is it wrong to be so jealous of pregnant sis in law?

[greet]

Hi All,

Have been trying for a baby for 4 years and 3 mcs and an ectopic pregnancy later we're about to begin with IMSI and ICSI IVF.

My sister in law told us 4 weeks ago that she was 5 weeks pregnant and I cannot shake this incredible angry, selfish jealousy I'm feeling. I am feeling sooooo guilty about this but I am finding it very difficult to get excited about it and share her obvious joy.

Have any of you experienced this and how did you cope? I'm currently adopting the cheshire cat grin, fake cheer-leader enthusiasm and believe me that's taking all my strength.

Any advice to stop me turning into the jealous, bitter bitch from Hell that I really don't want to be.

Please help!

I completely know what you mean and it's normal. Of course you're jealous! I haven't been trying for nearly as long as you have and when my SIL and sister announced their pregnancy I could practically feel my face start to snarl and turn green. It's awful. I was helped greatly by the fact that I don't see them often. It must be much worse if you have to see them a lot. What's your situation? And has she been trying long, do you know?

When I asked what your situation was I meant how often do you have to see them? I'm very sorry to hear about your ectopic by the way - it makes it extra hard to deal with :(. Does your DP know how you feel? Do they know about your TTC history?

hi greet so sorry for all your trouble conceiving
i have had 6 MCs in the three years we have been TTC (7 altogether but i do have a DD who is nearly 5) so i have had this jealous feeling alot recently myself and i think it is only natural. i have a good work friend who wasnt even trying and got preg by accident and is due in march. my most recent MC was july at 9 weeks and i was due feb. i explained to her how i was feeling and that while i am genuinely happy for her i am so sad for me, selfish or not and i would appreciate her support and if she could be sensitive and understand it if i dont want to talk babies with her.

maybe have a talk with her if you are close and it might help you to lessen ther bitterness as it is likely not your SIL who you are angry with but the situation itself. you dont have to put the cheery cheshire cat face on all the time as if your SIL is a decent person she will understand.

we don't see her that often these days mostly due to us trying to avoid her ase of a partner! She's been trying for a few months, got pg first time (which said ase completely bragged about to our faces) but unfortunately she had a mc. It's great that she seems to be ok this time round.

she's a lovely person and I am genuinely happy for her but have this all encompassing jealousy which I hate. We have to go away with them for a family weekend this weekend which I'm dreading... not sure I can handle all the baby talk.

This jealousy thing is so not me. I may be alot of things but jealous isn't usually one of them. Until now when the TTC green-eyed monster seems to have possessed me!

Ariesgirl - DP knows exactly how I feel and it's obviously hard for him too it being his sister. Thankfully he's wonderful and we try and plod along together whilst the world and their dog seem to be getting pg all around us.

pandaEis - thanks for the great advice. trouble is not sure if I could just talk about it at the moment - I think all my frustration would come out and we be so unjustified to land it on her.

It's soooo tricky isn't it? I just want to hide away and hibernate and wake up in 9 months ready to give birth to a lovely baby :)

Hi greet I know exactly how you are feeling (well pretty much). We have a DD but we have been trying for 5 years to have another and it is very hard when people around me get pregnant at the drop of a hat - some even by accident!

I am on the assisted conception thread at do drop in and see us if you would like to.

Personally, I have found it can make it hard to discuss with people how I feel about their pregnancy. I tried it with one friend who was pregnant while we were still trying to conceive our DD and she was really not understanding at all what I meant! I now have a policy of avoiding people who are pregnant unless I have to see them. Having our DD (who is now almost 6) is fab but it does mean I come into contact with a lot of pregnant women, almost all of D little's friends have had a brother or sister in the last 4 years so I have learnt to perfect the smile! But I'd just say you don't need to go overboard and talk too much about it. Excuse yourself from conversations and go and do stuff you want to do, whenever possible. If you want to be open about the situation and tell people then you may find it helps but some people are not keen to share about it too much, even with family, because you can end up with lots of questions and that can be very hard when things are not going well.

I do wish you all the best, please pop onto the assisted conception thread if you fancy a chat with us and whatever else please be reassured you are 100% normal, it's normal to feel like this. Men don?t always understand, even my dear hubby who knows how much this means to me still does not really understand why hearing about others pregnancies effects me so much!

All the best,