Frightened of being pregnant now - anyone else?

[Flighttattendant]

I'm on 10dpo after a bit of a mishap around ovulation.
It's a fairly slim chance I will be pg but I've been feeling awful, and having various symptoms and am actually realising now that I am terrified.

I had HG in both pregnancies, until about 20 weeks and had to take medication though what I was given wasn't very effective. I am phobic about sickness, and have no idea how I got through it both times. However - I did and have two gorgeous sons.

I've always wanted to have one more child although recently I was coming to terms with not doing so, and tbh it wouldn't have bothered me not to until I started seeing DP, who really, really does want children as soon as possible.

So I feel as though it's something I'll almost 'have' to go through at some point - it would be lovely to have a baby with him.
But I am so afraid.

I'm having panic attacks every day (not serious ones but just feeling sick, needing the toilet, being scared witless) and don't know how to cope.

We are both fairly anti termination. If I am pg the baby would be staying. And I think I might be able to access something stronger to take if I am really ill again.

I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way in the past, and how you dealt with it.
My existing children must come first but there is going to be a compromise if I am ill in my next pregnancy. I wonder if it is worth it for them?

Thankyou for reading.

I should add, I feel as though I am about 6 weeks already in terms of nausea and upset stomach. It could just be nerves of course.

I really don't dare to take a test though it is only another 4 days before I'm due on. I don't feel like this with PMT, normally, so it is unlikely to be that.

Anybody?

just do a test. buy a double pack, do one now and do one a few days after your due on.

it could be all in your head because your so afraid of it, i know i can convince myself of all kinds of horrible things if i worry about them enough.

id just do a test. simple. that way you know one way or the other.

I get scared every month and we're sorta TTC. I think it's normal, especially if you're worried about it.

Agree you should test though. Put you out of the limbo misery if nothing else.

I am so sorry you have been through so much to have your babies

i only had " normal" nausea type ms not HG and I dont know how anyone copes, esp if you are phobic

sorry no advice. just respect

Thanks girls. I really appreciate your being so nice, am feeling sorry for myself today.

I would normally be raring to test - I was both times before, and I have a twin pack of first response in the other room but I know if I test and it is positive, I am going to be absolutely floored and I won't cope very well.

I need DP to be here at least, to hold my hand.
It's ridiculous - I always enjoyed testing even when I knew I couldn't be pg! Until now when the pressure is on. I already can't eat and keep feeling sick, I have a weird smell I keep smelling, (typical pg for me) and I just feel very pregnant generally.

You're right - it's entirely possible I'm convincing myself of all these things from sheer anxiety. It's the time of year when I found I was pg both times and both times it was really traumatic - no support from then partner, and being told I should have an abortion.

This time it ought to be so different, because I have a wonderful, loving DP, but my parents still had a go at me this morning ('we're not going to help you again if he does a runner') and tbh I am still afraid just because it takes me back to those awful times.

I'm sure the stress those times made the sickness a lot worse.

Wow FA, I didn't realise you were dating
is he your landlord or the guy at school you liked?
Your parents are not very nice saying that
good luck when you do test, things have a habit of working themselves out

your parents sound charming

Well they put it a bit more subtly than that but the basic message was 'we do not want you to be pregnant'

Compo I had better watch what I post if you remember all that - do you have a spreadsheet or something?

It's neither - someone I've known for a long time, and he isn't married!

To be fair, they did help a lot both the other times I was on my own. I owe them a great deal in terms of that.

And with the children of course since they were born - I've been able to rely on them in times of need and I am grateful.

But there has always been a resentment and a big guilt trip surrounding it all.

It does make me really upset when they say things like that. But then if it's how they feel, and really I am a grown up now and shouldn't depend on them.

Lol
I just remember things
I'm not stalking you, honest

I'm so happy for you! Ignore your parents , they must have expected you to find someone who you might want to have children with. Do they like him?

totally get where you're coming from flight

at 10 dpo, more likely your 'symptoms' are anxiety related

do a test in a few days and take it from there

you know how to reach me xx

A friend who had HG was told by her midwife that it might well not recur if she were pregnant by another partner (not a terribly helpful suggestion in her situation, but might give you hope...)

Gosh yes that does indeed give me hope, PLLS I was really hoping that would be the case. I mean I will still panic and it is early in the relationship, but he is so keen for us to try even if this isn't a goer. It wasn't like that at all the other times.

Lulumama - thankyou dear, you are lovely. It prob is just stress.

Compo - yes, they have met him (at his insistence!) and they liked him. I like him, the kids adore him. It is all good.

Just jitters I suppose after what went on in the past. I find it hard to come to terms with a proper nice relationship.

Thanks again for being so lovely, all of you x

Hope you're feeling better today
let us know if you decide to test xxx

Thankyou Compo that is really nice of you.

I had another night filled with unsettled sleep and this time, vivid dreams about pregnancy tests. It was not fun.

I feel really shaky at the moment and very 'different' to usual - like a heightened sense of awareness of my thoughts and all the physical stuff going on.

It's very bizarre and I remember it from both times I was pregnant, but it still could be my imagination.

I've decided not to test at all - if I'm late I'll assume the worst, if I'm not, I'll save them for next time - presuming there is a next time.

I think there is so much more I need to talk about and understand about DP before we do this for real. I already know my parents won't be happy about it if and whenever I do get pregnant, ever, and whoever it is with. They just don't want me to have more babies. They never did want me to have any!
So that's really sad.

But I could use a little more security regarding DP I suppose, as it is such early days and I do still question whether we will make it and if he really does love me.
That doesn't help.

I'm still feeling nauseous and weird but it gets worse when I think about being pregnant, so it's partly psychosomatic at least.

Thanks for all your help and support - I definitely felt far less alone after the responses on here last night.

I have just realised they are all expecting me to know by the end of the week. I feel under a lot of pressure now. And I have a dental appt on Thursday which might need X rays. That's going to be embarrassing.

I feel as though I've stepped through a door into a parallel universe, and nobody can hear me, nobody has come with me.

Just tell the dentist that you don't think you are pregnant but it's a possibility. They'll be used to it and can put the lead apron thingy on you.

Ah Ok I will do that. Thankyou.

He must think I am a bit feckless. I have had to tell him that before