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Anyone else dithering about TTC number 2?

15 replies

MambotheDancingPenguin · 31/07/2010 15:59

Hi

We have a DS of 2.4 and had always thought we'd go for roughly a 3 yr gap, but things have prevented us from ttc so far (the usual...finances etc).
Getting to the point where we should probably get a move on and sometimes I'm wildly excited about ttc again and being pregnant again and other times it scares the shit out of me. Had a hard pg with DS (HG) and then he cam early and was small and bfing died a death quite fast. Cried A LOT too.
I don't know. I DO want another but actually having another newborn frightens me. I'm not getting any younger.
Anyone else feel a bit split personality about it all...I want a babeeeee // Oh God, no!! within the space of 5 mins type thing??

x

OP posts:
MambotheDancingPenguin · 31/07/2010 16:01

sorry...meant I'm not getting any younger (35) so should probably get on with it if I want another.

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fandango75 · 31/07/2010 20:41

yes all the time!! our ds is 19 months and i think we are just going to go for it next month (awaiting smear results first to be on the safe side)

MambotheDancingPenguin · 31/07/2010 21:08

does the prospect both excite and terrify you all at the same time? I feel a bit schizophrenic about it...veer wildly from jumping on DH and being horrified by the idea of being pregnant.

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mrswill · 31/07/2010 21:45

Dear god Mambo, are you my twin?!

I have a DD who's 2, and am currently swinging between sheer desperation for another baby, and not wanting another at all. Its just the thought of 'doing it all again' which sometimes excites me, and other times completely puts me off.

I had a bad pregnancy too - hyperemesis, hospitalised until 25 weeks, then a lovely dramathon labour with emcs, and although I did bf for a while, I never did it exclusively. Am still not sure how anyone can get through a HG pregnancy with a toddler to look after btw, how do people manage??!

My main concerns are - my life is easy at the mo, dd sleeps well, and is generally pleasant to be with, and I get enough 'me' time which Im very fond of. All this will be up shit creek for another 2 years as Il have a baby in tow, Im more keen on toddlers than babies also. What are your fears iykwim.

Ive had this sort of internal for the last year, and am pretty much even boring myself with it now. So we've just made the decision to have another and TTC, I still have the same thoughts though.

MambotheDancingPenguin · 31/07/2010 21:57

I think we are indeed twins, mrswill!!

"Its just the thought of 'doing it all again' which sometimes excites me, and other times completely puts me off." That's it exactly for me.
The idea of seeing another BFP: ooh how exciting!
Puking various times a day from 6 weeks to 16 weeks (and I wasn't hospitalised, like you): God, no way! What am I thinking??
The same as you, I have a wonderful little sleeper in DS...8pm to 6 or 7am plus a nap. Can I really go back to sleepless nights?

Also found DS hard work as a baby with being early and a low birth weight, then colicky. Under no illusions about what's it's like.

Work worries me. DS is off to preschool in September, but I'm freelance and would have to take virtually no mat leave and I work from home so not sure at all how I'd cope, but we need the money. No way I can stop work and will worry about losing clients on even a v (i.e 3 or 4 month) mat leave.

And yet...and yet...I'm 35 and don't want DS to be an only or never have another pregnancy/newborn/child. Sometimes I long for it, but I really worry about how we'd cope and how I'd cope.

I think we'll probably TTC next month as I guess it might take a while anyway and at least DS would be at preschool during the mornings if I was as sick again.

So nice to find a kindred spirit, all my friends have had shorter gaps and seemed to have leapt at having another, without all this angst! . Sometimes I think I just over think things.

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mrswill · 31/07/2010 22:36

Yep, all my friends have more than 2, and theres doesnt seem to be any of this agonising either. I think Ill still be umming and ahhing when pregnant!

If I could just have another born at 2 years of age, without any of that birth or breastfeeding angst, or sleepless nights, or not knowing what the hell they want, I would have been TTC'ing ages ago. What has made my mind up, is that the potential numbero 2, wont be a baby forever, and will eventually be like DD is now, Ive just got to get through the hard part first (which will take 3 years, counting pregnancy too, but it would get there in the end!). I think I could cope with two toddlers or children, its just the whole logistics of the baby bit that puts me off.

Maybe your next baby will be an angel that will sleep while you do your work If your DS was colicky, then its obviously your turn to have a non colicky baby this time!

Work is also an issue with me, Im the only one in my team who runs a particular therapy group, which is sought after, so if I go off ill or on Maternity, parents are left high and dry. I can just feel my bosses silently willing me not to get pregnant!

DD is also going to preschool in the next few weeks, so it should be easier if sickness does strike.

Im on the April bus at the mo, but due to flu striking down our whole house, theres been no SWI going on at all. So will be popping on the May bus. This TTC business is just a leap of faith I think

Whiteybaby · 01/08/2010 08:55

Hi Ladies can I join in too? I have dd who is 16 months but dh is is very keen for dc2 within two school years iykwim. I completely share the occasional would be nice to do it again / dont want dd as an only buuutttt hated being pregnant (not that I suffered particuarly just hated it) and found those early times so hard. Much to my shame I told dh that dd had ruined my life at about 5 weeks . Course she hadn't but I found staying at home with small child so hard. Also and this is prob my biggest worry that dd has been amazingly easygoing really and am terrified that I am due a colicky, sleepless, weepy baby. I found her hard enough to cope with at first so how would I manage that?? Sounds a bit stupid doesnt it!

