A few questions about egg donation if I may...

[MrGrimsdaaale]

Hi ladies, this is my first post, I've joined in the hope that someone will be able to help. Basically I've recently found out that my sister can't have kids and her only hope is IVF with a donor egg. Her consultant says her best choice for a donor would be me, due to the genetic link and the fact I'm under 35. My husband and I both want children and we've decided to start TTC next year (I've been tested for my sister's condition and luckily I don't have it). I'm still trying to get my head round my sister's request, I'm genuinely not sure my husband and I could cope with my sister and her husband raising what would be genetically my child. But aside from that, I understand I would need hormone treatment to boost my ovulation in order to harvest as any eggs as possible. Would there be a "dip" in my egg production following this peak? How long does it take to get back to normal, and could my ability to conceive naturally be affected? My sister's best friend, who has finished her family, has offered to be egg donor, but I am my sister's first choice for the above reasons- just put that in to make it clear she does have other options.

I'd be v grateful for answers to the above to help me make my mind up- thanks in advance!

im not to sure on egg donation, but my point of view i would do it for my sister, we are not that close but everyone deserves the chance to be a mum right?

and yes she would be bringing up your child but then if you to are close i suppose you could be the babies ' best auntie ' as some people say.

the choice is between you and your husband, you need to do what you think is right for you.

sorry if i didnt help

Sophie

It is not without risks to yourself and your own fertility so it is not something to be undertaken lightly (as you are sensibly NOT doing). There is no evidence that the stimulation and egg recovery reduces your supply of eggs (the way it works is it takes the eggs that would have been used up that cycle anyway), but there are risks of infection and hyperstimulation that need to be considered. It would take about 6 months out of your 'reproductive' life with the time it takes to get to egg collection then the recovery afterwards.
IMHO it was a bit out of order for the consultant to 'recommend' you in this was especially as you have not completed (or even started) your family yet. Yes, ideally family members are good donors because of the genetic link, but the welfare of the donor is very important too - what if you give your sister your eggs, then struggle to concieve yourself?
I sympathise, you have been put in a very difficult position. I'd suggest you see a counsellor, either at the clinic where the treatment may happen or privately (you shouldn't have to pay at the Clinic, they must provide counselling for possible donors). Go with your husband, not your sister at this stage.
Don't do it if you are not happy.

Hi ladies, thanks for the input. Really, I just wanted to clarify the nuts and bolts and any risk to me before I tackle the emotional side of it, and scientist's post has helped me to do this. Hmmm, 6 months out of my reproductive life- that would take us to April of next year and I'd really hoped to be pregnant by then! :(

Just to vindicate the consultant(s), I condensed it a little- in fact, the first consultant my sister saw said that a close relation, preferably a sister, would be the best option, and the second one suggested that her donor should be under 35 if possible. Neither of them actually said "so your younger sister would be the ideal choice", but I do feel it was strongly suggested.

Yes, I'm really worried about how I will feel if I give my sister some of my eggs then have problems conceiving myself. I mean, I know I don't have this particular condition, but we don't know anything about my husband's fertility. I don't think I could cope if we ended up not able to have a child and they were dandling "my" baby on their knees! It's a really hard one. I'm in floods of tears because I completely agree with you, Sophie, that my sister should have the chance to be a mum too. I just wish I'd already had my family, because then I wouldn't even be hesitating. Argh!

Can I contact the clinic for counselling without my sister knowing? I have made it clear I have serious misgivings and am subtly trying to steer her towards accepting her friend's offer, and I don't want to give her false hope.

There's my egg donation thread knocking about somewhere. You should be able to find it. It has eggs and treedelivery in the title. It will help you get a glimpse of what donation is like to live through. It took a total of about.....I think 3-4 months.

TBH, on the face of 2 posts, which amounts to very little indeed, it doesn't sound right for you, nor you for it, Which is fine, as long as your sister is aware of that as soon as you yourself are sure.

Imo, which is smply that, I wouldn't actually be too concerned about the future kids thing. My 2dcs may - heaven forbid - be hurt or lost in some circumstance or other. I can't plan for that. So I see your worry, of course I do, however I think I come at it from a dfferent angle. I only offer my angle as I have donated, very happily, and to date haven't the remotest smallest regret. Early days stll, but the child is here and I am still very very happy to have donated.

My angle is that if you donate it is a gift. Simple and pure. You cannot ask for, nor pine for, your gift back again. No matter how much you think 'actually, damm it all that would have been ideal for us'.
The gift is gone and is no longer yours. You have to know that whatever your own fates bring you, you will always be able to look on the recievers and think 'at least they are ok with their gift'

Good luck thinking it all through, and all the best to all of you tryng to concieve.

eggy bread thread

The medication you take to stimulate your ovaries to produce enough eggs do no harm to your own fertility.

However, I wouldn't do it for different reasons.

MrGrimsdaaale I am currently on the waiting list for a donor egg from an anonymous donor with a clinic. This is our second (and final attempt) with donor eggs. My sister was quite worried when we started having problems with our fertility (we do already have a wonderful DD who was conceived by IUI and is our genetic child, of course with IUI she would be!!). Anyway, sis was worried that I would ask her for an egg, by this point we were both well past 35 so I explained to her she was too old anyway! I felt a tiny sadness that she did not want to give me an egg but I also totally understood. I know she would have seen any baby as her baby.

I think you should talk to a counsellor and get these feelings out with your hubby and you. Please do tell your sister your decision as soon as you feel ready so she can decide what to do.

For the record, if I had the choice of my own sister or an anonymous donor I would prefer an anonymous donor. If we have a child this way we will tell them all about it and when old enough they can trace the donor and meet them if they wish to. I just felt it was the way I would prefer it. My sis and I look nothing alike so there would be no guarantees a baby with her egg in my body would have looked like me or shared my characteristics, so there was (as far as I know) no medical reason for me to want an egg from a relative.

I think your questions about any dangers associated with egg donation, or risks to your own fertility, should be addressed to the doctors; if you wish to you enquire anonymously of any other reputable clinic to find out what they say, that may be a good idea.

All the very best with your decision. Your sister absolutely deserves the right to try to be a mum and you also deserve the right to decide what happens to your own eggs.

If you wish to, please do tell us how things go, and if not, all the very best to you both (all the best to you both anyway!)

I have been a recipient of egg donation myself; my friend donated and although it didn't work I will be forever grateful, its such an amazing thing to do for somebody. But she offered, I would never have dreamed of asking!

The risks are very small, and your fertility should not be affected. But you will need to delay your own plans for pregnancy, and it takes quite a while if you include all the tests you need to do first.

I'd say if you are not 100% sure that you want to do this, trust your instincts; it may not be right for you. There is a huge shortage of egg donors in the UK but your sister will still have other opportunities; you are not her only chance.

Best wishes

2moggies