Did you find the decision to TTC a 2nd DC harder than the 1st.

[JuneBugJr]

DP and I have been haphazardly TTC our second, we have a 2year old DD already.

When we were TTC DD, I cant remember even a shred of doubt going through my mind, I was completely sure I wanted a baby.

This time round, Im much more wary of the whole thing. Just the thought of 'doing it all' again, which sometimes makes me excited and other times makes me think Im crackers for ttcing again. But saying that, I would also be gutted if I never got to experience parenting another baby or had a sibling for DD.

Did anyone else feel this way when TTCing the second dc, or was you just as sure as the first time round?

No, I think the jump from 0 to 1 DC was far bigger than the jump from 1 to 2 iyswim.

All the sacrifices/changes to lifestyle had already been made with the decision to have DC1, so I think it was definitely easier to decide to have another DC.

Well I've just come off the pill to TTC no2. and I know exactly what you mean. With my DD my hormones were going mad, I had wanted a baby for a while so as soon as it was practical we went ahead.

Now it is a bit different, I'm not so desperate for another baby because I already have DD. And we also have to consider the effects on DD, not just the two of us, so we've thought about things like whether the age gap will be right (but then you never know how long it will take anyway) and whether we have enough time/space/money etc for a second.

Oh and having been through the newborn stages the thought of doing it all again does scare me if I'm honest. With DD I just thought 'Well I'll cope because I have to' but now I remember how much I struggled with sleep deprivation.

For me and DH we know that we want another and now is the right time, but it's definitely a different feeling than when we were TTC before, more relaxed.

CeeBee - thats a really helpful perspective actually! Our lifestyles have changed enormously since DD, and a having a new baby wouldnt really change much apart from sleepless nights for a while

Pozzled - I know now is the right time for another one, age gap will be around 3 years hopefully, money and work situation fine. Things have got back to 'normal' here, no more sleepless nights, a social life, no more bf, DP having most nights to ourselves etc etc. Its the thought of upheaval again, tbh especially the sleep deprivation. DD was a very good sleeper, and it still killed me. Im not good at all with no sleep.

TBH I think I will continue to dither until I see a BFP, then get on with it. Thanks for your perspectives

I'm also a Number 2 ditherer, but not because I think we wouldn't want to go through the newborn stage again - more because I'm worried our little boy (who will be around 3 when the baby arrives, if things go as planned!) will feel pushed out. He's an independent, sociable little boy who is definitely not cuddly so I don't anticipate any jealousy or clinginess, and would get him fully involved, but I just worry about him not being our only any more!

I dithered a bit about ttc DS but knew I wanted children so, sort of "got on with it" so to speaks and really, didn't have a clue how hard it would be at first ( who does?).

Been broody for a while for number 2 but the reality of the newborn stage again does scare the crap out of me. Currently half heartedly ttcing, with flashes of excitement.

I was very uncertain about whether I wanted a second child and when I suddenly found out I was pregnant I remember feeling far from in a celebratory mood, totally unable to share in my husband's pleasure.

I was worried as to how my son would feel (he was 3.5 when DD was born); whether I would have enough love for a second; and how we would manage two busy careers and two children, as things had got back to 'normal' for some time and we had a lovely life as a family of three - I didn't want to rock the boat.

My daughter was born almost three months ago now and I needn't have worried. As soon as she was born I remember feeling totally different to how I did with the first (elation) - I just felt 'Oh well, there's another one.' Within a few hours the maternal instinct must have kicked in though as I fell head over heels and haven't looked back.

We try hard not to make DS feel left out but in any case, she does this herself by smiling every time she sees him and (unless he's waving a toy car in her face) he seems to be the only person apart from me who can stop her crying. Basically they seem to have fallen in love too and my mum (I am a second child to older brother too) said this is often the case.

It seemed strange to me to think you can love another child when I had only one but the second is a completely different person with their own traits and so somehow love for them doesn't seem to detract from love for the first.

In terms of rocking the boat, I'm glad we did as having another child in our family seems to have benefited us all. You might find that you're much more relaxed with your second, more confident you know what to expect and I've found this has helped me through the difficult first weeks. I've also had better experiences this time round with the birth and breastfeeding, which is probably mostly luck (I appreciate you could have a worse time) but could be because of lessons I learnt with the first. If you were thinking of stopping at two you might also find yourself more tolerant of getting up at night as you're always aware that each thing you do is for the last time in your life! In fact this is one of the reasons having a second has made me decide I want more...

We have experienced a little bit of regression from DS with food and toilet, but nothing too serious and it is a big change for them so you do have to cut them a bit of slack. Also, when you have a newborn easily placated with milk to compare with a turbo-charged pre-schooler with complex physical and emotional demands, you suddenly realise what hard work your first is (sounds odd I know). I reckon you're already doing the hard bit!
Good luck..

gertlush - THANK YOU! That was so comforting to read - I am sure I want a 2nd and am ttc at the moment but had the same feelings as junebugjr. There's a bit of me that's scared but i'm sure it'll all work out. :o

I can really recommend the book Twice Blessed by Joan Leonard. Gives you a chance to really examine all the issues, and it provided me with lots of conversation topics to talk over with my DH.

I didn't make any descion to try with DS, he just sort of happened (opps ) so the descion to to TTC DC2 has been a bit of a mind bender for myself and DH.

I still have my moments when I think why are we doing this I must be crazy!, but I know I want DS to have a sibling and that I really want another baby and DH is on board too.

Hang in there JuneBug I think a lot of the doubts and second thoughts are just from the wait of TTC and once it happens you'll be fine.

Cochetgirl - I do worry about how DD will cope not being our only anymore, but she does love babies.

halfheartedly ttcing, but with flashes of excitement is exactly how I feel. When TTcing and pregnant with DD, it was all rainbows and light, and I rememeber being throughly overexcited, now its all just a means to an end.

gertlush1 that is a really helpful post, thank you very much. I think you've managed to address every issue I have!

Milanomum - nomorechocolatebiscuits - I think some of the doubts are from being in limbo at the moment. Im just telling myself Im not doing anything to prevent pregnancy, and not actively TTCing. It keeps my nerves at bay! Hope it all goes well for you too.

Mummyabroad - I'll take a look at that book now on Amazon. Thank you, I find it hard to pinpoint my worries with DP.