Jealousy, envy - how do you control it?

[Greeneyesbigbottom]

I'm not a horrible person honestly, but one of my friends has given birth and I'm seething. I feel like I've been kicked in the guts and I hate it. I am happy for her of course, but this insane jealousy is tearing me apart. Why her and not me? I've been trying for so long now its heartbreaking.

Am I alone in feeling this?

How I feel at the moment means I will miss out on seeing her newborn and all our other friends enjoying this time. I just cant face it.

Hi don't worry its only natural to get upset and envious when other people around you are having babies or getting pregnant. I know its hard and its heartbreaking to hear but about other people but you have to just smile politely then have a little cry when you are away from them and try and stay positive that your time will come. I know how hard it is though I've been trying for 15 months which I know is nothing compared to some people and i've had 3 friends announce their pregnancies in the last two months some on their first month of trying. I got home and burst into tears to my DH but thinking now am glad I didnt get upset in front of them. Next day I just tried to get back to being positive. You are not a horrible person at all its completely natural and please just try and think your time will come...fingers crossed for you :)

I can absolutley sympathise with you. After 3 years on TTC every pregancy anouncement seems like a huge slap in the face.
There have beeen so-o-o many annoucements within the last few weeks, that my eyes well up every day :( However, as much as it kills you, you have to be as happy as you can for others.

My SIL had her baby 2 weeks ago (she wasnt even trying ) and I sobbed that evening. It took me almost a week to congratulate her, which in hind-sight seems really pathetic & selfish of me - but you cant control the way you feel! I'm dreading meeting the baby!

As absentbump said (fab but equally sad name by the way), smile politley, and then have a good ol' cry when you're by yourself!

Remain hopeful, and it will happen for you, me, absentbump and all the other lovely ladies who've been trying forever :)

Greeneyes I don't know whether this is helpful, but I went to see a psychotherapist last night with DH (we were fast-tracked by GP because I've been feeling so down). We've been TTC for a little over a year, but I also lost my job and haven't been able to find another one.

A close friend of mine, who I knew planned to get pg, implied that 'it was an accident' when she announced to the world she was expecting #2. I explained to the psychotherapist how angry I felt about her 'lie' and how jealous I felt about all my other RL friends becoming pg. I feel very excluded as it is something I want so badly.

The psychotherapist's piece of advice was this:

'It is OK to feel that way. It is displaced anger. What you need to remember is that you won't always feel this way towards her'.

Don't know if that is any help at all, but it did help me.

And, no, you are not alone in how you feel.

Thank you so much for your replies, it really has helped me enormously.

I've been in touch with my friend and sent my congratulations and do feel happy for her.

KnackeredCow - displaced anger is spot on. I never realised how angry I've been feeling lately, but I think I really need to just let it go as it cant be helping.

Remain hopeful, it WILL happen for us all.

Thank you

Hi Greeneyes I think what you're feeling is completely normal. I had a mc in June and since then I've struggled with feeling incredibly envious of everyone around me that announces their pregnancy or even pregnant strangers in the street, and have a constant "Why did it work out for them and not me" going round and round in my head. What has been keeping me sane is trying to remember that them having their baby doesn't stop us from having ours one day. Also, since experiencing mc and talking to lots of people about ttc, I've realised that you don't know what kind of a struggle other people have had before their pregnancy so I'm trying to bear that in mind too. Hang in there!!

You aren't alone, I fully sympathise with how you are feeling. It is really hard to see other people in a situation you so desperately want. Also it's hard because you feel like a bad person for being jealous of their happiness. But you aren't a bad person and what you are feeling is perfectly normal and natural. Obviously in the case of close friends and family, sometimes you have to put your feelings to the side for a bit and be happy for them and show it etc, but there is nothing wrong with being upset about it later.