MambotheDancingPenguin · 01/08/2010 08:57

We had a month TTC half heartedly and then I got spooked (quelle surprise) so we've only managed one shag but with a condom this month. I expect we'll go back to no contraception again next month. It's very hot where we live (abroad) and the thought of early pregnancy in August gave me the hebbie jeebies, but I think once we get into sep and DS starts preschool, I'll feel more excited.
It's not that I'm not excited, at times I can think of nothing else and feel quite broody about other people's babies/pregnancies etc...it just scares me too.
Did you ever meet anyone else who'd had HG? I'm the only one I've ever met IRL, maybe that's part of why friends go for it sooner...they're not thinking that, like you say, it's hard from conception if you're puking. I don't mean a non HG pg is easy, but..well YKWIM.
I think if I could have a six month old immeadiately I'd go for it. DS was a poppet from then. (awful around 18 months tho). He's bilingual so not much speech yet, so that's hard work too...no idea what he's trying to say a lot of the time!

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MambotheDancingPenguin · 01/08/2010 08:59

Hi whiteybaby doesn't sound stupid at all. If it's any help, I think you cope with what you get, but it's not easy. Like mrswill says it's a leap of faith or the human race would die out!
Are you ttc now whiteybaby? I'm surprised your DH is so keen. Bet he wouldn't be if he had to be pg and give birth etc !!

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Whiteybaby · 01/08/2010 13:08

We are kind of ttc (when dh can convince me to stay awake long enough . He is a rare breed was the driving force for having dd as I was still trying to put it off for a while longer and is now desperate to add to the brood. I do often tell him if he could have the next one I would be happy to concede!! All that said and even considering serious lack of bd this month i am now 1 day late and wondered whether to poas! Have been v poorly with nasty bug this month tho so wondering whether that would affect dates, usually like clockwork!! I'm 35 too by the way so waiting for a while just seems pointless as I do love dd hugely, love being a mum and def want another even if the thought is terrifying!!

BrightSideOfLife · 02/08/2010 14:26

I have been lurking on MN for ages but couldn't resist replying to this thread though. Most of these posts could have been written by me!!

DD is 15 months and DH is keen to start TTC number 2 in the next few months. I want another but also alternate between being excited...dreading it...being excited etc etc.

Apart from the usual concerns over MS (How do you cope with a toddler while puking your guts out for 12 weeks?) I am also dreading going back to the dreaded (for me anyway) newborn stage. I feel like I am now really enjoying my DD and I don't want to go back to the restrictive newborn days, I worry that it will 'take away' from the fun we are having with DD.

I took a years maternity leave with DD and loved the second half, but with the next baby I will probably not be able to afford such a long time off work. I also feel that our lives settled down to a semblance of what they were pre-baby, i.e. I work full time again. But after the second, I want this to change so I spend more time at home - but I can't see how this will be feasible (Financially especially). My DH says that we will never feel ready and should just work it out as we go along. I am not convinced!

It is such a relief to read about others who feel the same way. As mambo says, none of my friends seemed to have any regrets about TTC number 2, so I feel like the odd one out!

lizandlulu · 02/08/2010 15:39

hiya ladies!! we are ttc no 2 and bee trying 3 whole weeks
originally i said when dd was 2 we would try for another, she is now 5 at the end of this year

i just couldnt bring myself to do it as she was such hard work for the first 3 and a half years.

i am now at the inbetween stage of wanting a baby, but not the hard work, i am sure you will know what i mean! i cant imagine having to be responsible for dd while looking after a newborn. i remember the permanant tiredness and stress.

yet we are trying as i didnt want there to too big an age gap and i am not getting any younger. it was a case of now or never for me i think!

beckie90 · 02/08/2010 16:05

hiya ladies.
im exactley the same mambo.
i have a little boy who is nearly 20 month.
1 min im like shall we have a baby, the next im going god no i cant have another 1.
i had a bad pregnancy and a bad birth lost 2 litres of blood. and he still doesnt sleep lol. but then again i want my kids to grow up together, not a big age gap, as me and my sister were ten years apart, and i couldnt leave it that long.
its soo confusing

MambotheDancingPenguin · 02/08/2010 16:05

We're sort of half heartedly TTC, in that we had unprotected sex yesterday but I think I ovulated a few days ago. I think we have to just shag when we feel like it (not a huge amount with work and DS getting up at stupid o clock every morning) and see what happens.
So, I'll spend the next 2 weeks swinging wildly from excited to terrified, wee on a stick around the 15th, get a BFN and start the whole process again.
Every time I think..."oooh let's just go for it, it'll take a while anyway..." something else comes up and I think "oh god, now's a terrible time". sigh.

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lizandlulu · 02/08/2010 19:20

my dd starts school in september andi am terrified that i am not going to be able to get her there in time, clean, fed and complete, that goes for both of us, well 3 if you count baby! especially if i have had a particularily bad night.

i had no help whatsoever with dd, but promises this time round he will do more but even then, he cant help if he is at work all day.

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