Feel like howling

[WhyFrank]

Yes, I am very very grateful for my DS. Yes, I have been looking after myself. Yes, I have been trying not to obsess. Yes, there are some great things about having only one child. Yes, I know, the minute we stop trying it will work.

I am sad and tired of it all :( Secondary infertility sucks.

Sorry, just had to vent.

so sorry that you're feeling like this. Do you want to share? Fwiw, I felt so down when we were trying for another baby, felt something akin to "hatred" when I saw pg women, and women with little babies

Thank you sobloodystupid. I'm trying to get some work finished, so it was a stupid time to start a thread really. Just having a (thankfully really quite rare) bad day.

DS is nearly 6. We've been trying for 3.5 years, with two early miscarriages quite soon after starting, and then an enormous gap until this summer, when I had another early m/c. No real medical explanation so far, probably just a combination of little complications. Both of us are in our mid-thirties. We have an IUI planned this month.

Thankfully I don't get (or successfully ignore) too many envious feelings about other people. But it's just so draining and joyless and, well, so totally, literally, unproductive :(

sorry Frank
I know exactly how you feel
It's just exhausting, and I don't think many people understand.
I am desperate for another baby.For me, for DS for our family. And trying to be so blase about it, like we could take it or leave it.
So sick of the testing.
AF is due tomorrow, I could test now, but the disappointment is just too much

I'm sad for you too, domeafavour.

I think the hope that it's only a temporary problem makes it a really strange thing to live with. Whatever stage you're at and whatever your coping strategies are, there's always the hope that it might be about to be over, and that's what makes it such an emotional drain, I think. When I discovered I was pregnant in the summer I had a sense of panic at the prospect of another level of hope and potential disappointment. "All this, and now to top it all off I'm pregnant too." And then of course I felt bad about that too!

For me the point seems to be fast approaching at which being a settled threesome feels preferable to being an in-limbo maybe-one-day foursome...

How did things work out for you in the end, sobloodystupid?

What I really hated was the "relax and it will happen" crew, mainly my GP etc. I also remember crying and crying when a colleague rang to tell me she was expecting on her first day back from maternity leave...
Happily, I went on to have ds and dd2 (I really credit acupuncture, which I did think helped me to relax, aargh). I really do empathise WhyFrank have you got good support in RL? I found when I told some friends about difficulties conceiving the relief was immense..

I'm so sorry for you, WhyFrank. Although I haven't been through nearly as much as you have, I feel I understand. Yet another AF today. For the first few months, I wasn't overly bothered but a year down the line and this one has hit me hard. I haven't been a good mum to DS today.

I'm sorry - I don't know why I'm posting this. I'm just feeling really shit and wanted to say 'I understand' and it must be much worse for you than me. Take care of yourself.

Oh, so sorry, TeaRocks :( And the guilt about the way it all impacts on DS just makes it even worse, doesn't it?

Sobloodystupid, I'm really glad you got there in the end with your DCs. The acupuncture is a good thing to mention on here. I had something similar (using a metal "pen" to run along the meridians or poke mercilessly at the pressure points ) for a while and felt so much better for it, but I only go about once a month now because of the cost. Still, the practitioner is so great, she's a bit of a lifeline.

Not sure about RL support really... All my family and close friends know, so I do feel I can talk about it. But I don't go to pieces very easily around other people (I save that privilege for DH!) and, after all, there's nothing anyone can really say or do (hence all the annoying, repetitive comments, I suppose), so I guess that's why I ended up needing to howl about it on here.

Thanks for the sympathy everyone. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning and will be able to focus on the IUI.

Whyfrank so sorry you feel this way, I too felt the same last week. Hope you feel better soon

Tearocks, whyfrank and domeafavour I know how you feel. I really never thought I'd start obbsessing this time round but I really have. The worst thing is I can't tell some of my friends how I'm feeling as one is perfectly content with just her DS and has told me in no uncertain terms that I should just be grateful for what I've got (which makes me cross - of course I'm bloody grateful!), and the other would love nothing more than marriage and a family and has niether. Ironically she is much more sympathetic, but I don't feeling comfortable talking about it much, and when I do I sound very blase and come out with all the typical "all in good time" type stuff because, as I said, I really AM gratful for what I've got. It doesn't stop the yearning though...
So many of my friends at church have 3 or 4 children, seemingly concieveing as easily as anything.
Sorry for the rant, just wanted to say I know how you feel, Big hugs and baby dust to us all....

For me the point seems to be fast approaching at which being a settled threesome feels preferable to being an in-limbo maybe-one-day foursome...

I could not agree with you more, it is exhausting this TTC#2

Thanks guys, and sorry you're all going through it too. hairytriangle, your name made me giggle at least.