amount of stress etc. placed on you and your body. I was told the risk of cleft palate when taking lithium was about 5%. Bearing in mind the risk of having a baby with an ?abnormality? (hate that word as every baby is beautiful whatever) is 1-3% naturally (ie. Without having taken medication). So the risks are still quite small. I don?t know about Cerazette, but I imagine the advice is the same ? there is a risk, but the risks are still quite small.

Only you, your partner and your Dr. can together weigh up the risks of what is right for you.

For me, I wanted to at least try to get off my medication, and to remain medication-free for the first trimester, if I could possibly help it. But IF I get pregnant, and IF I get ill again, I would consider going back on my medication, as I believe it is very important that you stay well throughout pregnancy, and as I said before, mental illness is REAL illness.

Regarding your age, sorry I don?t have any stats, but yes I do believe your chances are reduced, but there are lots of things you can do to help you conceive more quickly e.g. BBT charting and using ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) to help tell you if, and when you are ovulating. Yes the risks e.g. of Downs are also higher. But plenty of women in their forties do have healthy babies.

Hope this helps.

Sorry I just realised that cerazette is a contraceptive pill - thought it strange I'd never heard of it as a bipolar treatment!!

What do you take for your bipolar, is it lithium? sodium valproate?

Hi there,

I take lamotrigine (a fairly large dose), fluoxetine and olanzapine for the bipolar. I've suffered my whole life with it to varying degrees of awfulness, but was only diagnosed just prior to becoming 40. It's a funny old world.

The last thing I expected to do was meet someone and fall in love at 43, but that's exactly what I've done.

Oh yes, mental illness is most definitely a real illness. And it is a very destructive one at that. Worse still, society still stigmatises those of us who suffer from it. I've even had that stupid attitude from GPs. I'm lucky in that I now have an excellent GP who, when he doesn't know something about my condition or the meds I take, goes away and looks it up and educates himself. He is also more than happy to listen to what I have to say about my meds and my condition as, obviously, I know my particular flavour of crazy a lot better than he does.

I'm sorry that you suffered so badly with post natal depression, and I'm glad you are better now. I was on lithium for a while and it really didn't agree with me. I was very sick on it and it didn't help with the bipolar symptoms at all, even on a mammoth dose.

I also have what's known in the trade as borderline personality disorder, though it is very difficult to tell where that ends and bipolar disorder begin, so I find it impossible to separate the two and pretty much consider them as something that is all one flavour of crazy.

I've often wondered whether, given my mental illness, I should have a child. But it's father would be one of the most mentally stable people I know, and as I've been well for the last three (nearly 4 years), then I don't have so much fear of being a bad parent. Besides, as I said, I would have a very good support network.

Thanks for your help and support. I'm off to buy some pre-natal vitamins and get my diet healthy (and then break it to my darling boyfriend!)