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oh.......someone juts told me having another baby was a stupid idea...now im confused and unsettled.

2 replies

inbetweener · 18/10/2010 13:40

Hhhm,
well a friend of mine that I have known since I had my eldest dd just told me that i would be insane to have another baby and it has really thrown me.

Admittedly we only communicate by email and phone( as she is a friend I met on another baby forum 6 years ago) but we know each other quite well.

I currently have 2 DC age 6 and 8 and last December DH and I split for about 3 months. It had been coming for a while and was as a result of both of us bottling things up, leaving things unsaid and both getting depressed. We are now together, talk a lot more and life genuinely has changed. We both work fulltime and have busy lives with our girls.
My friend thinks I would be crazy and from the outside looking in I can see what she means, but our life really is different now.

She thinks that we would ruin all this by adding a baby into the equation and that our two children will feel left out and we wont have time to enjoy them anymore or take them to the places we have been going. Plus she thinks that the stress will pull us apart again.

Part of me thinks that she feels like this becuase she has a one year old and an 8 year old and she is finding it hard work. Very hard work. The shock of going from one to two has really thrown her. The 8 year old is also very jealous and resenting the baby. The other part can she that in fairness my life was a bit of a car crash last year so looking in she probabbly thinks I am mad.

I dont what I want from you all really lol. maybe a voice telling me that actually a big age gap betweem my 2 elders and a baby wouldnt be so bad ? But I spose in terms of would we be ok, only DH and I would know really wouldnt we ?

Ahh well, writing it down helps. Thanks xx

OP posts:
pinkclouds · 18/10/2010 15:38

IMHO I think it's totally up to you and your DH. It's your life you know better than anyone else if you can cope, which I'm sure you can.

Friends are meant to be supportive aren't they??? And as for other DC I think a age gap like that would be nice, help from the older siblings ect. Everyone's experiences are different and it really is down to you two.

You need to do what's right for you Wink

kat2504 · 18/10/2010 20:37

Yep, your life, your baby, your family! Plenty of people have large age gaps between their children, some by choice, some not by choice. Just because your friend found it hard does not mean you will, and even if it isn't easy in the beginning, that doesn't mean it is the wrong thing to do long term.
The main thing you have to consider is your relationship I reckon. If you both really want another baby and you have properly dealt with whatever your previous problems were, then it is for you to decide, not your friend!

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