Is time really ticking?

[DaphneBroon]

Hello. Wonder if anyone has been in a similar position - I know that each individual is different but anyway.....here's the thing. Turned 37 in August, and after years of looking finally met the right man about 6 months ago. All fantastic, we're getting married early next year . Thing is, we definitely want to have kids but having got together so recently I'd really like to leave it about a year so we can enjoy being married, just the two of us for a bit (and by enjoy I mean doing things that involve drinking!). But I worry that I'm already pushing it fertility-wise and should really just start trying asap, especially as we'd like more than one. Is there any sort of test anyone has had that can tell me if I'm more/less fertile than the average person? I've got no problems that I am aware of, and pretty fit etc, but have never been pregnant so I just don't know. Also DH2B is 46, that might make a difference too mightn't it? Any tips/stories?

Congratulations on your engagement!

I suppose it depends how important having children is to you and your husband to be.

If it's absolutely important to you, and the thought of not having children would be devastating, I think you should start trying right away,

However, if it's not all that important (i.e. you both wouldn't be devastated if it never happened) then you could leave it for a year.

Plenty of women do conceive at 38+, but I think it's fair to say your chances are reduced. There is also increased risk of conditions like Downs so something to bear in mind too.

It's a difficult decision to make, I fully agree with you that ideally you would have time just you and your new DH together first. You may not have that luxury though if children are something you both desperately want together.

I don't know of any test that can tell you if you are more or less fertile than anyone else. However, the fact you look after yourself and are fit is a good thing. Do you have regular cycles or are they irregular / long?

I have a friend who got pg when she was in her fortys, without trying, ok she had 2 before, but the youngest at the time was about 12.

I think people worry too much about the biological clock.

You could talk to the doctor and see if there are any tests out there.

Hopefull someone more helpful will stop by soon.....

Thanks GDYWF. Regular as clockwork, 28 days exactly. Hard to tell if we'd be devastated if it didn't happen, but I guess we'd feel pretty daft if we scuppered our chances just because we wanted to have a bit of fun first. I guess a part of me also thinks that with DH2B already being a bit older, we're less likely to be able to enjoy a long and active retirement when the (theoretical!) kids have left home.

I am as you say very conscious of the risk of disabilities, and that scares me, but I wonder if I'm already in that higher risk bracket anyway and a year won't make much difference?

TLF1, cheers always good to hear a positive story!

I would agree with what getdown has said but if you do want kids, and want more than 1, then you do need to be aware of the whole fertility/age thing. There is a lot of info on the web to give you the odds on conceiving - and it does fall each year (falling quite a bit after around 35, as I have found - try here). There is also an increased risk of things like downs, miscarriage etc as you get older. I think there has been recent research into male fertility/links to certain conditions associated with older fathers as well.

I have friends with older partners as well, and I know they also think about what happens as you get older - ie if your partner is 46 now and you have a baby in 2 years, he will be late 60's when said child leaves home.

So good luck - would be lovely to have time with your partner before children, and there are lots of people over 35 that conceive very quickly!

If you really want a baby, don't leave it.

We started trying this time last year (when I was 38). I have a feeling I may be pregnant now but can't test for a few days yet. If I am, I will be 40 by the time baby arrives.

I am exactly like you - periods every 28 days without fail, no history of problems. I thought it would cinch.

I am also in the same bracket as you. Been trying seriously for two years. Now 40. He's 43. Cycle regular as clockwork 28 days. Nothing doing. Probably private IVF in new year. Weigh up your options. See what is more important in your life: kids or each other. You can have both... Just trying now increases your odds of having the best of both worlds- leaving it a while may still be ok but a bit of a gamble. HTH

It's a tough decision, and I can only re-iterate what speclkedeggy and fedup have said already. It depends how much you want children. My situation was similar to yours, I met my DP at 39 and had come to the point where I presumed I would be too old to conceive, or at the very least it would be difficult. I got pregnant with DD within 5 months of meeting him, and am now expecting our second DC in Jan. I'm 42 but consider myself exceptionally lucky to have
conceived so easily in my forties.

I don't think you can delay it for too long.
Good luck! :)

daphnebroon your gp should be able to do day 3 blood tests which tests your hormones that give an indication of your ovarian reserve. You can do them on days 2-5 of your menstrual cycle. Might help you decide how long you want to leave it.

Daphne - you Could look into an ovarian reserve test. I did the first part today, I.e day 3 ultrasound, blood tests. Then I go back in a couple of weeks. It will give you a good idea of what your fertility is looking like. It's a tricky one as I know so many people who have had kids in their 40s but you don't know what your own fertility is up to.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. If all is well a few years on when you try then fine. But if all is not well (and no test can consider every scenario)it can take years to go down the infertility treatment route - you'd need to give it about a year to try naturally, then get a referral, then go through tests followed by treatments. In my area 40 is the cut off for (NHS) IVF. That's the worst case scenario of course, everything could be fine for you. One little pinch of salt too to the stats re: the age of women having babies - often it's women who already have one or more, hence know they are likely to be fertile.