Oh Dear.... Heartless or Pragmatic?

[JRsandCoffee]

So, I logged into Mumsnet so that I could share the whole TTC thing and find out how others were finding it. It has been a while and I'd been getting a bit lonely dementing to myself, and lets face it, that's what we're all here for - to share some degree of experience/ madness......Anyway, I'm very glad I did, almost every post I read touches a memory or a shared feeling and everyone seems lovely.

So.... getting to the point, today I am definatley not pregnant, boo, rats, drat and many other words I'm not putting in print. I'm not reading about the clomid I'm about to take out another library book on conception because I've read one already or stocking up on Agnus Castus and booking myself into reflexology or any of the other things that seem like damn good suggestions....I'm merrily experimenting in my kitchen and chatting away about books, dogs and horses and generally loving the wonder that is all the nice sane people on Mumsnet!!

Am I some sort of heartless cow who doesn't deserve a baby (I'm pretty sure I do, think about it lots and try very hard not to think about it more)......or am I just being pragmatic? Life goes on? Worried that I should be more sobbingly upset....my body clock is a blasted grandfather one, with a big chime that I can hear clearly!

you are psychologically healthy and resilient

Thank you Arabella,happy to be comforted! I'm a little worried that as cycle 14 of disappointment comes to an end I'm happily drinking an, admitedly still moderate but still unmistakably alchohol, glass of wine and eating a big bowl of risotto, while discussing dogs and really can't face getting upset about the sad lack of baby, just seems pointless!

I've just found recipes......so now I'm busy looking up chutney recipies.....Aaaaaaaaaargh....I think I'm distracting myself.....successfully, hurrah!

JR am hoping you aren't heartless, because if you are then I am too. I am an avid lurker on TTC threads, but am not sure I understand all of it, including the charting, baby dust and the whole temperature thing. But I still obsess over TTC, get through a ridiculous amount of wee sticks every month and dread the 2ww.

Not sure how long you need to be TTC for to really understand all of it (had to google agnus castus). And have to admit to continuing on with the wine, gin, soft cheese and runny eggs - am not pg therefore why not?

So I'm not alone??? Indeed, I have had to do some research on the lingo also.....I'm sure it's still wrong to console myself with the thought that if nothing happens until the new year I can drink the bramble brandy and sloe gin maturing under my stairs at christmas? Not all of it you understand, I do intend to share it.

Not had bramble brandy before but our sloe gin does need finishing - have new sloes in freezer, but probably should finish the current batch before making any more. And thats all mine.

Having been pg at christmas before, have to say that its not easy hiding it from those avidly watching for signs. There is only so much straight tonic I can drink and it does look a bit odd to still be drinking a gin tonic with the turkey.

But then, apart from booze, what else is there at christmas that you can't have when pg? Sure there must be lots?