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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Feeling very sorry for myself indeed...

9 replies

lissieloucifer · 30/10/2010 19:07

ok, so it has been five years since my first miscarriage. five long years. during which pretty much everyone I know has got pregnant and most of them have given birth. I have been left behind on all the ttc threads and am too despondant for even the hut. I am sick of bfn's, im even more sick of bfp's that turn into bfn's. im sick of people asking when we are planning on having more. im sick of sitting in doctors surgeries or consultants rooms and crying, or of lying there, legs akimbo while a stranger furtles around with my nethers.

being infertile is shit. it doesnt make it any easier that i have ds, because its nearly christmas and once again he has asked FC for a baby brother to play with. he has also asked me today why we dont have a baby. how do i say "because your mummy has a shit body and cant even reproduce properly"?

moan over. as you were.

OP posts:

GetDownYouWillFall · 30/10/2010 19:10

Oh lissie

It is really really unfair. It's hard to understand why there are some really unsuitable people in the world that seem to get pregnant as easily as falling off a log, and yet there are other wonderful caring families that can't.

I don't really know what else to say, other than I feel for you. Just had a MC myself, and it is horrible

However I sense you are not ready to give up yet. Muster all your strength and keep going xx

Original poster

lissieloucifer · 30/10/2010 19:21

it has got easier as times gone by, but every now and then i get a wave of rage and sadness. i dont just feel shitty for dh and i, i feel shitty for ds too.

OP posts:

GetDownYouWillFall · 30/10/2010 19:25

yes, I can understand that, but DS will be fine you know. The fact he has got two parents who love him and love each other will be what he needs for his emotional well being. It's a lot more than many kids have. He will get all his social support from friends and he won't suffer.

Of course he will be nagging for a brother or sister, you can't help that, it's what kids do, they say what's in their head - they are not sensitive. It sucks but IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!

Rage and sadness is normal, it's part of the grieving process. Although it's a weird kind of grief because it never seems to end, you can never "move on" whilst there is still hope.

It's just so so hard.

Original poster

lissieloucifer · 30/10/2010 19:36

i know, im just having a shit day. my ribs are hurting and I feel really shitty about the whole situation!

OP posts:

KTRace · 30/10/2010 20:10

lissie I am so sorry too you are feeling this way. I am pretty much in the same situation as you except only been trying for 2.5 years, have had 2 MC in the last year. I also have a DC.
I am having a terrible day too finding it really hard to not cry. Met up with friends yesterday and the 2 that know I had a recent MC happen also to be pregnant and both told me in great depth about scans and what not, despite me previously telling them that I was having a crap time. So now I am also feeling sorry for myself that I have shit friends on top of everything else.
I don't know what to suggest as I am struggling myself, I have recently been referred to a counsellor as I need to learn how to cope. But cope we will. xx

galwaygal · 30/10/2010 20:33

Lissie , so sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Sorry to hear you are having a bad time with the pain too. There is nothing I can say to help, but know that you are not alone in this. I hope that at least you coming here to say it helps.

My daughter keeps asking for a sister too. I think she genuinely believes we are going to have one soon, I just keep avoiding the inevitable question that will come at some point - why not. And I don't know how to answer it either.

ffried · 30/10/2010 21:54

oh sweetie, i'm so sorry for your situation i'm in a simular one got married within 3 months got pregnant had it all until the day before she was due she died inside me, so so awful. we then tried again a while after for nearly a year got asked the same questions when you going to try again i am bloody trying but didn't want to say felt wierd and embarrassed about it. after a year we went to see someone had all the tests done both of us, my husband had a low sperm count and they said you have little to no chance of getting pregnant naturally, was devastated went to the doctor said yes u can have ivf sent me away and said to come back when i get my period and we'll start treatment, my period never came! my daughter was born it was a miricle. she is now nearly 2 we're desparate for another as most friends with babies are on to their 2nd but again been trying for a while and its not happening.. still wanted to tell u to stay strong and positive miricles do happen x

Original poster

lissieloucifer · 31/10/2010 09:25

Im just really fed u of it, even when we had our "break" it wasnt really a break because it never really went away, and now all the babies weve lost are like elephants in the room. i feel so useless.

OP posts:

Dipsy3 · 31/10/2010 09:53

Lissie: I am so sorry for the way that you are feeling. I feel a bit like that too, as can't give my dh a child of his own. I have 3 dcs fromprevious husband. Unexplained infertility: crap diagnosis, he's an only child- his parents are devastated. It's ok when it's your own loss- worse when you can't give your loved ones what they want- just like you want to give your ds a sibling. It's a horrible feeling of failure. I relate totally go your grief and disappointment. Wanted to acknowledge it and agree that it IS justified. Nevertheless, although it is hard try and do something as a family as a form of distraction- if only for the sake of your sanity. HTH. Don't mean to demean how you're feeling. Offering the advice I take myself. Throw yourself into family activities. Beats feeling miserable any day!

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