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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Anyone got pregnant on purpose without partner knowing???

18 replies

shellmc · 18/08/2010 16:14

Weird Heading i know!!!!!

I have a DS who i love and admire very very much his 14 months old, i have mentioned that i would love a second child but hubby had blantly said he doesnt want any more! :-(
He has a DS age 9 from another relationship before we met he is lovley and i have teken him on as my own we have joint access to him from thursdays to sundays every week.
Hubby says we have 2 and thats enough i know i have 2 and i love them and i am gratful i have got them but i would like another in time. It hurts that i may not. I dont think its the fact he doesnt want another but he does worry very much about money which i suppose is sensible, and he likes to make sure we are stable.

I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this position and got pregnant?? How did your OH react?? Did it cause problems?? I really would like another at some point but dont want to go behind his back id love us to have another child for the both of us and because we both want to. Im 25 and would like your opinions please.

OP posts:

tegan · 18/08/2010 16:25

i know a few people who have been in your situation and honestly for most of them it didn't work out good 2 got divorced 1 stayed together but there relationship never recovered and her dh has never bonded with their ds but i have a friend who has 5 children and the 5th was a her doing and her dh has always said that if she hadn't got pg he would never of wanted another and it would of been a shame cos no 5 is his shadow and he bonded with him straight away

Original poster

shellmc · 18/08/2010 16:31

Thanx tegan for your reply.
I dont think i would ever do it i couldnt live with the guilt of knowing i was delibratly trying to get pregnant without him knowing.
I am very happy and me and DH are very strong together, and id hate to do anything to ruin us. Im just really upset and iv tried talking and saying that i would like another but he has none of it. I am a very broody person and i love being aroubd kids and i love being a mummy.
I just dont know what to do. I dont want anyone to think im being selfish because i am lucky to have a DS and a step DS and there are people who cant have children and who are struggling to conceive. I just cant get over the urge i have for another.

OP posts:

tegan · 18/08/2010 16:38

i know what u mean about wanting another i have 3 dd 1 is 12 dd2 is 6 and ds is 20 months, after having ds we decided for dh to have the snip, well job done now i desperately want another and even asked him to have it reversed but he said it wasn't going to happen so i guess we are kind of in the same situation only that ur dh could change his mind in the future and u could have lots more lo's where as i will never have another baby and it's kind of heart breaking

itsbeenawhile · 18/08/2010 16:49

A friend has done it five times to my knowledge. All have ended in termination. He still doesn't know that she'd had her coil removed/come off the pill/had the implant taken out so now doesn't trust any contraception and went for the snip. Each termination has pushed her closer to the brink and now she's a shell of her former self.

Each time she thought he'd come round to the idea but he never did.

sickoftheholidays · 19/08/2010 22:36

I know someone who was a deliberately skipping the odd pill, and did get pregnant. It caused a lot of upset at the time, but everything is fine now.
Personally, I would do it, but then I know that if I was PG again, DH would be fine with it, even though he has said he doesnt want anymore.

Original poster

shellmc · 22/08/2010 15:51

Thanku all for ya replys.
I do long for a second child but dont think i could go behind DH back.

OP posts:

FallingWithStyle · 22/08/2010 15:57

You're doing the right thing in not getting pg deliberately.
It's a really awful thing to do to someone.

expatinscotland · 22/08/2010 16:01

It's a lot of why I never went out with men who had children already. I knew I wanted at least two of my own so if he wasn't game, it wasn't going to work out for us.

GraceK · 22/08/2010 16:04

I have a friend who DH was anti-children. She got to her mid-30's and told him that as he was the one that didn't want children, he was now in charge of the contraception. After all, she was taking the pill before as she didn't want to get pregnant. Now that she did & he didn't, it was up to him to prevent sperm meeting egg. He lasted 3 months. Seems like a fair / up front way of dealing with the situation.

LovingYummyMummy · 24/08/2010 12:29

NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!! You should never do this. It is so wrong. Bringing up a baby is such a wonderful but hard job to do that you should never make someone do it against their will.Just think if you did get pregnant...you will never know if your DH really wanted that baby or whether he is just going through the motions. That is not fair to the baby. They don't ask to be born & they should never be born into that kind of life full of lies & possibly being resented by your DH.Also,a new born baby is already a major test of how strong a relationship is. You would have to be sure that your relationship could pass the test. I would suggest you wait. Your DH could change his mind yet. My sister has been with her DH since she was 17 & it has taken her 20 years to persuade him but he gave in in the end. I'm not suggesting it will take that long but, men do change their minds when you least expect it. Just talk to your DH. When he sees how srongly you feel & how you ache for another child, he may surprise you.

hairytriangle · 24/08/2010 13:04

Frankly I think this is a really evil thing to do. :(

Original poster

shellmc · 24/08/2010 21:44

As i said in my prev post i could never do this. I would feel soo guilty for the rest of my life i was just wanting to see if people have actually gone ahead and done it.

I am really happy with DH and i may just have to accept that i may not have another child.

Expatinscotland when me and DH met we were soo in love and he told me from word go that he had a little boy aged 3 and that he had joint access of him. We got on really well right from the start and i couldnt not give it a chance just because he had a DS already. My Stepson is lovley and he means just as much to me and my Own 14 month old DS. I really do hope that Maybe DH will come round to the fact of having another DC but ill just have to hold on and see.
Thanks to you all for your opinions x

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 24/08/2010 21:46

Ah, see, at the first date, when he said he had a kid, it would have been 'nice to know you, had great chemistry, best of luck!'

expatinscotland · 24/08/2010 21:50

Horses for courses, but the kid thing was the end of it for me. And if he'd said he only wanted one, that would have been a dealbreaker, too.

When I was single I was like that because it wouldn't have been fair otherwise.

I was married to a guy who never wanted kids - found out later on in the marriage - we divorced.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/08/2010 21:59

Expat I was like you - any kids and I walked away.

GraceK - I think your friend's approach is fair actually. It's all very well for men to say they don't want children, but not if they won't bear any of the responsibility of contraception.

chipmonkey · 24/08/2010 22:54

Very, very bad idea to do this. I have had to talk dh into having our last two but at least I felt better knowing that he had agreed to it!

I do feel for you, though.

differentnameforthis · 25/08/2010 05:59

I wouldn't bring a child into this world that wasn't wanted, therefore could never have contemplated such a thing...even when it looked like dh & I were going to split because he didn't want children.

LovingYummyMummy · 02/09/2010 12:22

Good girl!! You know it makes sense. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that he does change his mind.

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