Feeling broody after many years of not wanting children!

[Nessyt]

Hi all, Not sure I'm in the right place, but just looking for some advice and to get something off my chest!!!! I'm 34 & I've been married for 4 years and my hubby has 3 kids from his previous marriage. I never thought I wanted kids & my hubby doesn't want anymore however recently I keep thinking I want a baby. I kept trying to convince myself that I don't but in reality I do. I've tried to talking to my husband but he said he's not sure he wants anymore & was shocked that I did after so many years of saying that I didn't want children. It feels very odd because I feel I can't talk to my family & friends because they have always known me as not wanting children & I feel embarrased for changing my mind!!! I just wondered if anyone has been in this situation before or had any advice!

A close friend of mine was the same. They were married for so long that everyone had given up assuming they'd ever buckle. They now have a 12m baby boy.

Was it a dealbreaker with your DH ie if you had said prior to marriage that you wanted kids would he have ended it?

dont feel embarrassed about changing your mind!

I did. never wanted kids. not interested until 2 years ago ..... now havw 14 month old and love it. loved being pregnant and its great being a mum.

everyone were in utter shock when we announced our pregnancy and most muttered about not having money on that ever happening.

dh was totally desperate for kids so i did not have the added issue of bringing it up with him.

your dh already has kids so knows how much joy they bring so it would be surprised if he objected if you told hjm yoy had changed your mind.

find the right time to talk and do make it a chat rather than an outright demand for a baby iykwim. see what his feelings are
x

Nessy I really empathise with some of what you have said as I have spent all of my life saying I didn't ever want children. When I met my now DH, he had grown up assuming that one day he would get married and have a family but was not so wedded to the idea that he would give me up.

A couple of years into our marriage he got a bit more broody and we talked about it and I realised that him giving up the idea of being a parent was a much bigger deal (for us) than me not having children. I like children, have many siblings, neices, nephews etc and quite a few of my friends are parents. I'd always focussed on my career and thought children wouldn't fit, but now think we can manage that.

Anyway, went off track and very mememe there so apologies.

The bit I recognised was not wanting to talk to people because of the embarrassment of changing your mind. If I'm totally honest, I was also annoyed at proving the people right who had always said I would change my mind (as I had, at the time, been annoyed that they thought they knew my mind better than I did )

Even now we are TTCing I've not really talked to many people (other than DH) but then we're on the same page. In your situation I would want to talk to DH in a reasoned way to explain you thought one way and now realise that you feel differently. It will be a shock for him and take some getting used to (it took my DH a while to get his head round my change of heart and he had originally wanted it!) One of the deciding factors for me was envisioning my life in 5 or 10 years time, being too old to make the decision then (devil's advocate) and realising I would hate it.

I think when we finally get to the stage when we have a pregnancy to announce, there will be some shocked faces.

I will just add one final thought, that on here I have found some fabulous and like-minded ladies to chat to and have shared things that I would never dream of talking to some real life friends about. The anonymity means you can really open up and also, it's great to meet people who have experienced things you can learn from.

Good luck

I could have written every word of Truffkin's post, from being embarrassed about changing my mind, to thinking about how I would feel in 10 years' time.

I was so embarrassed that I didn't tell anyone we were TTC for almost the first year, and had arguments with DH if he breathed a word to anyone about it, never considering the fact that I have loads of support on here, and he might need some too!

In the end, the pressure and secrecy and failure to conceive got too much, and I started telling close friends. Some of these people have known me for over 20 years, and have always known that I militantly, definitively, didn't want children. Do you know what they said when I told them? "You've changed your mind - it happens, so what, don't worry about it". No-one said "Ha ha I told you so!" - and even if they had, it would be pretty sad to stick to my guns and remain childless just so as to save face!

However, I think the issue about your DH already having children is the bigger one - you need some input on that aspect, don't you....hopefully someone useful will be along in a bit...

Thanks so much for the replies, I'm really glad you all understand the embarrassment thing, thought I was being odd. Going to find the right time to have a chat with DH, I'll keep you posted!

Just a thought - you could repost a threadwith a different title to get some advice on the other issue, as people who have experienced wanting a child when their partner doesn't are unlikely to click on this thread.